I have three standard poodles (yeah they're big dogs) and I love them to death. My ex-husband and I got two of the poodles while we were together and the third one came around about the last few months of when the ex was around so really it's been my dog. Their ages are 8, 6 and 3. My ex-husband left them with me because he moved to South Korea for an English teaching job.
Basically BF told me today that he could never move in with me anytime soon (marriage would be out too I assume) because he hates my dogs. He told me "they stink up your place, they don't behave well, and I don't want some other man's dogs". I understand they can be rowdy at first but they calm down. He said he wants a clean slate with me. It's not like he would have to take care of them or put forth any financial means towards them. He said once they pass on then that's when we can move forward. He's not telling me straight out to get rid of them but we're not going forward until they're gone.
So now I'm sitting here wondering, are all men like that? Have any of you dealt with something like that? Isn't loving someone enough to maybe just deal with the dogs? This is my second relationship. I've only had one real boyfriend which was my ex-husband so I'm kind new to the whole getting back into the dating world. I wonder too am I selfish for not getting rid of them?
I don't think there's anything wrong with not being able to take the dogs, but you man up and either leave, or stay and drop it. The ultimatum is crap. Neither one of you can be happy with a relationship built on that, IMO. How could you not be resentful? And the bit about "another man's dogs" is just weird. Major insecurity. I don't think the dogs would be the last thing he expected you to give up for him.
You wonder if you're selfish for not getting rid of them?! O-o I'm sorry, but I fully believe that when you bring home a pet, that pet is yours until it passes on. They are part of the family, a complete package deal. Your youngest pup is 3 years old, so you've got to hope and assume that they will be with you around 11 or so more years...so is your BF really saying he intends to wait another decade before moving forward in your relationship? You say you love them to death, it's my humble opinion that if he loves YOU, he would never ask you (or imply) that he wants you to abandon them.
At first, I thought maybe you might want to make sure that they are trained and well-behaved, because it sounded like that could be the problem. But when I read the comment about "another man's dogs" my jaw fell open. What is that all about???? I'm sorry that you are in such a predicament, and you have to really think about it and do what's best for you. But, if it were me, I'd ditch the boyfriend and keep the dogs. Anyone that makes you choose between him and your animals is mean and selfish. Good luck to you.
Imagine if you had three children, ages 8, 6, and 3. Imagine that you have primary custody of your children that you had with your ex because he moved overseas. Imagine if your boyfriend didn't want to move in with you because your children "stink up your place, they don't behave well, and I don't want some other man's [children]".
That would be SO wrong and unacceptable. So why does he think it's OK to say that about your dogs?
I say that he has to deal with it or else you're gone. We all have baggage; there is no such thing as a "clean slate."
This guy is wierd. "Some other man's dogs"? That is one of the strangest coomments I have ever heard. What if you had children by your ex. would he say the same thing ? I think he would. This guy is a loser, you can do better. And poodles do not stink !
Sorry...you're a package deal. He's more dog than your Poodles. If it were me..with attempted control & an ultimatum like that...he'd already be kicked to the curb!
Okay, it's not quite clear from your post if he dislikes dogs in general or yours in particular or if he just wants someone who will obey every wish he has, no matter how outrageous.
You love your dogs, they love you, they are your family! And as sad as it might sound, they'll be a lot more loyal and lovely and grateful to you then the majority of men you will meet.
Don't worry, you will find someone who can love you and your dogs. Everything else has already been said.
My husband hated my dogs when we first started dating, and probably with good reason. They disliked someone else taking my attention so they chewed his shoes, his cell phone, his wallet ... anything that wasn't "mine" was fair game. He told me he couldn't stand my dogs, but he loved me enough to compensate for that, and then he went out of his way to show them affection and attention and gain their trust. Now, "my" babies are "our" children, he loves them and they love him. They sit at the door and wait for him to come home so they can give him kisses.
Any man that will walk away from you because of your family (parents, children, pets, friends) isn't worthy of you.
Well I like animals but I don't want any in my house. And yes, they do smell. Any house that I've been in with dogs smells, it's a fact and let's not pretend otherwise I don't care how often you wash your dog. This guy may feel the same way, who knows.
That being said, the ultimatum he has put on you is completely unfair. If he doesn't like dogs he shouldn't have gone out with you in the first place. When I was in the dating scene I made sure not to date guys with dogs, it was a deal breaker for me and it sounds like he should have made that clear from the getgo.
I know everyone is upset that he said "I don't want some other man's dogs" but what seems most disturbing to me is that he said you can move forward when the dogs pass on. How weird is that? A statement like this indicates something is seriously wrong, most likely he has no intention of settling down with you. It's just an excuse. Who says that? What if he said he'll only marry you if you dye your hair blonde?
Take your dogs and run. It's a ridiculous ultimatum and even if you got rid of your dogs for him you can be that he's going to put on you some other kind of ridiculous condition to be with him.
Last edited by Palestrina; 06-14-2010 at 08:42 AM.
I'm going to agree with everyone else. The guy sounds like a loon and a jerk. Keep the dogs and find a guy who likes them. Meanwhile, if thy really do have behavior issues then maybe consider some additional training.
I don't have dogs, but my husband and I do have cats. When we met we each had a cat that we had gotten during our previous marriages. Both of those cats are still with us. I love his cat just as much as the others and he loves mine just as much as the others. He never said anything about "some other man's (cat)" and if he had I'd have ended up being some other man's woman.
BF hates my dogs
Everything else has already been said.
