"I need you to deliver this," Abalone said, and dropped a small package in Shark Dad's flipper. With that, he hastily exited the room.
Shark Dad glanced down at the oddly-shaped package. A gift tag on the outside proclaimed it to be a Get Well gift for, strangely enough, his daughter! And it looked like the name in the "From" space was... Vinnie? Where had he heard that name before?
He whipped out his cell phone, hit speed dial, and spoke in to it as he hopped into his underwater car. "Ricardo?" He paused. "Yeah, everything's OK. The plan worked; Abalone is off our backs. But I've got a job for you..."
We need to find my daughter and deliver a package to her.....I just called the hospital and she is nowhere to be found? Can you check all the local seafood restaurants to see if she's hanging out somewhere? I have something very special for her....
"Stupid freakin' car!", Vinnie cursed as the starter sputtered for the sixth time. "Must be flooded", he said to no one in particular as he reached into his shirt pocket for a fresh cigar.
Vinnie got lost in his thoughts as he puffed to light the fake cuban. Yamagata sure reacted strangely to the pictures of his daughter-in-law with the shark. Vinnie didn't expect that at all. No sir-ee.
Strange that Yamagata closed the case. Vinnie drew in a deep puff. It really didn't matter. What did matter was that Yamagata paid in full. Yep, old man Yamagata had more money than God and he was good for his word. Finally Vinnie was able to do something he'd wanted to do for years.
Yes said Vinnie - I can now have that sex-change operation I've been wanting for years.
After years of frugality and good stock investments Vinnie was about to realize his life long dream. Those little black dresses and stiletto heels were so close he could almost taste them...and thanks to this last job for Yamagata he could now make that final appointment for his life altering surgery.
Just then his cell phone rang......he decided he should answer and he was so sorry he did when he heard Ricardo's voice on the other end.
I thought you were dead? exclaimed Vinnie!! Ya - that's what you're supposed to think, responded Ricardo....listen I got a job for you.....
Things were getting strange. But, Vinnie kept getting paid, and paid well, for taking care of these odd requests and that was all he cared about. So Ricardo's insane task seemed like it fit with the craziness of the day he was having.
He was thinking about that chubby librarian again. She was a cutie. Too bad she got mixed up with that crazy doctor son of Yamagata's. Plastic surgery was both a miracle and a curse. Vinnie hoped she would be okay. He even sent her a little something. He hoped she remembered who he was.
Ricardo's nasal voice cut his reverie short. "I got a package for you to deliver. You remember that librarian-chick? You know, the one where I pretended to be her old man?"
Vinnie bit down hard on his cigar with impatience. "Yeah, so what?"
"Well, the package is for her. You need to find her and deliver it. I'm busy with somethin' else..." Ricardo trailed off, unwilling to go in to details.
Vinnie sighed. This meant he'd have to wait to call his plastic surgeon until morning. Oh well, what was waiting one more day? "Yeah, OK, I'll do it," he sighed.
"Hey, thanks a million man. Oh gosh, look at this!" Vinnie could hear rustling in the background. "Looks like it's from a dude named Vinnie! Huh!"
Vinnie cursed silently at having to deal with such morons. "Just bring it to me," he barked.
Vinnie turned to get back in his car to meet up w/Ricardo to pick up that "special package"....when all of a sudden, WHACK!.....and down he went - someone was following him, watching him and certainly this was not a friend.
Poor Vinnie grabbed onto the side of his shiny blue corvette as he went down, down, down, but as he did he was able to catch a glimpse of his attacker.....which puzzled him. He pondered while everything went dark? Why is this happening? and I can believe it's........
Meanwhile on the moon of Uranus, Y'Zbif Kurzeff sat in the head dean's office at Universe University of Uranus. Kurzeff, a phD candidate at UUU, was completing his research project on 'The sociological effects of crossing incompatible species in semi-evolved civilizations'.
Like most grad students at UU, he chose the planet Earth as his test bed. He utilized a common human trait - greed, and some worthless ore from the bowels of Uranus - gold, to kick off the experiment.
Kurzeff was elated with the results so far. A little biological tinkering with human/shark DNA (done by an undergraduate) produced a whole subculture, complete with organized crime, romance, mystery and of course, more greed.
Dean Gazoontite shuffled in. "Nice work here Y'Zbif. Your degree is assured. I imagine you're also hoping for the Interstellar Award for Cleverness."
Kurzeff grinned. "It's not for me, it's for UUU."
Gazoontite sniffed. "So Y'Zbif. How are you going to finish this project?"
"Well," Kurzeff's grin melted into a thoughtful frown. "I'm not sure." He scratched his head with one purple tentacle. "I thought I might try giving Subject A everything she thinks she wants; you know, the makeover of her dreams?"
Gazoontite nodded slowly. "Yes, I see where you're going with this one. It would make for a very interesting study. I approve. You'd better watch out though. This one could make you famous throughout the whole quadrant!"
Meawhile, on Earth, Vinnie was collapsing onto the pavement. However, he did manage a glimpse of his attacker through rapidly closing tunnel-vision. He gave a strangled cry. "Tentacles??" he managed to croak out before the world went black.
