"Are you pregnant?" No, absolutely not! I'm just fat!
Yes, it's true. Today at work, a woman asked me if I was pregnant. True, I am wearing a longer shirt and sweater that probably aren't the most flattering (I was in a rush to get out the door). But to hear those words directed at you from someone when you are, in fact, NOT PREGNANT, is humiliating. Anyone hear me?
I'm a tall (5'9") 27-year-old-married-but-not-pregnant overweight woman! Two years ago I was happy and mostly healthy at 150 pounds. But after getting married, it was like I put a flashing neon sign on my stomach saying "FAT HOTEL: VACANCY." The pounds started coming slowly, a couple here and a couple there. I didn't think this was going to be any major issue. After all, I had been SO STRICT in the days prior to my wedding, a little fun wouldn't hurt! Right? WRONG. As soon as word got out about my new hotel, the guests came pouring in! And worst of all, they never checked out!
I have successfully gained 50 pounds since that most happy day of my wedding. And I was blessed with the kind of body that collects it all in one place, my stomach. When I try to buy jeans, the size that fits most of my body is no where near the right size on my waist. And the size that fits my waist makes the rest of me look like a parachute.
The most humorous fat experience I've had thus far was trying on some jeans at a plus-size store. This was my first time ever shopping in one, and I was a little nervous. The most hilarious thing about it was that when I stated I didn't like the way they looked (which was AWFUL) the sales lady just kept telling me I'd have to get "used to" the fit. Excuse me? Get used to 10 extra yards of fabric around my butt and thighs, and get used to the 3 lacking inches of fabric at the ankle? I don't know how she could say such a thing without bursting into 1) tears or 2) laughter.
Anyways back to the subject of weight loss. After knowing for a year that I need to stop getting fatter, I am finally really truly doing something about it.
About 4 days ago I started doing Turbo Jam, which is an awesome workout. And you know, I think that is what REALLY depressed me about a woman asking if I was pregnant. It was like, "HEY, I have worked out for 45 minutes each day for the last 4 days, and NOW you ask if I'm pregnant?!" *Sigh* I guess you just hope someone notices you are doing something, even though it is impossible to see results in 4 workouts...laff.
It took me 2 years to get this way, so it is definitely going to take some time to get back to where I was. I just know something has to be done because none of my old clothes fit, I'm embarrassed to go out (literally, I avoid social activities because I don't feel good in any of my clothes), people think I'm PREGNANT, and my wedding ring barely fits me.
So, my fellow ladies, I'd like to say hello and I look forward to *hopefully* finding some kindred spirits among you who can help me laugh and cry my way back to my old self. Or should I say my "new" self?
*Stands up* "Hi, my name is Mrs. ImNotPregnantDontEverAskMeThatAgain, and I'm a food-a-holic. Nice to meet you!"
Height: 5'9"
Current Weight: 200 lbs
Goal Weight: 140 lbs
(Short Term Goal: 185)
Welcome!! You have definitely come to the right place for support... Everyone here is so helpful and supportive.
As hurtful as it might be, you have to left your co-workers comment roll off of your back. We are already unhappy enough with ourselves... Let me guess...she was a toothpick or close to it?? People don't understand the constant battle that goes with trying to not eat and lose weight.
You have made the right decision and soon will be feeling better... YOU have to do this for you and only you!!!
Welcome aboard!!!!! First, I'd like to start by saying that I really enjoyed your writing style...you obviously have talent! Second, if someone asks you a stupid question, you should question their IQ. I've had this happen to me more than once and was humiliated. I ended up trying to make a joke out of it to make the OTHER person feel better about my fat! Is that crazy, or what? That's what I do though. I do whatever I can to make other people happy, but I need to forget what THEY think and just focus on myself. Same goes for you, though it's advice we all need to follow and that's easier said than done. I totally know what you mean about being insulted after you try so hard. The hardest part of weight loss (for me) is that stage when you're eating right, kicking your own butt every chance you get, but still look almost the same! Just hang in there....you WILL loose that weight. You just need to stay in control and be consistent. If you fall, get right back up and do it again. The less you stumble the better, but it happens to the most dedicated food addicts. I'm a food addict too. I gained 50 lbs. in about half the time as it took you due to severe chronic daily migraines that I had for about a year. I'm doing better now with those and so I've got myself revved up and ready to go. You've definitely come to the right place for support. I visit here about 3 times a day and I LOVE IT. You and I both have a lot in common in terms of weight loss needs. I'm about your height and I started off a bit heavier than you. Let's do this and never look back!!!
