[FaeReverie]

Hi to everyone who doesnt know me! Im Fae.

This really has nothing to do with weight loss... but it is sort of related, and I need to confess to someone right at this moment, and I NEED reassurance that I am not the only one. And I figured this is the best board to go to, rather than the Chicks in Control, for reasons that will soon become apparent.

For those of you who dont know me.. I rejoined these forums last August, at 220 lbs. In April I hit 169, and since a trip back to my hometown I have been fluctuating in the min-170s. Which, although it is not where I want to be, I am quite proud of.. after all, I have been living a healthy lifestyle and been trying to lose weight for over a year now. I'm also a former pack-a-day smoker, I now only smoke when Im drinking to get drunk (as opposed to social drinking)

Now the story:

I have a 6 month old puppy who still has accidents in the house, especially in his crate when we leave him alone when DB and I both have to go to work. So every 2 week I shampoo my carpets. Which means for a few hours myself, DB, Lucky (the dog) and Nimue (my cat) sit outside, and usually we order pizza. And today I felt like drinking no real reason, so I picked up a case of Mike's for DB (I had Bacardi and diet pepsi). So after we got inside we both started drinking, and after drinking some of mine (which had maybe 4 or 5 shots of rum) I started drinking some of his. I had a cutoff time of midnight, because I have to be at work at 9 am and I wanted to be sure I wasn't hung over. I also had gotten a back of ultra light cigarettes, since a) I knew I would have cravings and Im not at the point when I want to quit smoking while drinking, I told DB that next year, when I say I want to do quit that I need his help, since if I feel he will be angry at me I will not do it, so he will have to pretend to be mad at me to help me quit, and b) grease from pizza + alcohol = upset stomach, which, unfortunately, cigarettes help for me.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I had a drink after my cutoff time. After, I took a (very shakey) shower, and curled up in bed. And I saw spinnies. Yea, you know what I mean. My stomach felt queasy, so I went outside to smoke. And it helped, so I curled up on the couch. And I still felt sick. And I had to go to sleep... still have to, as a matter of fact lol.

All the distraction and everything I could do would not help. So I resorted to the only other thing I could think of.. I made myself sick.

Now, this is not something I am prone to. I have never been a purger... I think this is the first time in my life I have done it. I had the stomach flu in 7th grade, and that has made me afraid of being sick ever - every time, I flash back to being sick in the middle of the cafeteria, and almost all over my best friend. Talk about embarassing! And that is a tangent, I know, but I am trying to explain my train of thought. My action had nothing to do with calories, I was (and am) completely prepared to own up to all that I ate and drank. It was entirely to do with how I was feeling. After having a smoke, I no longer saw spinnies but my stomach felt horrible. Im not sure if I would have been sick or not, but I knew I had to get rid of the feeling before I felt better.

Im not sure if there is a point to this, besides the obvious question: Have any of you ever done this? I feel so guilty to have done it, even though it was not to do with my lifestyle change and everything to do with my bodily health. Im thinking the grease from the pizza, the large amounts of alcohol, and the many cigarettes I smoked all added up. I have to get it through my head that after over a year (since, before I moved from PA, this is something I would do with no ill side effects with my friends) my body cannot handle it anymore.

[blondebritbrat17]

Yes I have done it as well unfortunately when I was clueless of what my body could handle now since I've cut out similar things like greasy foods, and drinking.I never drank very much, most I've ever had is 4 drinks and they were small glasses but now I find my tolerance is zero now. So I just don't drink at all anymore. I have stomach problems already and let's just say I'm not willing to do anything that might cause me an upset stomach. I have some friends that smoke only when they drink so I can't really give you advice on that since I am a nonsmoker 24/7. I don't recommend throwing up purposely on a regular basis. I've only done it once on purpose to relieve myself after realizing that I was sick from greasy food and the other few times it happened it was entirely involuntary. So after those few times I learned. All I can say is just listen to your body and find out your limit and unfortunately it might be through trial and error like me.

[Lyria]

I only ever did it a couple of times at the height of my "anorexic" days - it was actually probably the moment I woke up to myself and thought this can't continue.

[kaplods]

When I was a kid, I was often accused of "forcing" myself to throw up when I was sick. And my husband has said the same thing, that I sound like I'm trying to throw up. I'll qualify that this hasn't been because of overindulgences of food or alcohol, but on the rare occasion that I'm sick to my stomach already such as with the flu... When I feel like I have to throw up anyway, I think I unconsciously try to just "do it and get it over with," so I will feel better.

[JustSharing83]

I don't have to force myself to throw up when I drink, I just plain can't handle over 2 drinks. If I drink more, I'm up all night vomiting every hour or so.

