Ok, I'm going to stop procrastinating and confess. After 7 days of binge free, I fell off the wagon. This was on Wed. The thoughts started around 2:00pm. I knew I was going to be on my own for dinner, hubby would be home late. I had planned ahead and made chicken and brown rice so that I wouldn't have to cook, just reheat. I still started thinking about stopping by the store for ice cream or something else. But I still had will power at this point so went to the gym after work and made it home without a side detour.
Ok, so I think I'm doing ok but then I start the "hover" mode. Where I go to the fridge/freezer/pantry and just look at the food. Then I walk away and before I know it I'm back looking again. When I went to the baking cabinet (where I keep all the flour, sugar, baking chocolate, etc) I knew I was in trouble. Everything I have in the house is healthy, but with butter, sugar, eggs, and flour I could sure make something.
I think that was the point I knew I was going to give in and do it. I started pulling out canasters and then had one last spurt of will power and told myself that if I was giving in, I was going to do as little damage as possible. So I ended up eating an apple and pear cut up and sauted with butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, and honey. It wasn't completely what I wanted but it was enough to get me past this crazy obsession with eating something sweet and buttery.
So this was by far my best binge (can I say that) ever in that i controlled the calories into something reasonable. But all the behaviors surrounding it were just the same as if I had eaten 5 times as much.
I'm greatful for this forum to give me a chance to come clean. Just by taking the time to write it all out really helps me to focus on the bigger picture and not just on the food itself.
I had a great day yesterday and I'm planning on a great one today. Here is wishing you all the same.