Horrible. I wrote a long reply to you all, and managed to delete it before posting. *Awaits the applause* I will try to do this again with as much gusto as the first post. A-hem...
Thanks to everyone for such an awesome (and swift) welcome!
Didjaever- The lady who asked me was actually overweight herself! Go figure. She immediately tried to make us both feel better by saying that she gets that all the time too...? Well, if people ask you that all the time shouldn't you realize how crappy it feels, and maybe learn NOT to ask anyone yourself unless (as lisa stated) YOU SEE THE HEAD COMING OUT???
But to be honest, I am glad she said what she did. Sure, it was humiliating and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die a slow and painful death. But on the flip side, it was a wake up call that I probably needed, and it did motivate me to do an extra hard workout today. And between every punch, kick, and jab I muttered (through tightly clenched teeth) "I...AM NOT...PREGNANT!!!" So there we are
luckymommy- Thanks for the compliment on my writing style. Writing is sort of my secret passion. I daydream of writing a book one day about everything and nothing Back to weight loss. Yes, it does appear as though we are coming from a similar place! I am excited and feel that I am really and truly ready for the change this time. I have spent the last 2 years packing my head FULL of information on exercise, weight lifting, proper nutrition, etc. I guess somewhere along the lines I forgot that I actually had to put the books down, get off the couch, and APPLY the knowledge.
But that will change
Thanks again to EVERYONE for the welcome!!!
Last edited by kapowilicious; 06-19-2008 at 08:46 PM.
Aww, I feel ya. Somebody asked me that once waaaaay back in 1998, and I remember it like yesterday. It was so awful, because neither one of us could walk off. We were at an amusement park waiting for our children to get off of a kiddie ride. So we were stuck there side by side for probably 2 minutes, which felt like ages. She turned around to me and said she was sorry with tears in her eyes three times. I don't know which one of us was more humiliated! She really felt awful. I bet the person that asked you also feels terrible.
Great job on that Turbo Jam, though - keep up the great work! I bet the next time somebody comments on your stomach, it will be to ask you where you got those washboard abs!
Chin-up on the pregnancy question...if I've learned anything, it's that people in general are lacking tact. I WAS pregnant and still hated that question so I can only imagine what that felt like.
You are an excellent storyteller though, and I'm anxious to read more of your tales as the journey to a healthy you continues. We all need a little outlet and it seems you've found yours in writing. Good luck with your journey.
Oh, bless you! Yes, I know that one - LOVELY feeling, isn't it? I had that a year ago, pretty much: I'm a teacher, and it was some school event with lots of parents milling around, and this one woman came up to me and was all smiles, and said "So you're coming to see us tomorrow?" And I blinked, and smiled uncertainly, and said: "Ah, possibly? Um?" And after a little more conversation I gradually realized that she was under the impression that I was actually one of my colleagues. Who was at that time NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. And, you know, we don't actually look much alike, but we're both white, and we both have shortish fairish hair, and evidently that was enough.
...nice sensation, eh?
Much worse, though, was a taxi driver last year. OMG. Now, you should keep in mind that here in Thailand, maybe 85% of women of all ages have the build of a 13 year old Western girl. I FREQUENTLY see girls walking around whose entire arses are the size of one of my bum cheeks, and with thighs thinner than my upper arms. This is just how Thais are designed, for the most part (and the traditional food & lifestyle has been supporting it - although now that there's so much Western junk here, which they're devouring with the same fervour as normal Thai food, you DO see more Thais who are comparatively chunky. Which is to say Small-medium sized).