Nearby, Li Yamagata and Don Crabione Abalone floated together in a sea of ecstacy. They planned on eloping to the Great Barrier Reef and setting up a bed and breakfast there, giving up on their former lives. "No part of organized crime can hold a candle to you," he murmured. Li blinked and nodded. Her marriage to Hikaru had been a farce anyway, set up by her domineering father, who at this very moment, was trying furiously, and vainly, to find the enterprising librarian, who had escaped the clutches of his evil band of ninjas.
Shark-Dad was also trying to find her. "I've got to apologize," he muttered to himself, "to try and set things right." He only wished his search weren't hampered by the fact that he was a shark in a man's world. He could only move under cover of darkness, and even then, legs would have helped a lot.
Hikaru Yamagata turned the key in his apartment's front door lock. He only had a few minutes to dress for the dinner party his wife was throwing this evening for her father's 65th birthday. Expecting a house blazing with lights and in a frenzy of activity, he was shocked to find it completely dark. "Where in the devil is everyone?" he wondered.
Meanwhile, the librarian, still groggy from her recent surgery and kidnapping, shuffled fearfully down a nameless city street. "Where in the devil am I?" she wondered. If only she could find her way home, she could go to bed and forget this entire day. Suddenly, she recognized her favorite coffee shop. She wasn't far from home! She started running, elated to be in familiar territory. She didn't stop until she reached her front door, and upon opening it, she collapsed on to her couch. "This has been the strangest day of my entire life," she thought, before sinking into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Vinnie started to come to. He blinked - and then the pain in his head took over and he closed his eyes again. There was darkness, then Vinnie was on a stage, dancing and twirling. The music was booming and the lights were bright -- he was dressed in his glittering outfit, kicking up his legs to the beat of the drums. The audience roared with approval. He threw a kiss. A beautiful woman in a red silk dress handed him roses. She looked familiar . . .
He opened his eyes -- the light was bright and his head was beating. Vinnie tried to move, but his hands seemed to be glued to the floor. He inhaled the fishy scent of the sea and realized that he was tied to the floor of a dock.
Shark-Dad bent over Vinnie. "It took me awhile to put it all together, Vinnie. I recognized the name on the package, but, you know, I must be getting older 'cuz it took me awhile to put this all together."
Vinnie gulped. It looked like the person talking to him was part man, part shark. He shut his eyes tightly, then opened them again. Yep, this, er, person, was part fish - and it was talking to him.
"Vinnie", Shark-Dad said inquiringly, "I need you to explain the meaning of this gift you are trying to give to my daughter."
Then Shark-Dad dangled the shiny ruby slippers in front of Vinnie.
"Those aren't for any fish woman", Vinnie said, squinting at the shiny shoes in the sunlight. "They're for this little lady I ran into downtown."
"A librarian." Shark-Dad was getting impatient.
"Yeah."
"And why are you giving shoes to a librarian?" Shark-Dad wondered why this two-bit flatfoot had anything to do with his daughter.
"Uh, you wouldn't get it. It's one of them things you had to be there to understand."
"Try me."
"You know the Wizard of Oz -- did they have that in your, um, neighborhood?"
Shark-Dad was silent.
"This little lady and I get to talking and somehow the conversation gets to bein' about our dreams. Ya know, who we'd like to be. She and I got some, well, some dreams in common." Vinnie paused. "So I see these shoes in some magic store on 10th Street and I think, hey, clicking the shoes together got Dorothy what she wanted, ya know, in the Wizard of Oz." Vinnie was getting scared. "So it's just a little something, ya know. A little something to get her to smile. It's not a bad thing. Just a little something."
"So you think they're just shoes?"
Fear was turning to frustration. Stupid fish-guy. "Yeah - they're shoes. What do you think they are?"
Morning dawned on the grey city. Already it was alive with a flurry of activity - people coming and going, loud motors growling, horns honking, piercing through the low, dull roar of daily life.
The front door of a particularly nondescript apartment slammed shut, bringing the librarian inside instantly awake. She groaned. She was SO sore. Sleeping the whole night on the couch didn't usually bring such agonizing stiffness. Maybe it was yesterday's craziness. The thought of what had transpired the day before made her groan again. She stretched, rubbing her eyes, the back of her neck, and then through her hair—her long, luxurious blonde hair???! She had gone to sleep with short, mousy brown hair. Tentatively, she ran her hands down her body. If she didn’t know better, she’d swear she had perfect 36, 24, 36 measurements!! And what was this she was wearing?? That stupid gown her Shark Dad had tried to give her, and down on her previously flat, size 11 feet were tiny, sparkling ruby slippers! There was only one thing to say in a situation like this…
"What?" Cried out the cast and crew members in one voice. "Whatssup?!"
The director shouted over his shoulder, as he strode hurriedly out to his waiting limousine. "Sorry, folks! We are way over budget and out of time! I've got a film in Italy to direct for big bucks! Ta-ta!" The director pressed a number on his cell phone and said, "Hey! Clint, ba-bee! We're doing a remake of 'Fistful of Dollars; can you make it?"
The Chubby Librarian began to cry as Sushi patted her shoulder. "Don't worry, there's always that Starkist Tuna commercial!"
The rest of the cast filed out of the film studio slowly, and closed the door.