However, there have been times when I was sick that I knew I would feel better if I threw up. I don't like putting my finger down my throat, so I just put a clean wash rag in my mouth and it does the trick. Kinda gross, but true.

Now on a more embarrassing note, I have purged after a meal I felt guilty about a few times. Mostly because I had so much food I made myself sick and just wanted to take a little off the top. It's never been a habit and I'm sure I haven't done it over 5 times ever, but it's still not something I'm proud of.

[bida]

Only with drinking have a forced - or waited until I threw up - moment of purging come through - knowing that without doing it i would be in for TROUBLE thoughout the night. (and the morning )

don't feel bad - it was the drinking I'm sure! The spinning makes you nauteous and you prob would have thrown up anyway.

[Jadeybaby]

I've made myself sick a few times.

I get the worst hangovers (but I'm a student and I love to drink) to the point I cannot even drink water the next day. One day I felt queasy all day, I'm talking 9-10 hours and I thought I might actually die because I couldn't drink anything. My friends were actually asking if I wanted to go to A&E. So, I forced myself to throw up a few times and I actually felt less queasy almost instantly and was able to drink some water.
I end up doing this once every few weeks when I'm back at Uni.

There has been maybe 2 or 3 times that I have eaten too much that I feel so uncomfortable that I've made myself sick. I know for sure I don't have an eating disorder and it makes the pain in my bloated stomach stop.

However, it's a really bad habit to get into as I am sure you understand. I don't do it unless I think I have to...

[jasmine987]

I have done it several times especially if I cant fall asleep because I drank too much! I just use the handle of my toothbrush to trigger my gag reflex. It is a bit shameful but sometimes you just have to get it out of your system quick! I dont think its good to do though...I cant imagine it is a good habit to start. I have cut back quite a bit on my drinking so I havent had to do this in a few months at least.

[Vanessa M.]

Don't be so hard on yourself, you were wasted! It doesn't sound like a bulemia purge or anything, just like you had way too much to drink and had to get it out. Sometimes it's a whole lot better than trying to keep it down. Most of us have been there, don't worry!

I don't throw up often, and never on purpose (except when I'm drunk and know I'll feel better after I do) but I'll admit to finding the silver lining of food poisoning, lol! This actually happened last night, I got way sick and threw up a few times and couldn't help but wonder how much weight I had just lost, lol. Not good, won't make that a habit!

[stiebena]

yeah, I agree with Vanessa. There's a difference between making yourself sick because it relieves nausea, and making yourself sick because you're worried about how much you ate. I've made myself vomit before when I was feeling particularly nauseated...lets face it, it makes you feel better!!

[NakedHousewife]

I've done that when I felt sick already, either due to eating something that didn't agree with me, having a stomach bug, or whatever. Mostly it's just when I have a migraine or motion sickness. That helps end it more quickly. I don't attribute it to eating at all (except when something is in my stomach making me feel queasy.) As long as you're not doing it when you feel like you've just eaten too much, I don't see where there's any slippery slope.

[KellyZ01]

Yes I have done this and you are def. not alone. I had to make myself sick because I drank way too much and probably would have had alcohol posioning.

Kelly

[AmberD]

Yep I've done it before too.

Sometimes after a night of drinking if I'm dizzy I'll make myself sick so I can get to sleep. And if I'm feeling quesy in the morning because of it, I'll make myself sick just to get it over with.

I think if you sometimes purge when drink, it is nothing has nothing to do with wanting to be thin, I wouldn't be too concerned about it.

[chickadee315]

well #1 i dont agree that vomitting while drunk or even making yourself sick the night or morning of does not consitute purging.

just curious how you manage to stay on your diet while "drinking to get drunk" also not to be the "mom" but drinking just to get drunk is borderline alcoholism just fyi this is not mean to offend

[Flutterby873]

If I've drank too much sometimes I do force myself to throw up because it makes me feel better. Alcohol is like a poison to your body if you drink too much so when you throw up from drinking your body is trying to rid yourself of that poison. If I do make myself throw up after drinking its only when I've gotten to the point that I know I'm going to be sick but just need to help get myself going to get out (I know that sounds sick but its the only way I can describe it).

I've only made myself throw up once after eating something. I had gone to a restaurant with some friends and ordered a burger. I was staying over a friend’s house that night and I felt really sick so in the middle of the night I woke up and made myself throw up. I think I had food poisoning though because I was throwing up for almost two days and couldn't eat anything for four days. I think I just needed to trigger myself to get it out of my body. I agree with the others though I think there is a difference between throwing up because you're afraid of the calories you've consumed an throwing up to feel better when you could get sick anyway.