Before I had my daughter I was overweight to begin with but as my pregnancy went on I acctually lost 30lbs because of eating healthy. Then after I stopped breatfeeding I started putting the pounds back on and then some. Well I decided to get really serious about losing weight when my daughter was about 1 (she is now 2) so I started the Adkins Diet and was really starting to do well. I of course was keeping my best friend informed on my progress and to my suprise she was not supportive at all. Infact she was down right rude at times. Not at all being the rock that I needed at that important time. Well I gave up on trying to lose weight then. And let me just tell you that she herself was overweight and it wasnt till about a few months ago that she herself decided to do something about her weight. She lives on only chicken but she critisized the way I was trying to lose weight. And in high school her weight loss method was saltine crackers and jogging. It worked but not for long. Now that she is losing weight I have incouraged her and then go home and cuss her because she couldnt do the same for me. This time when I decided to embark on a new journey to loose the weight I dont even want to tell her or even talk to her about it even though I need so badly to talk to someone. So I really appreciat this web site and these forums. Im just so glad to have gotten that off my chest I hope you can follow what I was saying. Its just so hard when the person that is suppost to be so close to you and is ultimatly going threw the same thing as you to not understand how important a support system is. If anyone wants to keep in close contact and be a weight loss buddy I would love it. Thanks for listening to me vent
Here's what I think. Maybe in some way she's just jealous. Even best friends can be that way sometimes. Sometimes the people closest to you are the ones that make things the most dificult for you. Sometimes they try to sabatoge what you are trying to do. Don't let her get under your skin. Start over and keep her out of it. Your reward will be when she notices your changes. Let her do her thing and you do yours. If you do it the healthy way and she does her's the not so healthy waym guess whick will have a greater success. Keep her as a friend but leave her out of your weight loss plans. It sounds like she's just added weight.
I understand completely. I have a bf (well, not so much. I actually wish I weren't her friend at all) that is stick thin and so inconsiderate. I wish I could go on a rant about her behaviour but that would take up half a page. She's always pointing out my flaws, putting me down in front of others, and straight up calling me fat, even though I make it a point to never criticize or put her down. However, when I tell her I'm going on a diet, she says stuff like, "I doubt you'll loose more then a pound or two...yada yada..." You probably know what I'm talking about.
The point is, some people don't care much about the wellfare about others. If you're friend is like mine, you can't confront her about your discomfort with her actions or she'll turn on it back on you with something you did a year ago and then she'll be the victim. Sorry, I'm going to stop before I get myself mad, haha. Anyway, don't worry about what she thinks. Keep supporting her, you show the example. Maybe she'll learn. If not, you could try to talk to her about it. I don't know how well it would go, since I don't know her, but you could try. Just think about whether she is the kind of friend you want, but like I said, I don't know her. You do!
Last edited by BumpSetSpike; 07-09-2007 at 03:25 AM.
That's rather unfortunate. Your friend seems like an utter b*tch (excuse my language). In all honesty, I believe that the reason she's being unsupportive is because she doesn't want to see you strive ahead-she clearly, herself, has some serious weight issues, and your losing weight makes her feel less about herself. She wants to have the upper-hand, and your progress only lowers her own self-esteem. My advice? Forget her. You don't need someone like that having such a profoundly negative impact on your life. If she's losing weight, well then great for her. You can always get a little down and dirty and make this competitive ya know ;] That's how I've been; being more proactive than her, lose more weight than her, make her jealous. Haha, I'm so bad. But seriously, she's rude and disrespectful. You need someone supportive to turn to, not her.
By the way, (just out of curiosity), have you ever brought this up to her?
shes jealous. you have us!!!!!!!!!!! we know you can do it!!! your the better person for being there for a friend who wasnt there for you . that is a rare quality. your a beautiful person. inside and out
girl, I agree that she's jealous!!! I don't think she's being much of a "best friend" right now and I fully think that you need to "move aside" her friendship for your OWN sake! it's so tough to keep up a weight loss regimine when you are not being supportive! she needs to quit judging and do her own crazy saltine diet!
girl, you've GOT US!!!! we are all the encouragement you need here!!! I don't discuss my weight losss with my best friends because I don't think its much of their business---maybe you should try the same?
I come onto this site and get all the help I need!
Wow. With friends like that, who needs enemies, right?
Yeah, she's jealous. She's lost her "eating buddy" is what I gather. If you (we) make healthy choices and have a positive outlook, we'll be able to keep the weight off for good. We all deserve to be healthy and thinner so we can do more and live longer, esp. for our families/children etc.
