I am mostly a lurker but but I need some serious help and I knew this was the place to come for it.
I have been unsuccessfully dieting for years now and really DO want to lose weight. I try so hard all day long and then somewhere along the line, I lose it. Life catches up with me and binge or I have a little bit of something that was not in the "plan" and I think "well, I might as well..." I live with my MIL who is a junk food junkie, so even though I only buy healthy foods, never eat out, and drink a ton of water - there is always more than enough for me to "cheat" with and I can't throw it out because I didn't buy it. On top of that, I work from home so I am around the food all of the time and usually, no one else is here so it's easy for me to consume a lot of food without anyone judging me. The cheat food is what is keeping the weight on because for most of the day, I am ok. Everyday I wake up and think "today's the day" and then somewhere along the line, usually after a mega binge, that thought changes to "ok - tomorrow is the day."
How do people do it? I SWEAR I have the desire but I have no self-control. I don't need the food but I lose control and it takes over. How can food have so much power over me? I have tried asking her to not buy junk food because I am on a diet (but I think she is secretly trying to sabotage me so that she won't be the only unhealthy one), I have tried dieting with a friend but we were feeding off of each other too much - cheating included so that didn't work...I have tried it all. My problem is in my head - HOW DO I GET IT OUT?!?!
Please don't judge me - I tried posting on WW and they were very sarcastic like "duh...stop putting the food in your mouth and you will lose weight." I know the logic, I just need help with the rest.
Ok all I can do is be empathetic -- which is what we should be here (I think). I wish I had a dollar for every time I found myself mindlessly eating stuff I didn't even want. Its tough its hard -- we are not like alcoholics or smokers where they need to cut it right out of their lives. We need food -- we need to eat and we just aren't wired to eat to live. I fall into the category that I live to eat. Even though I am currently in the right mindset my meals are my focus. What can I eat - when can I eat etc etc. The only difference right now is I am actually doing it for the most part.
We are in the right place and time to do this. For once we have the information and the tools (ya for this site). I blog here and another site -- I put my feelings and what I am eating out for me to see. I record all my food and calories daily and hold myself accountable. Of course I will have times like last weekend where I just didn't bother -- I took a vacation from recording anything -- but at least my mindset made me mentally accountable for what I injested.
Read as much as you can -- look for success stories -- I used to be envious now I look to successes as my inspiration. I am obviously not that different so I should be able to do it. Another thing is to get moving -- I am not sure how old you are -- I will be 52 soon we weigh about the same and I know its hard -- **** it was the toughest thing I did to get moving but in three years I moved from doing Curves three times a week to attending serious fitness bootcamp. I am always at the back of the pack but to me all I need is to look at myself at the end of the hour and know I did what I could and I finished -- I didn't quit.
I truly wish I could bottle this mindset for you and other friend's that are struggling to get going -- but if you just take it with baby steps -- remember this is a marathon not a race you will succeed. Check out my blog and start one of your own -- I am more than happy to help be a cheer leader for you.
I know the feeling and I have tried so many times, and I do think sometimes things just click - but this time, I just focused. I set my daily calories at 1500 and have stuck to it. I am faithful about writing things down, but love it, because if I want an ice cream sandwich, then I have one, or I will have half - so that I can have dinner - I live off Healthy Choice Dinners - so they are only 240 or 270 calories at night - and have Weight Control Oatmeal with added Fiber for Breakfast - I work at a hotel with Banquet food at every turn and I have been able to stick to it.
I do allow 2 "Free" Meals each week, and that is what I plan around and allows me to not have to fight the pressure at events. I ahve truly enjoyed the process this time, and have learned so much about myself and my abilities - not to mention, how great it feels to need new clothes - because the others are too BIG - not small!
Try a few things and see what works for you!
KM
I have no advice as I suffer from the same pitfalls. My oh my...your post could have been written by me (and our stats are exact). Everything you said is me, EXACTLY (except for the never eating out part, when I binge it is ALWAYS drive thru style!). I binge, and boy do I ever binge, and then I am always prepared to start my healthy eating plan tomorrow. And like you, I am a perfectionist when it comes to eating, so if anything unhealthy goes into my mouth, no matter how small, I just throw in the towel for the day and eat crazy with the intention of starting tomorrow...and now I am 237 lbs. I guess I am just sympathizing with you as I have no advise. I wish I could suddenly gain control over what I put in my mouth. That sounds so silly, I want to give myself the same answer as the WW people gave you, but it doesn't work that way. Oh how I wish I could give you some fail proof advise, but all I can say is your not in the boat alone, tomorrow is a new day, and good luck!
