Kellybean,
I am so impressed that you can step back from your situation (which is definitely a tough one) and realize that it's time for a change. What I've noticed in all my years of yo yo weight gain/loss, is that food never solves any of my problems. In fact, it just magnifies all the horror that is effecting me.
My advice? Start slow and make changes. You may want to post what you eat on a typical day and people here are great at helping you fine tune. Most people will choose a plan. I highly recommend calorie counting and using an online tracker (there are many and you can as about it on the Calorie Counter section of this forum). It's not for everyone, but I like it because there's nothing that is truly off limits but you just have a calorie budget and we're all used to budgets.
Exercise is good....accounts for about 20% of weight loss. I think it's more about detox and getting your head on straight than actual weight loss, but of course it does help burn off some extra calories.
Write down what you're going to eat before you eat it. Be sure to check in here every day. There's so much support. I recommend weighing in daily but only counting the actual weight once a week. Studies show that this is effective, but like anything else, it's not for everyone.
I wish you all the best and can't wait to hear about all of your hard work paying off.
Oh, never give up. There'll be bumps in the road but it's all about patience and consistency. No overnight miracles.
Here I go again on my own....