Here's what I'm trying to remember: I'm not missing anything, I've had all the junk and look where it's gotten me? Eating junk is easy, but eating well can be challenging, but I'M WORTH IT! So, we're worth it!
You have new friends here who care about your health and want you to succeed!! You come here when you need a friend and some strength!
I agree with the other posters. I would just add this, I don't tell anybody I am dieting that saves me from hearing rude, insensitive comments. When somebody says "don't you want a piece of pie, or whatever , I just say
" no I don't feel like it today" or some such comment, anything but "no, I
am on a diet,eventually someone will notice you are losing weight then I say I did it on purpose.
Thanks to you all for the posts. I know that I am better off not talking to her about letting her bother be because if there is anything that I have gotten from being overweight it has been that im not going to give someone like that the satisfaction of knowing they upset me. I know that doesnt fix the problem but im sure she is just jealous, I think because she wasnt ready she didnt really want me to succeed and now that she is loosing weight herself she doesnt give a crap about be. But just so you know I just resently moved and live in a different town so we only talk on the phone and I havent talk to her about trying to lose weight at all and I dont plan on it. I know that I have all the help and support I need with this site and these forums. Its truley inspiring to read all the success stories and see all the before and after shots. Thanks for all the words of wisdom, Nicolette
I don't know if she's jealous, or rude, or stupid or just what her deal is .... but I can say this with almost complete certainty: she is NOT your 'best friend'.
A best friend is a supporter from the word go - a best friend is a rock when you need them, is reliable in good time & bad times, and will always have your best interest at heart. A best friend will laugh WITH you, not AT you. A best friend is someone who will make you smile, and be there when you cry. A best friend is gift; not a burden.
If I had someone who made me feel so cheap & unimportant, I'd have to cut them out of my life. And remember: YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU.
Good luck with your diet - YOU CAN DO IT. Others have done it before you, and many more are right here doing it with you. This is the "best friend" of weight loss websites!
I went to lunch today with a dear friend who is naturally very slender. She ordered a full size appetizer, salad plus entree and ate every bit. She commented on how much food I left on my plate, how I dipped my fork into my salad dressing before spearing a bite instead of pouring it on my salad. It really didn't bother me cause I know what I'm doing. Then she got quiet for a minute, then said, "I can't believe how b****y I sounded." And apologized. She has always been quick to compliment my weight loss and any little thing I do, like toenail polish! Sometimes people just don't think before they talk or do.
A different friend, who has known me ALL my life, is so totally uninterested in my progress. I saw her for the first time the other day after losing 46 pounds. She made no comment. When I finally brought it up, she only said, "I need to lose twenty pounds" and proceeded to talk about herself. On and on and on. This friend, like yours, is so self-centered she cannot give, only take. Sort of makes you wonder if they deserve the title of friend, huh?
Hang in there, chica. You have come to the right place for positive support and lots of encouragement! I wouldn't be 46 pounds lighter today if not for this place. You will make a positive difference in your life. Come often! Lisa
I agree with Beach Patrol, call her jealous, call her rude, call her everything but the kitchen sink (and maybe that too :P), but don't call her a best friend. Even non-best friends are supposed to show more support (or at the very least, some courtesy) for your weight loss efforts.
Anyways, I'm sure you'll find more than enough support here at 3FC stick to it and best wishes in your journey.
Chica,
Your so called best friend is a HATER! Hehehehe. Seriously, stick to this new way of life for YOU and for your family, not unappreciative people. And because you moved away, get yourself ready for the day she'll see you again and allll the great changes you've made!
I just have no patience at all with such people. Enough! Don't let people like that near you! Get a dog! Get TWO dogs, but negativity like hers is simply vicious! There is nothing remotely friendly about her behavior. Yuk.
chica...i agree with what everyone is saying...this person doesn't sound like a "friend". Who needs that crap. I would rather have NO friends than friends like that. Find support and help here and find new friends where you live. Its time to get healthy in you life by loosing weight, exercising...and most importantly finding great mental health....loosing the people who don't add something to your life. Growing up i was never one to have large number of friends...i always had a few close friends...but they were friends that would support and cherish my friendship. People who bring negative vibes into your life and don't help your life grow and flourish need to be banished from you life. They do nothing but promote self doubt and negativity. Life is too short to be "dragged" down by ppl who don't help enrich your life. Good luck with your weight loss....you will find the true friends along the way
I have an unsupportive best friend!!!