Absolutely no judging on my part, you've came to the right place.At weight 360 I knew that binge eating had taken over my life, and the thing that got me to say no to food (although I do have the occasional relapse, i even whined about it in another thread) is just knowing that if i kept up what I was doing, it was going to be harder and harder to go back to a healthy weight. I joined a support group and got a sponsor, just like if i were addicted to drugs or alcohol, because food is my addiction. I went from diet to diet and nothing worked for me, because I was still binge eating on healthy foods. I decided with my sponsor it was time to make out a schedule and portion control. I started eating only by the schedule and controlling my portions, and pretty soon I was back on track. Right now I wish I had the entire pizza that I know my boyfriend left in the kitchen from his late night with his friends, and its taking everything to say no to it. It helps if you look at it a day at a time rather than "Oh my god, how am I going to be in control forever?" Being human we all will slip up now and again, but maintaining the positive attitude about it helps a lot more than imaginable right now.
The old "Food controls me, I don't control my food" is so accurate in my life. I try to look at each item--be it an extra serving or two of raisen bran, or a bowl of ice cream, or enchiladas---and say, "does this food have control over me, Must I Eat IT?" Is this taco telling me what to do? Do I always obey this bag of chips? It helps to talk to my food. Yeah...I'm a little crazy. Sorry about your WW greeting. You must have been on the Newbies Board, they are so rude on that board.
I know exactly what you're talking about -- even at this point in my weight loss journey, where I've dropped a significant amount of weight, I have to fight my cravings every single day. I still lose the battle sometimes, and I've grown to accpet that I'll never be perfect.
I just try to work out to the best of my ability...exercise, and the pride I feel in my stronger body, is the only real deterrent I've ever found. It makes me want to eat foods that will fuel my body in a positive way. And I try not to kick myself *too* hard when I tumble off the wagon (like last night).
As for the crappy answers you got on the WW forum -- bleep that. Diet forums should be happy and supportive places, and it's disappointing that people would be rude to you. (This is not to tar all WW posters with the same brush.)
Just came across your post and here is my advice to you - everyone's approach to weight loss is very different. And that is one of the keys to making it work. I have been seriously working at weight loss for 2 1/2 - 3 years now. It has taken me that long, and that is without putting a significant amount back on. Now don't get me wrong, in the past I have fad dieted many times and put it back on plus some. And guess what, believe it or not that is another indicator of successful weight loss - perseverance even though you fail multiple times. I am by NO means an expert here but I do have expertise in maintaining a goal 'size' 4-6 for many months now( I haven't weighed in many months - another thing that works for only me because the scale deceives me...and makes me depressed) However I am accountable to something or someone - in my case it is my personal trainer (highly recommended...well worth any money you pay for it...and I don't make that much...tee hee) But I struggle to this day with binge eating! You would think after dropping so many sizes that some weight loss issues would go away or even diminish in intensity but they don't! I have to keep bad foods out of the house or I get weak (so if I were you I would find some miraculous way to lock up that tempting food or get it out of the way regardless of whose feelings get hurt - you deserve to be good to yourself on this matter). I have to WORK at exercising because it is something that I must incorporate into my life if I want to keep my weight managable. Here is another suggestion which may be weird to you, but when I am at home for the summer (big hint as to what my job is) I sit on the recumbant bike and surf the net or read - or I get on my treadmill at various intervals during the day. Just find a way to take time to get active at home - in small bits if need be. It is soooo hard and I feel where you are coming from - home can be a diet killer. Remember that it is possible to lose weight no matter what obstacles there are in front of you and it really is not willpower but perseverance. Good luck and I applaud anyone ready to start the weight loss journey again.
I absolutely, 100% know where you are coming from. Someimes I get this kind of cloud over me when I know I have to go and eat some crap, usually sugar, and nothing or nobody is going to get me out of it. I know that I'm a lot lighter than you but this has ruled my life for 20 years and I'm sick of it. I can go 5 days ish being really good and then I break out and eat enough to fell a horse in one sitting. Somebody on this site once said to me that I couldn't undo all the work I'd done in one day and I was like - are you joking? I can eat 6000 calories+ easily in one sitting, and I do - too regularly.
One thing you mention in your post is something that actually I used to my advantage the last time I shifted some serious weight. I worked with a woman who spent all day every day trying to sabotage me. Offering me food direct, leaving all my favourite high cal snacks on my desk. It was absolutely deliberate. I was always smaller than her but she didn't want me to get a lot smaller than her. It somehow made me stronger. I just used to refuse to screw it up because she wanted me to. Is your MIL happy? I bet not, she's just trying to hold you back.
