[Wannabenormal]

Another arguement with my husband over the tears of sadness tears of pain tears anger and frustration. Before we got married he asked me if I was going to lose my weight. I said I would - it's been two years and i've lost and gained several times over...and now we are having the arguement again. Why am I still fat? Why can't I see how unhealthy it is? Why don't I want to look good and pretty and be able to wear the clothes he wants to dress me ? Don't I want that? Yes I would like to be a normal size I just can't seem to find it inside of myself to do it. Now I'm here ..looking for someone who understands But knowing too that it's an exercise in futility ...because I know that this war in me is to be fought inside my brain. It would be great to find someone to talk to, but I don't have any friends who are going through this and they all think that I just don't have any willpower. If I did I wouldn't be fat. So here I am --not looking for sympathy but to find someone else who might have this similar feeling. I can't make my husband understand my pain because he just sees it as my telling him to f@&k off. I'm not saying that but it just feels like in my head criticism I am not even worthy as I am right now---just FAT. Whether or not that's true or not that's what I hear. I don't even know what to do--- I feel so unhappy and alone and I've done it all to myself. I am so messed up in head that I am doing this to myself? How do I fix this ? So I cry and wake up on Monday morning and go to work. I travel 500 miles a week back and forth between my husband and my mother and work. I am tired most of the time. I feel at 47 I won't last much longer. I do not like my job much because I see the praise for my work go to the eye-candy and not to the one doing the work---it goes to "theteam" which
means to her. I'm kept in the office out of sight and the others go and flirt and giggle with the CEO who is all about health and fitness . I sound like a bitter angry fat woman---and I would have to agree, I just haven't figured out how not to be. I'm trying to qualify for the gastric bypasss surgery but the insurance my job has is such that you must be in a weight loss plan of their choice and be monitored fit 1 year. If you haven't lost 10% then you can qualify. I would imagine there are lots of loopoles in this because if you don't comply you get suspended from the program. So with no choice but to go this route I willjump through thesehoops and continue to hear that I'm not trying. Wah-wah-wah.......I just have a headache. Food is my enemy and I can't get away or defeat it. Anyone out there have advice?

[guarchie]

I had similar issues with my boyfriend and my weight. I weighed 130 pounds when I met him and gained almost 90 pounds after that and our relationship became all about me losing weight. Now that I have lost it unfortunately it is harder to face the issues in our relationship because keeping on the weight was the excuse not to discuss all the other issues that were problematic in our relationship. I finally lost the weight for myself and not for the relationship and it has made me feel stronger, happier, more in control and at peace with myself. Losing weight is tough and unless you are doing it for yourself and for the right reasons it is easy to fall of the bandwagon. The first step for me was to learn to love myself and respect myself from the start of the process and do it to feel healthy and athletic again.

Good luck!

[KittehMomma]

I am so sorry for your pain. I hope you will find wonderful support and helpful information here--that's what I hope to find for myself.

[gardenerjoy]

I'm 47 and have lost about 10% of my body weight since the middle of August.

What has worked best for me are the books by Judith Beck. There's a group of us on this forum that follow her plan and discuss it every day. Please join us if you want to give it a try.

You didn't say, but if your eating problem is related to junk food, you might try the book The End of Overeating by David Kessler. That's the book that got me to stop eating processed food, cold turkey, and led me to Judith Beck soon after.

I sense so much pain in your message -- please take care of yourself, because I also sense a strong and dependable woman who is appreciated in this world even though probably no one ever thinks to say it.

[BabyBee]

Your post is heartbreaking I feel horrible that your husband can not find it in himself to be supportive, rather than seemingly cruel. There are ways to say and handle things, and ways to not.

There seem to be a lot of issues to address in your post. As I've found with a lot of people, a healthy inside is the first step to a healthy outside. Have you been to a doctor to discuss your feelings? Depression (no matter how mild) can lead to an unhealthy weight gain, and the feeling of helplessness to lose weight. Also, have you had your thyroid levels checked? Sometimes getting your vitals in thyroid/hormones/cholesterol is a great place to start. Afterward, you can make a healthy plan with your doctor.

