Welcome Jennifer,
I think it's very important, no matter what your current weight, your starting weight, how much weight you have to lose, or how many times you have lost and regained it, to get rid of that disgust. Losing weight is perhaps one of the most difficult things to accomplish, and no one, not even you yourself, should despise you for not being as successful as you dreamed. With a family to care for and an injury to recover from, you did the best you could, and that's all anyone (even you) has a right to ask of yourself.
I think our culture has it backwards when it expects us to hate ourselves for not being as thin as we would like, or worse as thin as we are "supposed" to be. You don't need to hate yourself to lose weight. In fact, I believe it's generally counter-productive (why would you take care of a person you hate). Instead, see yourself as a person worthy of the gift of self-care, the pampering of treating your body well with good, tastey, healthful food. Give yourself permission to put yourself, body and soul first (or at least not dead last).
You deserve this (and you don't deserve anyone's despising, especially your own).
|