I've just got back on plan afer a couple of really bad weeks. The only thing I can say is just get through one day on plan. Just one. That you can do and you don't have to be perfect. Forget calories, points etc. Just make a plan of good food that you know aren't calorie heavy and a few snacks and just go for it for the one day. Once you've got though one you're going to find you get through another.
It's hard living with people that don't have a problem with food. My DH can buy junk food, put it in the cupboard or freezer and forget about it for days. I ask him how can he do this? If it's in the house, it's on my mind constantly...before, I'd eat it until it was gone so I'd be free again. (ya, good thinkin', eh?)
I'm trying now to make sure it doesn't come into the house at all. He can eat the junk at work or if we really want it, go out to eat it. I think that is a healthier way of doing it, even though it's more expensive.
LOL Do you think you can move out of your MIL's place soon?!!? I'm sure this is a BIG strain on your relationship.
Ok Ladies, (((Group Hug)))
I am so sorry that you got unsupportive responses from the WW site - I'm sure it was the last thing you needed. That's one of the great things about 3FC - everyone is so helpful and rarely judgmental.
In any event, I feel your pain, since I have walked in your shoes. No magic advice here, other than you really need to figure out what works for you - we are all different. What helped me this time was tracking my calories. I log every calorie I eat in fitday, and I think that has really kept me on the straight and narrow. Even if I have a day when I go over target, just having knowledge about what I've consumed and what the impact is on my overall goals is a powerful thing.
Texaspoet, I loved your question "Does this food have control over me?" I teach music in an elementary school, and sometimes play games where each student gets a rhythm stick. When I pass them out, invariably a lot of kids just start tapping and clicking away, which just drives me crazy! So I tell them something like "You're smarter than that stick. It doesn't have control over you. No matter how much it tells you to pick it up, just leave it there until we're ready to start." Of course they look at me like I'm nuts, but most of them laugh and then leave them on the floor and wait for directions about what they're SUPPOSED to do. But I never thought of applying that question to my food until I read your post.
Jayjay55, I'm still at the point of feeling envy when I read or hear of other people's success, but it's encouraging to see that you were able to move from envy to inspiration. Maybe I can do that, too.
The numbers were getting to me psychologically, like "how can I ever lose that much?" and "how did I ever get this heavy?", so I've modified my ticker to focus on only 5 pounds at a time (even 10 pounds at a time is too discouraging right now). I need to see quick success.
I know how you feel!! I think everyone who has a weight issue has been there and done that, hun!! Don't beat yourself up about it. Just keep looking for things that will work for YOU. For me, what I've been doing is saying this...I can't change what happened even one minute ago and beating myself up about isn't going to make it possible to change it. What I can do is work on this one day, one hour, one minute, one meal (learned that when I quit smoking). Somedays, I can't control it through even one meal. Most days I can and most days I can because I remember that all of I have to do is make it through this one meal for right now. Then the next. At first, this was so hard but now it gets easier and easier. Hopefully, soon it will be control of it for one day, then one week, one month, and so on. But I realize that this is part of my life and I truly want this to be a lifestyle change I'm living, so I'll just keep trying. And I figure if it took me eight times to quit smoking before I was successful, and more than a couple of days to learn to walk, then I can't expect it to take only one try to be good at living/eating healthy, now can I??!! Just keep on keeping on...each step is important...each step and attempt matters...You can do it....Look at all these other folks because they are no better or smarter than you and me and they've done it!!
I wish I had easy answers for you. I think everyone has to find what works for them where they are. What helped me after baby number 1 was no help after number 2. Here are somethings to consider:
Keep a journal of what triggers a binge. Defiant five years olds are my trigger.
Ask yourself before you eat something, "Will this make me feel better or worse?"
Just walk away...out the door, into the fresh air, where you are not near something that has triggered you.
Seek counseling. What hole are you filling with food? Happiness is not at the bottom of a bag of Combos.
set a short term goal at first. I remember two years ago I weighed 225 and I felt defeated. I first decided to set a goal of ten pounds. This seemed like something I could do. I was so happy when I did, then I set a goal of 10 again.
I used sparks people to keep my food total. I also went to the setting the captives free for a Bible study called the table which really helped me stay focused. Don't try to lose weight to please others, that never worked for me.
Try to lose weight to make yourself happy and to feel better.
most of all when you have a bad day, start over the next day. I used to allow a bad day to turn into months of bad days.
good luck and know most of us have been were you are and we do understand.
hugs and prayers,
betty
This chick is not in control...please help