So picture me, one evening, having been at work all day and then gone grocery shopping, standing waiting for a taxi. Normally it takes 5 mins or so, but on this one occasion I waited 45 minutes. During which time several people stole taxis right out from under me, and a good number of taxis bafflingly refused to go in my direction (maybe they were aware of roadworks or something?), and my British reserve grew more and more strained. Eventually, with a manic gleam in my eye, I was on the brink of punching the next S.O.B who tried to queue-jump, and the guys behind me were starting to look a little scared. And then, finally, surrounded by choirs of heavenly angels, a taxi appeared AND AGREED TO GO TO MY DESTINATION! There was singing and dancing and general rejoicing (er, literally, I seem to recall) and I bounded gleefully towards the taxi, piled in my bags, and sat down.
To my surprise, the taxi STANK. Generally the Bangkok Taxis are very nice, but this one reeked like something had died a long, leaky and lingering death in the backseat, and then its corpse had been sprinkled with old tunafish. It was, in short, a most unsavoury taxi. However, it was a taxi! And it was going to take me home! And the world was no longer a vortex of suckitude, but was instead a bright and happy and hopeful place!
...at which point the taxi driver glances over his shoulder, does a comical double take, and exclaims in a tone of utter astonishment: "YOU FAT! YOU SO FAT! YOU FAT FAT FAT! WHAT YOU WEIGH?"
My jaw sort of dropped. And I have to say, ten years ago I think I'd have burst into tears and cried for a freaking week - but I'm a little thicker skinned now, and also I'm used to living in foreign parts. So instead I just stared at him, and then dissolved into hysterical, hyperventilatey-type, can-barely-breathe laughter. For the next ten minutes. And he found it quite funny too - I mean, this was the thing, he wasn't trying to be offensive, he was just as gobsmacked as if a two-headed man had sat in the back of his taxi. As far as he was concerned, this was like saying: "OMG, You have TWO HEADS! TWO HEADS! TWO! How does that even happen? My God! TWO HEADS, man! WTF?" Plus, he was probably quite proud of the fact that he spoke enough English to be able to share his astonishment with me in English. He was really quite affable, and once I could eventually breathe and more or less speak without cracking up, we managed to have a little more pigin conversation of the 'where are you from, do you like Thailand' etc variety, and he was all very good humoured.
But, MY GOD, it was quite a smack in the face.
Funnily enough neither of these incidents were enough to kickstart me with the weight loss thing - it actually took something hopeful (seeing somebody else who was older than me, had been heavier than me, and had halved her weight in 2 years) to make me feel that it was possible to change things. And it was! And is!
And LAST week I had a taxi driver who kept turning around and saying "Suai! Suai!....Beautiful! Very beautiful! Sexy!" at me, and kissed my hand when I got out of the taxi. Which, while a trifle creepy, was one **** of an improvement over "YOU SO FAT" Guy!
I would have smiled widely and said, "yes! I'm 21 weeks along!" then let her figure out on her own over time what a jerky question that was/is to ask someone.
...thinking about it, you know, I saw a woman I know last week whom I'd not seen in months, and she seemed to be wearing a maternity-style frock and looking pretty damn pregnant...and yet I still bit my tongue, because I didn't want to ask her in case she wasn't. So it was only yesterday, when someone else mentioned it to her and she was all 'Yes, yes, I am pregnant!' that I congratulated her.
Really, you just CAN'T go making that assumption, unless it's someone you know really bloody well.
Welcome to the site it is really wonderful, motivating and supportive.
The same thing happen to me last week, and in the grocery store of all place. I wanted to die right there on the spot in the meat section.
I was really upset and angry, then I saw my reflection in the glass case, OH MY GOD I dO look pregnant, but it still did not give that person the right to ask me a question like that when they did not know me, some people just dont think before they speak.
The encounter I had in the grocery store nagged at me all day long so I tried to look at the situation in a different light because actually it really drove home the point of what I have been telling myself for the past 3 months I really need to lose this weight I know what I need to do I just need to do it and that comment motivated me to do what I need to do.
"Are you pregnant?" No, absolutely not! I'm just fat!
. . . so glad you found us . . . it will definitely be fun getting to know you better, Chickie . . . 