And you shouldn't feel that food is your enemy! Food can be a wonderful experience, when used correctly! Raw foods, vegetables, fruits, whole grains, lean meats.. I've personally found ALL of these much more flavorful and enjoyable that sweets and junk food!

Please remember.. Weight loss should always be for yourself, not to please a partner, coworker, or other outside pressure. If you try to become something for someone else, it tends to be a very unsatisfying experience.

GOOD LUCK!! I hope you find the support and information you're looking for!

[Lose25]

Hi I just want to say i am sorry your feeling this way. I tried to message you but i couldnt. If you can get in touch with me and i have a program that i can give you and there is support groups. Just get in touch with me.

Kee

[tahoemama]

Well this is the first time that I have replied to a post but I was moved by the pain in your message. I am 40 and have been a starter dieter for a long time. After I have started a new diet almost every Monday for a while I start to look at some of the reasons that I keep "failing" or sabotaging myself. I know that one of the reasons is the obvious safety suit of fat. I have friends that are slim and get a lot of attention from men, sometimes unwanted, and I see this and it just makes me sick and angry that men think that they have the right to say and do these things. Needless to say I sometimes enjoy being in the shadows. Unfortunately it took my father passing away to realize one of the other things that I was doing. My father,brother,sister and I were in the hospital room and they were all telling me what to do, and I did whatever they asked with no questions asked. Then I went and secretly pigged out.
Once I got back home,I realized that I did that alot after dealing with people at work and my husband. Basically I have come to the conclusion that when people tell me to do things I do it with a smile on my face and then passively aggressively I go and eat whatever I want because 1. it makes me feel in control of something (even though I'm so out of control) and @. I look at it as a way to say na na na na to those who think they know better for me. I don't know if this may be why you are keeping the weight on to get back at your husband but it might be some food for thought. I am still working on ways to work through it but I'll keep you posted on what I find out. I was also wondering what your food weaknesses are?


















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[Mousey12]

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. This may sound naive, but is there any way to convince your husband to encourage you in a positive way? In my experiences, I had one boyfriend who criticized my weight which made me want to eat chocolate all the time and just ignore him! Now, I'm involved with a man who constantly tells me how wonderful I am and that constant encouragement makes me want to lose weight for him (and me) even though he likes me as I am. I hope that you can convince him that positivity and encouragement will help you and then everything can turn around!

[Wannabenormal]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I appreciate them all. At this point, I'm going to enroll in the weight loss program that the insurance program my work has and hope for the best. There are programs within this plan that may help, I only wish that more was covered by the insurance, but that's the way it goes.... I guess.

I will do whatever they tell me I must do and hope that while I am spending this time doing the program I'll also be gaining knowledge and effective coping mechanisms. I think I need this so I can figure out what is happening in my brain that keeps me overweight. Now that I think I've found someplace where I can express myself, perhaps my voice will be heard. Thanks again to all who responded... I didn't really think I would be heard among all the other "voices".

Happy Valentine's Day!

[Wannabenormal]

My food weaknesses tend to be bread, butter, no so much chocolate, tho I like it. Yeasty things. The thing that I would go for would be one of those giant Cinnabon roll.

[gardenerjoy]

Wannabenormal -- I'm glad you are feeling heard! You may find it useful to join up with one of the groups in this forum where people post daily -- it's amazing how fast you can find yourself feeling like you have friends waiting for you in your computer! The ladies in the 40-somethings group are wonderfully supportive or, if you qualify, you might try the group of people who are looking to lose a 100 pounds or more -- they have an astounding ability to look reality in the eye and still strive to be positive most of the time.

Mmmm. Cinnabon. The book The End of Overeating, which I got from the library, helped me with that one. Foods like that have been engineered to be irresistible to susceptible people like us. The book helped me to direct some of my anger at a food industry that wants to sell me more and more fat, sugar, and salt and doesn't give a hoot if I get fat in the process. So, I decided that I would show them who controls what I eat! Now, I'm perfectly satisfied with raw honey, mixed with cinnamon, and spread on homemade whole wheat bread from my bread machine.

[Wizzie]

Hi there! You're in the right place for support. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so much pain. My heart goes out to you.