I have been bingeing. I've been completely disregarding what I've been eating. I haven't been exercising, or working out. I've been feeling plenty bad about myself, my appearance, how I feel, how my boyfriend sees me... but none of that seems to have been a catalyst for change. Where's the wall that I'm supposed to hit to knock some sense into me? I've gained nearly 20 lbs since I moved in with my boyfriend at the beginning of May. How is this even possible?
I'm finishing college in 5 months and starting my career, but currently I'm stressed like you wouldn't believe. For my native-Irish boyfriend's sake, I'm living in a city nearly an hour and a half away from my school so he can have a decent job in the big city, and I'm commuting hours a day. (And eating sh*t in the car, might I add.) Money is an issue since I'm only working part time... and oh right, I'm getting married. But not in the fun-- my-boyfriend-proposed-and-now-we're-planning-a-wedding type way... we're getting married in the, "Sh*t, the government of Canada says that the man you want to be with can't stay in the country anymore unless you hurry up and finalize things" type way. So after a TONNE of stress, thinking things over, talking with friends and family members, pre-marital couples counselling, and pow-wows with the boyfriend himself, we've decided to get married "on paper," with the real proposal to follow sometime next year, and the planning of the big real wedding pending.
So, there's lots going on in my life, but the main thing that's scaring me like mad is my utter loss of control. I'm spiraling into this vicious cycle, and I can't seem to see an exit, and I'm.. weighing myself every day still, and watching the numbers climb. I'm so ashamed of myself for having fallen back to where I was at nearly my highest weight that I just want to curl up into a ball and sob in a corner somewhere.
I can't talk to my boyfriend about things, because unfortunately he's one of those people who's never had a weight issue in his life, so if I bring up my weight, he just shrugs, shakes his head exasperatedly and asks, "If it bothers you so much, and you feel so bad, why don't you just DO something about it?"
And then I wonder what's wrong with me. Is it really so easy for other people? Why haven't I done something about it?
I need an exit. I saw the number 162.2 on the scale this morning. I haven't seen a number like that since my third year of University when I had completely fallen apart, and... well, was treating my body the way I am now. With indifference and a love of junk food. 20 lbs up. Petrifying.
I'm gonna try to keep myself coming back to 3FC as often as I possibly can. Daily now. I need advice. I can't even remember how I found my exit before. Anyone have advice as to how to stop the spiral, and get back on the right track?
Oh Jelbb! I'm so sorry The important thing is that you have recognized the problem and have come back to 3FC for support and guidance. This happens. Congratulations on getting married, though it's not in the way you hoped - I hope that someday soon you can have the happy wedding you were talking about.
I would suggest first swap the junk food for healthier snacks. Make a plan, or begin journaling your food. Take it slow until you feel that you have control again.
It will be ok. You will take your life back, just as you did before!
Last edited by platformnine; 12-11-2010 at 09:55 AM.
I've been facing the same thing. Totally out of control for the last couple weeks. I think it's a combination of knowing the holidays are coming and I won't stay on plan for that so why stay on now. And the fact that this is the first christmas without my mom. I've just been overly emotional and teary over just about anything lately.
knowing the holidays are coming and I won't stay on plan for that so why stay on now.
Exactly this! I have been a crazy person the past two days because there are so many events going on, I feel like one more junk meal won't make a difference. Ugggh.
Jelbb, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this stuff right now
"Why haven't you done something about it" is a great question. I'm not saying it's easy to do something (oh **** no), but taking a big time out to ponder that question may give you some insight. You need to take care of YOURSELF first and foremost. I hope you find the answer soon
Jelbb, I remember you! So glad to see you back! (Just recently returned myself, up 15 lbs...) I KNOW you can do this, and nothing is wrong with you. Looking forward to seeing you around!
Jelbb, its going to be ok You have taken the first step in recognizing that you need 3FC for support and coming back. Kudos to you for doing that!!
