Had a hard day Friday that caused me to try and stuff my emotions with food yesterday. All I did was prove my weakness and today it hurts even more that I wasn't strong enough to get over the hurt and move on. Here's what happened... Friday I took my daughter to visit MY grandparents. We were all sitting there talking have a nice chat when my grandpa looks at me and says, "I thought you were going on a diet." I replied, "I am on a diet, I've lost almost 40 pounds." He then says, "Where? Cause I sure the **** don't see it." I was totally shocked and speachless! I didn't comment back because I knew I'd burst into tears. I have been struggling with my confidence since starting this diet, people complimenting me has been kinda hard to take because I'm not use to it. My hubby has been very patiently been helping me accept the compliments and believe them. I have always just recieved them as people being nice not truthful. Anyway, Friday morning (Before this with my grandpa took place) I stood in front of the mirror and for the first time ever complimented myself. I could actually FINALLY see the difference in my looks and was feeling very confident! Then *POW* right back to feeling fat and ugly! My mom and hubby told me I should use this to prove him wrong but this morning I woke up feeling like I don't want to prove him wrong I want to prove I'm right!
Oh gosh Trinity! *hug hug hug* that is a HORRIBLY SHOCKING thing for him to say! I can only imagine that in the same situation, I would have burst into tears right then and there, so well done for not giving him the satisfaction of doing so!
You should be so proud of your accomplishment so far, fourty pounds is an incredible amount for anyone . If you can see the difference, feel the difference, accept the difference then what he thinks should mean nothing atall! Because there IS a difference, clearly, so obviously he doesn't know what he's talking about. Damn right you're right! Keep on striding towards your goal, and with every pound you lose, know that it's a pound towards being even more right!
First of all ... you have done a phenomenal job of not only losing weight, but taking accountability for making sure your self-esteem adjusts appropriately to that weight loss. Do not let *anyone* take that away from you!
Your grandfather is probably from an era where men could tell women what to do, and being overweight was disdainful. He's old, and he knows it, so he's saying whatever he wants before he dies. I think that's a common thing for old people.
I was once 20 pounds overweight and I had an old-fart boss who told me that I needed to lose weight or else I would never find a husband. I was like, 19 years old and wanted to smack him.
Just do your best to put this out of your brain. Listen to us say YOU GO GIRL, don't listen to him. He's outdated.
Congratulations on your great loss ! I don't know about Grandpa, is he very elderly.?Alzheimers perhaps, or has he always been so blunt? Some people will just say what ever crosses their minds , no matter what, I always say they are missing the trait that causes most of us to think twice. Do not let him get to you, even though it hurts. You will succeed . He may just be a nasty old man. Don't let him ruin your day.
Wow, I'm speechless. How often do you have to see this guy. I avoid hurtfull people. I am so sorry this happen to you. How pitiful is this old man. Is there anyone who can put him back in line. Is Grandam still around? Someone close to him should remind him to be more kind.
Like many people have said, the elderly think they can get away with saying what they want because they're old. After all, if you correct an elderly person YOU'RE the b!tch. I used volunteer in an assisted living facility and see it all the time. It was rude and inappropriate. You've come a long way and should be proud of what you've accomplished. He's an old fart, let him wallow in his miserable ways.
I have an uncle who is gay, which in his mind entitles him to say whatever he wants. If you correct him, you're homophobic, or just don't understand him, he's gay after all. He once said to me "Tim (my bf) is much better looking that I expected. I never expected you to be with a guy like that. What did you do to get him, put out on the first date?" Uncle, you may be gay, but you're also frickin' rude!
You just have to let it go. You can and have lost weight, your grandfather and my uncle will always be jerks!
Congratulations on your amazing progress! You're doing great and it must have been so exciting to see a difference in the mirror. Slip-ups happen and people might put their (uninvited) two cents in, all that matters is to keep going!
What is he usually like? My grandma got very mean when she started getting Alzheimer's. My stepgrandad, on the other hand, has always been mean, so whatever he says isn't a surprise. (He has very nofriends and even most of the people he's related to don't like to hang out with him.)
Either way, it's not your problem but his. You could always suggest it might be time to think about the "home".
First of all, congratulations on your weight loss so far!
I am so sorry your grandfather was so insensitive and ugly to you about your weight!! That was a very unkind thing to say and I am sorry that you stumbled off plan due to the emotions it brought to the surface
However, now is the time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and MOVE ON. Yes, it was hurtful, yes he was wrong in saying, yes what he said was blatantly untrue....
...but what are you going to do now? You have a choice. You can mull it over in your head, add some of your own negative dialogue with it, keep replaying it, feeling worse and worse until BAM you are back at your start weight...
... or you can brush it off, chalk it up to the nonsensical ramblings of an old man (no offense to gramps) and get back to the plan and vision you have for YOUR life.
Good luck on your journey *hug*
Last edited by MyBestYear; 04-18-2010 at 12:16 PM.
Growing up, I had a great aunt who I saw quite frequently who would make comments like that. Once she asked me why I chose to be fat. Keep in mind at the time I was 14 and weighed about 100 pounds less than I do now.
The important thing is you know you are doing amazing. I promise one bad day will not derail you if you remember that you can get back on track. This is not a sprint, but a marathon and having a few bad steps won't mean you can't finish the race.
I'm so sorry that your grandpa said that to you.
All that comes to my mind when he said "I don't see it" is that maybe it's time for grandpa to get some (new)glasses.
Dust yourself off and keep going. One day of emotional eating isn't the end it's just one day. Go back to making healthy choices. You are loosing weight and getting healthy, don't let a rude comment stop you from reaching your goals. :~)
I'm sad for you that he woudl be so thoughtless. *HUGS* That said, you know you are already doing the right thing, and it is time to chin up and keep on going. Even if you think there is nobody else who cares or notices...YOU are the one who counts and YOU need to keep caring. Don't give up on yourself!
We all know as people age they lose their eye sight so clearly that's the case. He needs his glasses adjusted because all he probably saw was a blur. I'm sure you look amazing with that 40 pound loss.
A few months ago a woman who always had a crush on my DF said "oh you got fat" (mind you she had a child around the same time I did and she gained quite a bit of weight too and is no longer slim. She has less to lose then me, but she isn't slim by any means.) I looked her right in the eyes and said "well, I can diet and lose the weight, but you are always going to be ugly. Even when you were skinny rich didn't want you and he wants me even with the extra 70lbs. That must really suck for you".
I agree with the others, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start fresh. Don't emotionally fix your problems with food because all it does is shift the bad feelings to feelings of guilt and failure! You said good-bye to those 40 lbs and you can't let them come back!
p.s. keep on kicking diet butt because that shows your daughter an amazing lesson in so many ways.
Hurt and Shock
