[Meggie Girl]

Hi,

Haven't posted in quite a while. Was going great guns. Hubby started to sabotage things.

Relationship, after 7 years, is on the skids. His mother says she can't come to visit her son and grand children (distance of some 600km) because I have too many hissy fits. Dutiful son doesn't know what to do. Keep mummy happy and treat me like rubbish or grow a spine and put mummy in her place. I didn't realise that he was like that. I have hissy fits but have kept my tongue in check after suffering a week long sulk. MMM.

I don't know whether to try and make it work or just get out of here.

I left my family and friends to go west. To make a life with him and his children. The youngest was only 6 at the time. We have had some hard times but I'm sure there have also been some good times. Thing is, he does not support me or back me up with the kids at all ever. He'll just sit there if they are play up.

I have offered to bail out and see my family if his parents want to visit. That doesn't seem to have been a solution. At the moment, he is barely talking to me. There is no comfort or support. I seem to be marking time keeping house for a stranger. I can't believe that he cant turn his feelings/love for me off so quickly or completely. We have not had an adult relationship for 4 years. I thought it was either his Diabetes or just the fact that he works so hard. We don't have any quality time on our own.

I should also add that mummy has also fallen out with other daughters-in-law. She is a very hard person. She finds fault in me at every turn. They have even decided to share our few holidays with us.

Gosh, I sound so pathetic. Thing is I was single. Money of my own. Freedom to do as and what I wanted. Not that I was a rebel or anything.

Now, I feel like I'm being crushed. Punished. No money. No job. His house. Mostly my furniture with a heck of a lot of stuff in storage.

Is it likely to get better or should I just cut and run.

Help! Needless to say. The diet is in shatters at the moment. But I want to get back to it. I'm feeling very unloved and totally unappreciated. I never thought this would happen to me. The sick thing about it is, I think I still love him. It's cutting me right though.

[geoblewis]

It sounds like you have a lot of emotion invested in a relationship that isn't paying off. Difficult place to be, very difficult. I can't tell you what to do, but I will tell you what I did.

I was married for 25 years. The relationship had both highs and lows. We have children. I tried and tried and TRIED to make things work. I hung on for dear life because I simply do not believe in divorce. But a relationship requires two full-time participants. In the end, he checked out completely, and every time I said something about leaving, he begged me to stay, only to resume ignoring me.

The ex is spineless and weak-willed. He blamed everything on my weight. For a little bit, I believed it was all my fault. I worked my brains out to lose 50 lbs. and to become his vision of a perfect woman. He took every opportunity to sabotage me (he actually did that for 25 years). And then he dumped me! Kept saying things like "Why did you wait so long to lose the weight?" I made a perfect home for him to come to every night and he converted the garage into a "man cave" so he wouldn't have to come in. He belittled all my efforts. Eventually he sent me away with a one way ticket (we were living overseas) and no money and then secretly filed for divorce. I was served papers in front of my father, who is dying of cancer and I flew out to care for.

So we've been separated for seven months now. There's always pain to deal with, but I'm moving on. I now have my kids with me, some of my things, and I'm getting back my dignity. Getting a divorce is painful. Staying married for all the wrong reasons is even more painful. Having the freedom to be who you are, fully, whether it's in relationship or not, is wonderful!

I have come to appreciate that I want to be in equal partnership in a relationship, and not be there because I'm serving a function. I'd rather not be in a relationship at all if I can't have that. And I am just wonderful on my own as well.

Good luck!