I am sorry, but that seems wrong to me. IF he wants you to get healthy, thats fine. But to not marry you because you are not "presentable". He should love you for you. If he wants you to lose weight, he should do it with you. Not present it as an ultimatum. In the end you want someone who who always be there for you, no matter your weight.
hey welcome to the boards I'm sorry to say that I dont like the pressure your boyfriend is putting on you, if he wants to marry you shouldnt that be because he loves you regardless of your size? Maybe you should look at why you both want to marry each other (personally i would have strangled him if he said anything like that to me )
I'm sorry, but he only wants you to meet his family if you look 'presentable' - the man who loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you "for better or for worse"? I don't want to sound too negative, but that doesn't seem like true love to me unless it is for your health (as in you are on death's door if you don't drop weight fast).
If you want to lose weight it needs to be for you! You shouldn't ever change yourself to fit what someone else wants you to be.
The best thing I can tell you about this is that you will never be successful in losing weight and becoming healthier if you're not doing it for you. You have to decide for yourself how you feel about the demands he's placed on you, but I can tell you from experience that if you're making that change in your life, it's got to be for you and not anyone else. Losing weight and being healthy is always a good choice to make, and I do hope you can look deep inside yourself to find the strength to make that move for your life - not to make others happy - but to make you happy.
His angry outbursts are justified? That's a load of crap! Do not bind yourself legally to this man! He will only get uglier as time goes by. He's controlling and moving into abusive, IMO.
If he's already putting conditions on your relationship, that it can only move forward on his terms, that doesn't bode well for a happy, long term marriage. Please don't let how you feel about yourself, and whether you are "presentable" enough (take it from a mom of three adult sons: a well-mannered young lady is always presentable), be dictated by anyone else.
In addition, look hard at what his stipulations are telling you... about him, and how he feels about you. That he would deliver that kind of ultimatum is, again just IMO, worrisome.
You're young and I can tell that you're smart. You deserve a man who loves you... period.
Like everyone else, I see a lot of warning signs here. And I think you see these, too. Trust me, I have struggled with my weight since way before I got married. And guess what, I struggle with it now, too (8 years and 2 kids later). I hope to win the battle of the bulge, but my husband has been supportive of me throughout. If he wasn't, I don't think we could have weathered the years. And let me tell you...marriage does NOT make problems go away, and it does NOT make things easier. And if you were to have kids, wow...talk about a whole new set of challenges. This does not sound like a man who wants to support you through life's many challenges...he sounds like someone who wants you to make yourself fit into the cookie cutter patterns he already has in his head. My opinion...this relationship is not in your best interest.
I really feel for you on this one...I had a question for the men in my relationships...would you still love me if I chose not to get the weight off? If the answer is no or you would always need to go to the gym and watch your portion control because "I only date thin women." Drop him. Are his standards of his spouse that she always remain a healthy weight and never overweight? Ask him. This is critically important. I do understand for health reasons. No one wants their spouse to not live life to the fullest by getting chronic diseases due to their lifestyle.
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I am just having so many doubts and insecurities now. I know he has never been unfaithful to me, he loves me dearly and his anger and impatient outbursts can be justified.
Listen to your inner voice and intuition. You already know if he is truly the man for you. It is better off to be alone and happy than to be with someone and miserable. Best wishes for whatever you choose.
Last edited by better health3; 10-06-2009 at 07:27 PM.
i agree with everyone else if he really loves u he wouldnt make this an ultimatum its one thing to ask u to be healthy for the sake of u being healthier but to say ur not presentable because of ur weight is an outrage. everyone deserves to be with someone who loves them unconditionally not only under certain circumstances.. good luck hun and god bless also another way of support is on youtube. look me up sumtime fromthick2thin is my name there
If he truly loved you, he wouldn't care if you "presentable" to them or not. And by the way, what IS presentable? a size zero? no one can tell you what to look like. It's YOUR body, it's YOUR life. Do it for yourself. He could've told you to get healthy but "presentable"? no. That's too harsh. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? ask yourself that. If he wants you to look a certain way during your marriage, what makes you think he'll love you and accept you when down the rode you'll be pregnant? and have babies? you're body is going to change and if he can't accept you now. He'll won't accept you later. Good luck! and really take some time to think before you jump into anything.
Last edited by beautifulmess; 10-06-2009 at 07:59 PM.
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You're 25 years old....you've invested 7+ years in this "relationship"....you're overweight....and chances are, you feel like time is running out for you and no one else is going to want to marry you. Step back....take a deep breath....open your eyes wide....open your ears wider....the red flags are all around you! This person is placing "conditons" on you. Are you prepared to meet those conditons and continue meeting any other "conditions" he places on you down the road? Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? What happens when you can't fulfill his "conditions"?? Will you continue to justify his anger & impatient outbursts? What if, despite your utmost efforts, he still doesn't feel you are "presentable"....then what? You say he isn't unfaithful to you....but....what if he becomes unfaithful due to his obvious embarassment of you? Are you going to stand by and make excuses for him and say his behavior is justified? Please understand, I am not trying to be mean...I am just hoping to get you seriously thinking and reconsidering this "relationship". A wedding ceremony & a ring don't magically make everything wonderful. A relationship & a marriage need a strong foundation to withstand the ups & downs. That foundation is mutual love & respect for each other. I'm very sorry to say, I don't see either of those in your situation. If you are on a message board asking if his behavior now will affect your relationship in the future....I think you know the answer. You deserve better....don't sell yourself short. Please remember, people treat you the way you allow them to treat you...past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. I'm afraid where your bf is concerned...what you see is what you get and no matter how you try to justify it....he does not respect you. Life is too short to spend it unhappy. I hope you find someone who loves you for you. It sounds like you deserve it!
All the best to you!
Too fat to get married... :(
I'm sorry to say that I dont like the pressure your boyfriend is putting on you, if he wants to marry you shouldnt that be because he loves you regardless of your size? Maybe you should look at why you both want to marry each other (personally i would have strangled him if he said anything like that to me 
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