Does Anyone Else Feel Like Weight Loss Has Affected Your Sexuality?
I hope this doesn't offend anyone and that it's okay that I post about this topic...
I found myself in my first really intimate encounter since my weight loss recently and I was really surprised at how I felt and at my own behavior. I've always been a pretty sexual person...and even though I was insecure when I was overweight, I felt pretty good about my body when it came to sex.
Not anymore. All the things that made me proud and feel feminine and sexy are gone or different and in their place are new, strange, not so attractive things. My DD's have deflated. My butt is almost non-existent. It's somehow harder to find panties that flatter what I DO have and I can't help but remember the days that I could really work a pair of lacy boy shorts, obese or not.
I know my sexuality shouldn't really be directly tied to my physical appearance and I wouldn't have thought it was before I went through all this. I feel like less of a woman now. I know, I know...I look better in clothes, I'm healthier, I'm in better shape and have lowered my risk of all sorts of diseases and problems...but standing butt naked in front of a man, all of those things seem so irrelevant and I'm thinking, "What have I done? Where are my sexy parts? What IS this?" It affects the way I react to men. I'm getting more attention now but I think to myself, "If only you knew what's REALLY going on under these clothes..." It makes me shy and stand offish.
Guys are so visual...and my body is a wreck. And I can't afford surgery. Or miracle bras. I know I need to solve this from the inside out, but how? I don't want to spend the rest of my sex life hiding under covers and keeping my clothes on and holding my pitiful boobs together.....
Just a thought... Do you judge guys the same way? Like, he has spindly legs, or he's got a beer belly, or he's too hairy, or he's balding... and so on?
I'm just saying that our head trips are our head trips, and they may have nothing to do with what someone else sees or thinks.
My body looks like crap, but my husband still thinks I am beautiful, and moreso than when I was heavier" because he knows I FEEL better! I agree with Jay, I think you're giving yourself a head trip where none need exist. Guys are surprisingly unpicky when confronted with the almost imminent possibility of sex, and especially if YOU are confident with yourself, they probably won't notice the million little flaws we always rake ourselves over coals for.
You have body image issues, but I am willing to bet those have less to do with what you see in the mirror, objectively, and more how you FEEL about yourself. I would hazard, based on pictures I have seen, that you are a bombshell at either weight, and it is a matter of deciding to love yourself rather than criticize yourself at this new weight.
I used to have this when i was at my highest weight.. but now? FORGET IT. I used to be so insecure but now I want to do it in the light! Stand there naked..etc.
One thing too is if you recently lost weight, it could just take you a while to get comfortable and for your body to "settle" if you will.
You know how you look back at pictures of yourself when you were five or ten years younger and think, Oh my god, I looked good, but I felt so fat? All I'm saying is those saggy breasts are not going to get any perkier as you get older, so love whatcha got.
I know just how you feel, though. My stomach is shrinking, and in it's place is this hideous, wrinkly front butt--it's in two parts when I bend over and suck it in, I'm not kidding. It makes me laugh, it's so disgusting (otherwise I would cry). My boobs used to be like big warm bowls of jello, now they are like balls in the bottom of a sock. It's a nightmare. Thank goodness my husband has a sense of humor too.
But all in all, I love my new body. I am much more comfortable naked, without my fat belly jiggling all over. I am developing abs, and soon that front butt will go away. My husband is very excited about my weight loss and the firm parts that used to be flabby. The guys who are attracted to you now are probably not the same ones who sought out and appreciated the voluptuous you. They will appreciate the current thin you, so flaunt what you've got, because no matter what you've got, it's your confidence that makes you sexy.
I'm glad you brought the topic of sexuality up. It's part of our lives and we might as well share our thoughts with other people who understand.
When I was losing weight, I thought I would look so great and I'd have this great love life. Instead, I've completely lost interest in sex. Maybe I'm going through an adjustment period. I don't know.
I wish I had answers. Just wanted to say you're not alone.
I feel 100% the same. I lost weight for health reasons only. I didn't hate the way I looked at a size 16. I could find bras and clothes that made me feel good and sexy and confident. I had ZERO sexual issues and was outgoing and felt "womanly."
Minus 80 pounds - can't find anything that fits my body, loose skin is gross, boobs are gone, can't be naked in front of my husband and can't let go in intimate encounters because I'm too aware of how my belly skin hangs and flops or my boobs look like socks with weights in the bottom. It's made me lose all interest in sex, and that's gone on for over a year. It sucks.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it's been a concern of mine as well that after I lose more weight I may have loose skin and floppy boobs. I actually find myself wanting to have sex more, but that's because I feel so good working out and eating right. I've only lost about 25 pounds or so, and now I'm scared it's all going to dissappear, all those things that made me feel like a woman.
I have always had a small butt, one thing I liked about being obese is that I kinda had a butt. It's completely gone since I've started losing weight and there is no way for me to get it back unless I'm heavy again.
I'm not sure what advice I can impart but my own thoughts and feelings about my own body. Hopefully this will give you some insight into the fact that you are not alone and there are many that feel the same. I like what was said before, "do you judge a guy like this?"
My fiancee did not judge me when I was larger, and he does not judge me now. I don't judge him for being underweight either.
This thread is breaking my heart! I haven't lost much yet, and haven't had any sexual encourters since I started losing (erg!), so I don't know how I'll feel about this (although I'm starting to feel uncomfrotable with my deflating boobs!).
I have heard that spending time naked alone helps bump up your comfort level with your body and therefore your confidence. If you're home alone, close the blinds, and just do what you'd normally do, but naked (although cooking seems potentially problematic!). Sleep naked alone. I think it really helps (plus feels great, especially with clean sheets after a nice shower!).
I've actually been kind of a flirt since I got to a serious milestone... People who I don't really know are starting to notice, and it feels really good to see people noticing your hard work. I'm sorry I can't really give any advice in the saggage department -- I'm still a little kiddo compared to some people on here
Does Anyone Else Feel Like Weight Loss Has Affected Your Sexuality?
