Happy, maybe the below bit will let you see why I am interested in getting below the 72kg mark. 60 may be the goal, but I'll settle for a bit more.
Let me go back to when I was young and probably stupid. No lets be honest and upfront. I was a young mother with 2 kids, a cat, some birds, a husband, a business and a house with huge mortgages, no money and not much of a life.
Bear with me, I may get to the point sooner or later.
In those days we were broke but happy. After the birth of each child I went straight back to pre birth weight within 4 or 5 days. Then as now, good wholesome food was expensive and the not so good stuff cheaper. We ate lots of bread, lots of potatoes, sausages, the good old Sunday roast, mince etc. etc. My father had a big garden and kept us supplied with a lot of fresh veges too.
The new house was on the side of a hill and I walked everywhere and tried to clear the block as well. For example I would take the kids to swimming lessons. Bus over the hill, train to the pool, swim and then walk back to the bus. We couldn’t afford to train both ways. It was probably about 7 or 8 kilometres. I pushed the kids in their buggy - two of them, one 2 and the other 21 months younger. I was in shape. There wasn’t an ounce of fat anywhere. I weighed 54k. Money got tighter, I lost more weight and got to 47Kg. I was then too thin and got sick. I’ll never forget how bad I felt. The husband was useless in the kitchen, useless in the garden, and not much chop around the house. There was no way I could lie around feeling sorry for myself. I struggled on. Dr diagnosed malnutrition - huh?? To cut a long story short, the only way to make things better was to give up the evening job I had, find a full time job and help husband out with the business. Eventually I got back to 54kg where I stayed for the next 10 years or so.
All of the above occurred before I was 35. Since then we have moved to Australia, separated, the kids have grown into good solid citizens and I am a fairly successful self-employed, well travelled person. Unfortunately with the move and the prosperity came the weight. I went from 54 to nearly 80 (that’s what I was when my father passed away). Went to Townsville where it is exceedingly easy to gain weight because it is too hot to do much else apart from drink and eat in the summertime at least.
I got the weight down to 75kg and thanks to a gym membership from DS2 a couple of Christmas’ ago, it is now at around 72. I say around because it could be 71.5 or even 71 or it could be 73. Those fluctuations I live with. I have lost inches. I have achieved. I am happy about that. However.........
Now we are stalled again despite increased workouts. I begin to wonder whether I should stop putting pressure on myself. I wonder whether I should just learn to love myself at this weight. I know I am never going to be stick thin. I never was, so how can I change that. I know I am not going to ever be 54 again. I was aiming for 60 but right now this just seems to far away to comtemplate. I can feel the muscle there it is rock hard - just 2 inches of flab between the outside skin and the muscle. What do I have to do to get rid of it.
I’m beginning to believe that the tribal side of my genes has kicked in and I am destined to be short and square with short fat paddles for feet for the rest of my days.
There are days when the struggle seems to much, days when no achievement is possible. Days where it would be so nice to simply pull up the covers and tell the world to take a running jump (or words to that effect).
In the days where I was President of the local weight club, if someone said to me - how can I lose 10K in a hurry I would reply - chop off a leg. My dad has been dead 11 years now and I have lost just 8kg. Not even a kilo a year. Am I not trying hard enough?
I am healthy enough. No problems there - all the medical insurance places around town might not agree with me. I don’t get sick, rarely even get the common cold and since menopause have not had more than a day or two off work in 10 years. I count those blessings every morning.
Sure the inches have come off. Screeds of them - but even so I have only moved down 1 dress size. I must have been wearing clothes awfully tight previously - either that or the manufacturers have devalued the sizes again. A pox on all manufacturers.
Such a dilemma. What should I do? Get horribly hacked off and give up in disgust. Nope that’s not my nature. Just maintain as I am - after all I am a superb maintainer, I can do it with my eyes closed. Or carry on much as I am and wait for the miracle in which all becomes clear (or smaller in my case).
I’m off to ponder the questions of life. Just as I thought I began to know the answers to life’s questions, the b*stards have changed the questions.
Holly - so nice to hear that you have had a good family reunion. They can either be fun or a PIA.
I found a couple of places in Nova Scotia and Spain that should suffice for our use as both summer and winter homes. Thanks to cyber space, I can add an NZ backdrop and all the sun on snow or heat in winter we require. I'll work it out at home tonight.
Now I had better stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with doing some work for which I will get paid.