I broke my foot last month, and i have gained several pounds back since then. I wasnt working out, and then I started eating crap crap crap and then that made me feel worse and then i ate more. The first step is recognizing that you have to stop the downward spiral, which you've already done! A good way to approach this (i've found) is writing down everything you eat. You don't necessarily need to try to change what you're eating right away, but if you log everything you put in your mouth and add up how many calories you are actually consuming, trust me, a change will come pretty much automatically. think to yourself, if i eat this, then i have to write it down and face it later when i add up my calories for the day. It really will help you get going in the right direction and hopefully lead to healthier, lower calorie choices!!!
I'm sorry you're goin through all of this. It stinks...and I totally get the binging as a result. You're emotionally eating-so many of us do it! It's totally normal! I did it this summer because I was miserable-and like you I gained like 20 pounds back (all the way up to 172). I felt horrible about myself! But I couldn't seem to stop myself.
To be honest it kept going until I just decided to stop one day. Coincidentally I've been in a good place for like a month and a half. Not surprisingly, because I'm happy it's easier for me to diet. And my success in losing weight makes me happier. It's a cycle...i'm happy so I don't binge, i lose weight, so it makes me even happier! Maybe this is one of those things where if you get on track and start to lose weight it will make you happy? And then other things will start to improve??
So basically, just will yourself to be on track for like a week and then another one? I would plan out my meals for the day in advance. With snacks included. And then just REFUSE to eat or buy anything not on the menu. Make it super easy for yourself. Pack your food for the day.
Jelbb I remember you! I have been where you are in terms of gaining back 20 lbs but not even knowing how it happened! It almost seems like you wake up one morning and all of a sudden you are 20 lbs up!
It seems like you have a lot of stress... school, commute, the wedding, etc. I know how life gets in the way of trying to lose weight, esp with the holidays.
Once I get into binge mode, boy is it nearly impossible to get out of it. It is just easier to keep going on the way you are than to start eating healthy and exercising. You will stop when you are ready. If it is possible, try starting the day with exercising.. that usually sets the healthy tone of the day for me. If I get my exercise done with right away, I can't make up excuses later why I can't work out.
I love 3FC, sometimes I go away MIA for months but I always come back and no matter what everyone is still here (for the most part) difficult times call for difficult measures. One thing I learned in life is stress and curve balls life throws at you, you can't fix as easily, but throwing in a Jillian DVD or choosing a healthier snack instead of whole cake or whatever is something you can change. Weight loss is seriously one of the hardest things I've come across in life even a break up and having your heart crushed still doesn't beat this as being the hardest thing.
All I say is take a deep breath and take baby steps for now until you get into a routine again. We all fall off the banwagon a zillion times before accomplishing our goals it's life. So for the big things you can't fix right now, work on the simple ones you can. good luck!
I went grocery shopping and bought myself a lot of low-calorie easy-to-make meals, and some low calorie snacks.. and I'm gonna start counting my calories again, and keeping tabs on what I'm eating. I don't even have to write things down, I've counted calories so effectively in the past, that I know the calorie amounts in pretty much anything I eat.
I think being good for a few days, and seeing a downward result on the scale--which will happen naturally anyhow, because my TOM is about to hit-- will really help me get back on track.
I just need some motivation to get my booty back here and check in on a regular basis.... and make sure I stay on track...
Jlebb! I feel you pain! This is my first post back in forever! I have gained 15lbs and I feel awful! I am still gong to the gym but I am not pushing myself the way I should be and my eating habits have slipped. I am feeling totally out of control. My clothes are becoming tight and my self confidence is terrible, yet I noticed the weight gain after 5lbs, but I let it get to 15!
With the Christmas season upon us I have 9 more holiday parties/dinners to attend! How can I not gain more weight!
I am a bridesmaid in a wedding at the beginning of January and I don't want to look back with misery on the pictures. I want to have lost this weight or atleast most of it by the End of January when I am acting in a play. I don't want to feel fat on stage.
I was 125lbs in May! Now I am 138lbs!
I lost weight by coming here before and you were here as well, and you looked amazing! I always took your advice because I knew you had it together and knew how to be healthy. I know you can do it again!
Out of Control
The important thing is that you have recognized the problem and have come back to 3FC for support and guidance. This happens. Congratulations on getting married, though it's not in the way you hoped - I hope that someday soon you can have the happy wedding you were talking about.
