Need some advice on my Roomate. She is driving me crazy...
We dont buy groceries together for the simple reason I am on a diet and calorie consious and she is not. But I offered to share condiments things like ketchup, mustard, salad dressing, mayo. So we dont crowd up the fridge with two of everything. Lately I have noticed this of mine being eaten. Such as my Activia Yogurt, Cottage cheese, microwave popcorn. light old cheddar cheese. This recent incident just make me actually want to blow up at her. She opened my container of fat free sour cream. Which I had bought on Friday. I went out of town for the weekend. On monday I was making tacos for supper. I went for my sour cream and she had ate the entire tub of it.. and left a teaspoon in the bottom. If that wasn't bad enough she did the same thing with my salsa!!! I am so mad. I want to say something and not be too rude but at the same time.. Stop eating my F*%!G Stuff. This morning she ate 2 pieces of my bread right in front of me.. I was thinking angry note.. but I know I should just say something.. Am I being to silly about this or what is everyones thoughts???
You have to talk to her, but I would keep the anger out of it. Not because it isn't justified, just because it will be more effective, and you have to continue living with her. Plus, if she eats your food in front of you and you say nothing, she may think you don't care. You probably need a list of things that are shared.
I def agree with Julie. I was steaming just reading that for you... so maybe take a few days to calm down. If you're anything like me when I'm mad, I tend to be really ugly and say really messed up things when I'm angry. Therefore, I know I have to walk away and calm down before I say a word.
For this exact reason I have never bought my own groceries.... my roommates and I have always pitched in half and half (or whatever is equal depending on roommates). At one house they bought a lot of steaks and red meat which I do not eat, but they would be sure to buy lots of chicken and things I would eat to balance it out. Maybe you should try that? It sounds like you guys are eating a good bit of the same kinds of things anyway.
I lived in an apartment with 3 other girls and we honestly didnt share anything... we all knew what was ours and and we would borrow little things from eachother but we never had this type of problem... If I were you I would confront her and tell her that you arent necessarily buying food for her to eat and that if she uses something to replace it.
Thanks for the advise guys.. I havent said anything yet because everytime I noticed something I am just furious.. And no we dont buy the same things... She just eats my things... I dont want to share groceries with my roomate becuase she is very cheap.. I do understand that she is a student, and when I was a student I ate different stuff that's for sure.. Basically anything that was on sale. Also I shop weekly and she shops maybe monthly.. I plan out all my meals and buy groceries accordingly.. I am just so mad.. Like common sense tells me not to eat her stuff.. Why doesnt she have any common sense?? Why must she be told like a child???
You definetly need a meeting of the minds on this. I would have a hard time being calm, cool and collected in talking to her but that is what is required. The other option is to shop more often, even daily so you don't have a lot of food on hand. Also you could even lock things so she can't get at them, all extreme measures but called for since she is stealing your food.
The least-confrontational route to take would be just to tell her, after you've calmed down, that each of you will be buying your own groceries from now on and for her to use her own stuff, not yours. Having two of everything is far less stressful than her eating all your food. Right now she's looking at you like the free food program. Then, if she continues eating your food, that's theft, and it would be time to either evict her or move out yourself.
I have this problem with one of my roommates. I'll cook/bake something, go to sleep, and wake up and its all gone. I'm furious about this - I'd recommend writing an email. Is it passive aggressive? Maybe - but at least you can think about what you're saying, and how you're coming across, etc. Just ask that she please not eat your food, and write your name on anything. Yeah, you have to live with her, so you should be nice, but I have no tolerance for this type of thing.
I freakn HATE when people do that! My sister and I are paying half of everything at our appartment since she is trying to eat healthy like me so we buy a lot of stuff for us and stuff for our brother who is living with us but doesn't pay for anything maybe once a month he'll give somethn if he feels like it mostly after he got beer and "smoking stuff" .Well he tends to eat EVERYTHING that's in the fridge and pantry he don't care if its diet stuff he'll just eat it and will leave like a spoon of watevers in there not even a serving size and just go on living his daily bum life it is so bad I'm thinking of moving soon. he just ate 4 out of 6 apples and 5 out of 8 cheese sticks the day after I bought them.Who eats 4 dam apples in a day?!?! I knw if I confront him it will break into an argument and I'll be labeled greedy......
I disagree with most of the replies here about being so adamant about "putting her in her place". It seems like an abundance of over-reacting and some are just down right rude.
You already invited her to share your condiments, maybe she thought you wouldn't mind about the rest of the stuff, and that you were welcome to borrow hers. Maybe she was starving and just wasn't thinking, but intended to buy you more. Or maybe she's a selfish pig. But how about giving her the benefit of the doubt?
I think writing an email, or a letter, or having a sit-down talk with her - with a speech already in mind are all terrible. It doesn't have to be so abrasive. It doesn't have to be so aggressive. You shouldn't be aiming to "teach her a lesson" - she's not a child, you're BOTH just on the wrong page.
Shouldn't the FIRST step be lightly saying in passing "Hey! I noticed you used most of my sour cream, but would you mind replacing it? - I had a great recipe in mind I wanted to try!" before over-reacting? I don't think it's right to put all of the blame on her, when you've already offered to let her borrow your food. You've got to take ownership of not having drawn clear lines from the beginning - and work on that. But do it with kindness! She's your roommate! You guys have to live together, and it is SO much easier to do without any bad blood between you. (Once it starts, it's hard to stop!)
If she still doesn't get it, suggest keeping masking tape by the fridge and label your own food so no one gets confused.
Anyway, that's my two cents after two years of RA training on roommate conflict resolution
Just don't be passive aggressive about it, better to just let her know what you want to change in a assertive but nice way. Shes more apt to stop that way.
I do not want to be mean to her that is why I have not talked to her yet. And I probably am not going to blow up at her. I have lived with a ton of roommates and each has their quirks. I am going to talk about it with her tonight.
I find the part that is bothering me the most is the fact that I actually have to tell a 22 year old to not eat food that is not her's. Also to have to tell a person not to put empty containers back in the fridge. The whole situation seems so juvenile.
But from reading everyone’s responses I at least know now that I am not overreacting and what she is doing is wrong. So that helps…
**** Roomates ****
. She opened my container of fat free sour cream. Which I had bought on Friday. I went out of town for the weekend. On monday I was making tacos for supper. I went for my sour cream and she had ate the entire tub of it.. and left a teaspoon in the bottom. If that wasn't bad enough she did the same thing with my salsa!!! I am so mad. I want to say something and not be too rude but at the same time.. Stop eating my F*%!G Stuff. This morning she ate 2 pieces of my bread right in front of me.. I was thinking angry note.. but I know I should just say something.. Am I being to silly about this or what is everyones thoughts???
