So, I work in a fairly laid-back environment; my college's bookstore. I get along pretty well with all of my co-workers, from the sweet middle-aged ladies, right down to the lude stock guys who make the occasional mildly inappropriate joke.
One of the guys I work with... is probably in his early 30s. He's one of those guys... thinks he's pretty macho. Makes a lot of stupid jokes which I roll my eyes at, and retort with snappy sarcastic comments. But we get along fine, crack jokes with each other, whatever. Really off-hand random stuff, like him coming back behind the counter and me shooting him a fake glare and saying, "Who said you could be back here?" or me tidying something up and him snapping, "Don't do that," for no apparent reason other than to give me the opportunity to tell him to "stuff it."
So anyhow, he comes in the other evening, and he goes, "So I was looking at your Facebook photos."
"Yeah?" (That's fine, I understand that accepting someone as a friend on Facebook allows them access to your photos. I can't fault someone for creeping, it's part of the deal you're making when you "confirm friend.")
"Yeah. I mean, I know you mentioned that you used to weigh a bit more, but OH MY GOD. I mean, you look like a totally different person. Like, I wouldn't have known it was you if you hadn't been tagged!"
Okay. I mean, not exactly overly tactful, but he's a guy. He clearly intended it as a compliment, so I half-laughed and said, "Ah.. yeah, thanks."
However, over the course of that shift, he brought it up again about 7 more times. And I overheard him telling one of the guys in the stock room who I'd had a crush on for ages about how much more I used to weigh. (*facepalm*)
Still, I just... shook it off, ranted momentarily to one of my female coworkers about how it was pretty tactless, then dropped it.
So, my last shift at work, same guy was in. One of my coworkers had brought in Lindt chocolate truffle things and offered me one. I decided to have one. I was unwrapping it when I heard my name. I looked up, and he was looking at me from his post by the door where he was playing guard dog to the onslaught of beginning-of-semester students. "Jessicaaaa..."
"What?"
"Don't eeeat thaaat."
At first I thought he was just being stupid, like the standard joke-y, "Don't do that," crap we sometimes pull for no other reason than to be contrary. So I snapped back, "Psssh, I'll eat what I want."
And he replies with a half-shrug: "...just remember."
And suddenly, I realize he's referring to my weight. He was telling me not to eat a truffle because I might get FAT again! Honestly, if I'd had a baseball bat, he would have been in serious danger at that moment. I was just shocked that he could be so incredibly tactless!
ah yeah... he's just your average a-hole. You are right, you can eat what you want. God will curse him someday for that. You seem like a smart girl, don't think anything of it.
Male jerks like that might get a response from me that refers back to where it hurts them the most. Something like, "Oh right, I saw your (insert favorite word for male part here) on FB. It looked just like a penis - only smaller."
Does it make me stoop to their level? You bet. But I've had enough of men talking about women's bodies, and if I feel like going there... Otherwise since it's a co-worker you could threaten him with a harassment complaint for repeated comments about your body.
Ugh. How frustrating/unnerving! For some reason so many men seem to think they have the authority to comment on our weight or what we eat, etc. I have no idea why they think that is okay or even how to deal with it, but I sympathize because I've run into that a few times in my life before too.
I remember - back when I was actually a healthy weight, in my late 20's - having a meal after having gone for a 5 mile run. I hadn't had a chance to eat all day and I was starving. This was back when I was in the Army, in an overseas assignment, and work was frantic. So I ordered something high calorie because I was really hungry and because I felt I had "earned" the calories....I ordered some fried shrimp and french fries. I sat there and listened to some other soldier lecture me about how I was ruining my body and how could I order that after having done something good for my body (having gone for a run.) I supposed he expected me to be able to run five miles every day and live off 200 calories a day or something. Anyway, I just listened to him and said "whatever" but it really annoyed me and I've always remembered it.
So I can understand what you are feeling, you just want to strangle the guy I'm sure. I mean who made these guys the calorie police anyhow????
Anyway I'm sorry that happened to you. I keep hoping the world will become a better place, less chauvinistic etc. but it never seems to get much better.
Male jerks like that might get a response from me that refers back to where it hurts them the most. Something like, "Oh right, I saw your (insert favorite word for male part here) on FB. It looked just like a penis - only smaller."
Too funny, definitely a great comeback!
Some guys just don't get it. Sorry you have to deal with such an insensitive jerk. Try to ignore his weight comments and hopefully he'll get the idea, if not then it might be time for a serious smack-down.
I`m sorry you have to work with such an insensitive jerk. I really hate the double standard regarding diet. A skinny person eats something high calorie and fattening and no one bats an eye. An overweight person (or in this case a previously overweigh person) eats that same thing and it`s seen as an example of why they`re so fat and gross.
Never mind that the overweight person may be treating themselves after weeks of being on a healthy diet. Never mind that the overweight person may have already lost a lot of weight and just feels like doing something normal again. Never mind that everyone deserves a treat once in a while regardless of their successes or failures with weight. They`re overweight, so therefore they have no right to eat what they choose. *rolls eyes*
I`m lucky right now because I live so close to work I can just go home for lunch and I never really have to be around people when I eat, because eating in public has always been a very uncomfortable feeling for me. Unless I`m with just my family at home, I always feel like I`m being judged for what I eat, or how fast I eat, even when in reality maybe no one`s looking at me at all.
I hate jerks. Me myself am a very scarastic person but I know when to draw the line. U should come up with remarks for him. Tell him u feel sorry for him cuz he's balding or something. And meanwhile, remove him from your facebook you don't need to associate around people like that.
I'm not a 20-something so maybe this is just me being harsh from a 40-something perspective. But I would de-friend his sorry a$$ and tell him that any further comments about your body will earn him a harassment complaint to your supervisor.
There is a guy at work who always used to make comments about my height, as if I was some kind of circus side-show freak for being 5-11. (He's short, of course). The last time he did it, he was talking and then all the sudden he got this look on his face like he had seen a really ugly, smelly insect and said, "You're really tall!". I was ready, so I replied, "I bet a lot of people look really tall to you." I said it sweetly, with a smile, but he visibly flinched. And he hasn't said anything like that to me again.
I don't usually advocate rudeness but sometimes it works.
Unfortunately the food police all all around us , once they find out that we are on a diet or have lost a significant amount of weight. They just can't wait to monitor our eating habits. It will either be, "you should'nt eat that' or "you are starving yourself'. You can't win with these people. For that reason, I don't tell people I am dieting, If someone notices I make as little about it as I possibly can and change the subject.
UNfriend him right now!!! Of course, he'll probably mention that, but maybe he'll get the hint (or he will after you TELL him. He doesn't sound like the brightest crayon...)
Rant: Tactlessness
Otherwise since it's a co-worker you could threaten him with a harassment complaint for repeated comments about your body.
Too funny, definitely a great comeback!
Try to ignore his weight comments and hopefully he'll get the idea, if not then it might be time for a serious smack-down.
