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Originally Posted by tralala
My problem is that I have a lot of trouble with unwanted attention. I'm 220 lbs and have been around that for the last few years since my grandma died. Every since I was 12 I've had trouble with men following me when I'm out in public, finding me online and bugging me and talking inappropriately, and have been stalked by several strangers and ex boyfriends.
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Oh boy, have I been there. In fact I was pretty lucky nothing seriously bad ever happened to me. I wasn't overweight when I was a teenager but I had curves, especially in the posterior and it went far from unnoticed. By your age, I had been followed by a 28 year old guy (I was 16), by guys at my junior high, by a man who kept wanting to talk to me and wouldn't let me pass him. In my 20s I was stalked by 3 different people, 2 of whom I never even laid eyes on, and resulting in having to change phone numbers, screen names, etc. I've been leered at and hit on by older, married guys. I've been groped and followed off a bus to where I had to grab a cab to make an escape. I've had guys sit themselves opposite me at a restaurant if I'm there alone. I had someone who came to my workplace briefly to work with someone, I helped him get Mapquest directions, and he apparently took that as invitation to try to search out (unsuccessfully) my phone # and address and hit on me. I ended up telling my boss that I felt very uncomfortable that this guy kept coming into the office and talking to me after that and she spoke to him and he left me alone until he finally left....and he was also married. One time I even had my then-boyfriend call a weirdo and pretend to be a cop-boyfriend to scare him off (it worked!). Right now there's a younger (also married) guy that stares at me on my way to and from work (and I'm 42 and this was happening even before I lost 35 pounds). Harmless probably but I still don't look at him in the eyes, I don't do anything that may make him think I even know he exists. I've had too much experience with idiots who think politeness equals interest. So if someone thinks I'm an aloof ice princess so be it!
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I hate that I give up what I like to do because I don't like the attention I get. I worry that it'll only get worse if I continue to workout.
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Don't.
Don't give others the power to keep you from doing what you want or need for yourself. You know....as rotten and unfair as it sounds, jerks are basically gonna be jerks no matter what. One thing that ironically turned out to be both an advantage and disadvantage for me was that I had a pretty strict, "have to be a good girl" upbringing. On the one hand, that made me somewhat naive but, on the other, it made me focus on doing the right thing, using my head. I didn't go anywhere with these guys, didn't let them take me anywhere, wasn't alone with them.
The best advice I can offer is don't be afraid, but be cautious. Don't let them control your actions when it comes to doing something positive for yourself but, at the same time, try to prepare yourself for the reality of the way some guys can be. If there's things you can do to minimize/prevent contact with these people, do it. Build up your confidence....figure out ways to handle unwanted attention. People like that usually want attention back...I find ignoring them usually works pretty well for me. And...consider also...your working out is making you stronger. The idea that you could be better physically prepared for unwanted attention should the situation escalate can be empowering. Let me tell you...I have an inflatable punching bag and when I hit that thing, I realize dang, if I punched someone like I punch that bag, I could really hurt them.
Mind you, I'm not gonna hit every guy that looks at me the wrong way but if someone tries something, he's gonna be in for a surprise.
Oh, btw....hi and welcome!!!
Hi. I'm new =)
