Have any of you girls/guys had a similar feeling/response about this?
I have an in-law that went on and on behind my back that my husband could "do better" when we became engaged 6 years ago, that he could have any girl he wanted, why not somebody cuter and thinner? When she saw me recently, in front of dozens of people, she loudly blurted, "Wow! You lost a TON of weight, you're looking great now!"
I may have overreacted a bit, lol. I looked at her icily and told her, "I have ALWAYS looked great, and I would appreciate it if you would use more tact when judging my appearance. I don't need an audience."
I feel pretty bad, now, for acting that way.
Do any of you girls feel offended or frustrated or embarrassed when someone says you look "good" or "better" or "great?" I try to be gracious about compliments, and I know most people mean well, but the implication that my beauty is reliant on being a certain size offends me. Especially when it comes from someone who I know was so critical of my size in the past.
LOL! I guess you are nicer than I am! I would've given her a piece of my mind, way meaner than "I have ALWAYS looked great, and I would appreciate it if you would use more tact when judging my appearance. I don't need an audience." If she is inconsiderate enough to go behind your back (and I AM ASSUMING YOU KNOW FOR 100% SURE SHE SAID THIS STUFF BEHIND YOUR BACK!) she deserves a lot more than this! She is selfish, conceited and just plain b***hy! No one should have to feel they are inadequate of the person the choose to spend their life with!
Maybe other think I'm being to harsh but I feel very strongly in people bully others, even if it's through rumors or talking behind their back!
Good for you for standing up to her!
Last edited by 5factorgirl; 03-11-2010 at 02:47 PM.
No one ever understood why my husband choose me (even my sister said "he's so good looking, why is he marrying you?), so I am used to it.
But I do look a lot better now that I am 60+ lbs down. My family is so weight conscious and critical I am used to it. And what is funny, is I used to be really thin, and I am still a lot heavier than I was years ago, but I look better now because I have learned to dress better, do more with my hair, etc. And I have more confidence. I finally figured out you don't have to be a size 6 to look good! That is what I wish I had known.
I dont believe you overreacted at all. I mean if she didnt practically shout it out in front of people, it would've been something. But she deserved it!
I normally will take compliments and thank the person. But I have a problem with the "now" and "better" part. It makes me feel like I was hidious before which I wasnt.
Compliments are both good and bad. I've lost a lot of weight (130 lbs and counting) and I know that I look completely different. I'm proud of my accomplishments but at the same time it's embarrassing that I let myself get that bad. Plus, like you mentioned it's not like I was some hideous beast before!
Still, as much as I love the "you look so good" comments, they are kinda back-handed. Of course, when someone loses weight I don't think it's possible to make a comment without it being a little back-handed. I focus on the positive and try to remember that my friends and family are just happy that I'm getting healthy. Any 'negative' meanings tend to be the result of my own insecurities so I try to ignore those thoughts and just be gracious.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I think what you said to her was perfect and you shouldn't feel bad about it. It's tough because it's family but sometimes people need to be put in their place.
In my situation, though, I really do look better now than I used to, I'm one of those people that just doesn't look good heavy. What REALLY gets to me now, though, is this...
Family members will say, "You look so great now. If only you could lose that tummy" or some variation of that! UGH it pisses me off.
I was going to start a thread about this but decided to let it go, but basically my mother has always been hypercritical of my weight and appearance, and recently, my father and I were talking and he says, "you look normal weight now. In fact, just your stomach is left. Your mother and I were talking and we disagree on one thing, she doesn't think you'll ever lose your stomach but I do!" As though him saying that would somehow give me hope.
And no, it's not that my stomach is really THAT big lol, my family is just that critical and judgmental!! Ugh gotta love them though, they don't mean any harm. I wanted to tell my mother that I would appreciate it if she kept her judgments to herself, but I don't want to start a fight between her and my father (for telling me).
Plus, she struggles with her weight so I know some of it is envy, and furthermore, I'll prove to her I can have a flat tummy by showing her not telling her lol!
If you feel bad, apologize to her- but you don't have to apologize for what you said- but how you said it. I'd say something like "I'm sorry for my behavior the other day, but I am not sorry for what I said, I HAVE always looked great and I don't appreciate what you told my husband before we got married."
The first time my uncle met my boyfriend, he said to my mom. "Wow, Shan's bf is better looking than I expected. Definitely not the guy I would expect to be dating Shan.... She got lucky on that one, hopefully she can keep him." There is a reason my mom is no longer speaking to her brother! He's a shallow, conceited jerk!
So I don't think you over reacted at all. I wish I'd been able to say something like that to my uncle, had I been there....
I think you handled it great! I know how you feel about resenting backhanded compliments. I remember when I was 16 and losing weight for the first time, my stepfather said to me "You're looking great now that you're losing weight. You look much more human now." That really stung!
Quit telling me I look great now!
