[SkinnyGina]

... Ok second time around. Sorry if I already posted this but I can't find it anyweare

My last post was bit lengthy so since I am retyping it I am just cutting to the chase. Why do some friends become hateful and caddy when you start to get healthy?

I had a friend who has said I "starved myself" and am "full of myself" and other hateful things to undermine my weightloss. Why the jealousy? this friend has always been very competitive with me and now I am wondering why can't she let it go... My other post was a bit more emphatic but I have been friends with this girl for around 3 years now and always have been bigger than her. She started losing weight but gained some of it back. Now this comes out. Tell me is it worth hanging on to a friendship when she is this competitive? Shouldn't a friend be happy that I am finally getting down to a healthy size?

[L144S]

in short, some people need to be the smaller friend to feel better about themselves, some people don't like to see you succeed where they have failed becuse they have to recognize that they have failed (hey haven't we all?)

keep the friendship if you can work out this problem but don't be afraid to move on too if it is not working for you.

Hey and BTW great job on your weight loss!
It may help to talk about it with her...

[SkinnyGina]

Thanks! It boggles the mind how some people work, wish I could talk to her but I am not sure how receptive she would be. Asking her about that would be forcing her to deal with all her insecurities it might be safer just to distance myself until hopefully she becomes the "smaller friend" again!

[L144S]

Originally Posted by SkinnyGina

it might be safer just to distance myself until hopefully she becomes the "smaller friend" again!

This is about you! I have no idea hw old you are but sometimes along the way you have to burn the dead wood to become who you want to be and need to be, friends not supportive need not apply. It will ALWAYS be ok for you to be the "smaller" friend. size should never matterwhen it comes to friendship :-)

[vixxi]

SkinnyGina, I've been going through the same thing for a few years now! My friend has always been bigger than me and has always, always tried to sabotage my weightloss! She's very competitive and will always point out that im not eating enough to our other friends! (not true!) When I want to buy something that looks cute she says "you dont need that", she just likes to make me feel like crap and look like an a$$. I havent spoken to her in three months....who needs a friend like that!

[bargoo]

She is jealous !!!

[lizziep]

i agree she's jealous and well- misery loves company. it's hard to be friends with someone who has finally "got it" when you yourself aren't ready.
on the flip side of that, having been the friend that wasn't ready- maybe saying you're full of yourself has to do with what you guys talk about? Have you started talking a lot about your weight loss, how you're enjoying the new clothes, etc? For someone who is already jealous of your weightloss- to hear how happy you are would probably be pretty painful, especially if she's failed. not that i'm saying you're full of yourself, just that from her perspective maybe she wants things the way they used to be?
it's hard, and i am by no means good at keeping my own friendships in good repair... but if you guys have been friends for a long time i think the best thing to do is to talk to her about it and ask her what's causing her to be so snarky toward you and if, other then succeeding where she failed (which i wouldn't say to her lol) is there something you've done to cause her new attitude toward you?

[lucky8]

Yeah seems you friend is jealous , could be a number of reasons
1. that you are regaining some control over your life, starting a weightloss plan isnt just about what you eat its about a life style change and it needs commitmnet motivation, and organisation. Maybe she sees she hasnt got that control on her life and struggles to accept you have. Its natural to have a bit green eyed monster now and then but the fact ahes expressing it to you means theres a real problem of competition.
2. The fact you have always been bigger , she could finally feel threatened by you? that you may become smaller than her. Maybe having you as a bigger friend has always made her feel better about her self and now that could be taken away from her.
3. maybe shes unhappy with her weight also and see s it as a competion

Either way you need to see it out with her , suggest dieting together. But if she still going to be bitter .......i wouldnt fall out over it,realise when you do meet your goal weight that no one can take it away from you and you done it all your self and other peoples catty remarks will only make you stronger . Its them who have the problem. And its you who has made a great decision


I wish you all the success with your goal

[honeybjones]

She sounds like what I call a "vampire friend" meaning she takes and takes from you until there is no life left in you.
I am pretty strict with my friendships. If someone does not lift me up and make me feel better for having known them, I will cut them loose. I know that makes me sound like a beeeee-otch but friendships are supposed to be pleasant and supportive, a place you go to for comfort and reassurance. Not some crappy messed up relationship you try to avoid because it makes you feel bad and question your own sanity.

[lovingsam]

I think when people say something negative to someone else they are really just projecting their own issues and insecurities. She has issues and she is projecting them on to you. Sorry you have to go through this with someone you considered a good friend. Ultimately you have to do what is best for you.

[SkinnyGina]

Thanks everyone for all your insights - It is an awkward situation but hopefully she can find the motivation to set herself strait so she can stop being the caddy girl she is now and the wonderful friend she used to be

[TIARA]

this is my fear.. To lose weight and have people /friends tell me ive changed for the worst. From my point of view i honestly think id be the same person just full of more confidence and go getter attitude. I have always been the bigger friend or the funny one. I think you should try to work things out i mean she was your friend for 3 years. but if at the end you find she cant accept you then id leave its an unhealthy relationship. Especially if she degrades your loss as starving yourself.. because lets face it losing weight is hard and to have anyone say you didnt work hard to get it really isnt a friend..