I'm hoping that by sticking this on a different thread that it won't muck up our conversational thread with CRAP. I'm also hoping that by putting this in writing that maybe it will STOP this distructive behavior I'm in the middle of. I don't expect anyone to read it, nor do I really want you to. We're supposed to be positive and this is NOT going to be positive.

2cute wrote to find out what was the matter, so thank you. Maybe it will drive me back on track.

I've just been in such a funk lately. Beating myself up about my FAT. Being sooooo sick of it, but not willing to do anything to fix it because it will take too long. So instead I'm just grabbing and eating anything and everything I want to eat and the cycle goes on. Then I look in the mirror and get really pissed at myself and then go out and have a donut!

I've gone up just shy of 3 pounds in two weeks. I can't stand myself anymore. Just want to curl up in bed and sleep. Unfortuneately, I ache all over when I lay in bed too much. Can't win! I want INSTANT results. A couple of pounds a week just isn't going to make me happy right now.

I'm back to needing the next size larger clothes. I hurt all the time and just don't see an end in sight.

The flip side is I know my plan works. I've done so well on it in the past. Unfortuneately, "the past" was 6 years ago. Ohhh how it hurts to say that. To admit that it's been 6 years since I made a diligent effort to lose this weight.

I had been down 85 pounds from my high weight when I fell off the wagon, now here I am only down 15 from that top weight and still climbing. What will it take. Am I trying to see how big I can get? Am I testing Honey to see just how big I can get before he doesn't want me anymore? WOW, that was tough, but it has crossed my mind. What the heck am I doing?

My knees have been really bothering me, so of course, the "evil machine" has been left alone. I just don't understand how I could walk for hours and hours at Shipshewana and then come home and hurt so bad and when I'm doing my jobs I ache and am so out of breathe. I'm so sick of myself.

I need to turn this around. But my gosh, it takes forever! A couple of pounds a week is nice, but when I'm this overwhelmed with pounds, a couple a week just doesn't do my mind any good.

Well, now that I have purged all this negative, maybe life can go on. Any of you who read this.....I don't know whether to hug you or holler at you for not following directions. Please don't let my junk bring you down. That's why I put this over here instead of where we all go all the time.

Also, I want you to know that I am fine. I have no thoughts of doing myself in (in case you're worried). I'm not in a state of depression, just a funk. Again, if you did decide to read (when I told you not to), I love you. Be good to yourself. You deserve every good thing that comes along in life. I will try to remember those words for myself and work very hard on getting out of this state of mind.

LOL first of all, telling me not to read this was like telling me not to have chocolate ice cream after lunch. Please.

I have to say, though, I have been there many many many times before. I know that it is hard. But, that's why you are here, isn't it? To get support to help you through this time?

A couple of pounds a week doesn't sound like much, but it really adds up. This is the way I look at it:

This time next year will come and go, no matter what, so I have two choices: I can continue the way that I am eating and be god knows how heavy by then, OR, I can eat right and excersize and be thin enough to be healthy. Someone on this website has a quote under their name that has inspired me: If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.

Please continue to post here, good or bad. We all love you.

Okay, Thin, I'm with Samantha. Telling us not to read that post is like telling me not to eat the cookie dough when I'm making cookies! Of course that kind of a title will catch my eye and cause my nosy nose to stick in where it maybe shouldn't be. Can get myself into an awful lot of trouble that way.

I want you to know that no matter how funky you feel, you can do this! You (and everyone else for that matter) have been such an inspiration and help to me. When I first found you guys, I was so completely disgusted with myself (sound familiar?!). Now, I know that no matter what, I am beautiful. Now my goal is to be healthier - emotionally and physically.

You've been there for everyone else for so long, letting others "lean" on you. Now let us be there for you, and you lean on us! We all have given and gotten at one point here. That's why we're all here, after all.

Sounds like your like me, wanting instant gratification. Just hang in there, sweetie. Persevere and you will achieve what you want. You've done it before, you can do it again! With the love and support you'll find here, I have faith in you, and everyone!

some tough love for you TT....

Take some pride in yourself and make the decision ONCE to commit to a healthy lifestyle. Don't settle for self pity to invade that decision. You have to decide you are worth being healthy and happy. No one else can make that step for you. This himming and hawing BS needs to end.

Is a damn donut that compelling that you would sacrifice you life for it? I say **** NO!! You have had a lifetime of eatting empty calories...and look where it has gotten you.... hating yourself! Well screw that! Don't give some damn junk food that much power. You are killing yourself. All the junk will only bring about depression, self hatred, joint issues, cardiovascular disease, diabetes...shall I continue? You are heading for an early grave if you don't change....

Look at food as fuel...look at exercise as a way to reverse the damage you have inflicted on your body. Don't give me the excuse your knees hurt too much to move. I am in the health profession and there are several non weigh bearing exercises you can do....so knee pain is not an excuse. At least you have knees....you have limbs that allow you to move and stand as a strong woman.

The choice is yours...sit/lay around and feel sorry for yourself and contiue to gain weight....or get off your *** and do something about it! And your instant gratification argument is for copping out on this assenine and childish! Get your weight moving in the right direction and you will reap the benefits and be that much further to good health. We all got ourselves in this situation...so I for one am taking responsibility to get myself out of it, no matter how long it takes. You have the tools to do this...you want to do it and I for one believe you will do it. Have high expectations of yourself as you embark on a healthy lifestlye.

Now show me something....

Thin ---
First off ...... BIG HUGS to you!!! Secondly a bonk on the head You know darn well that I am going to read a post like that!!! We are all loving, caring and supportive ..... but also nosy and curious!

How did you feel after your post? Did anything hit you, did a light bulb go off?? You know what to do! DO IT!!! (I need to listen to myself as well). You also know it's not going to happen over night. A pound or two pounds a week adds up. Think about how fast the past year, two years, three years have flown by. Now just think if you had lost 1-2 pounds a week for the past year. That's 52-104 pounds!!!! Don't overwhelm yourself. Take one meal, one snack, one step at a time! I know you have a new torture device (emm...pilates machine) in your house. Figure out a few exercises you can do on it that don't hurt and get on it. You know there are things you can do!

I know what the "funk" feels like. I've been in and out of it a LOT the past year!!! We are all here to support you through the good and the bad, happy and sad! We can hug, laugh, cry, yell, whatever you need!

Now, put down the donut and figure out a plan!
Love ya chickie!!!
Barb

Okay, Thin...you've pulled me out of hiding. Feeling the funk. Again. Failing to lose one measly pound this week. Having absolutely no one to blame but myself. And then something you wrote just struck me.

So you'll settle for a couple of pounds ON instead?

Yes, it SUCKS that it takes such hard work to take off one stinkin' rotten pound and that one big meal can pack it back on again. But what's the alternative? Just keep eating til we explode?

No.

Back to work. Every single one of us knows what to do. It's time to do it. If we had to do this to save a child, a husband, a signigicant other, a family member, or a dear friend, we would do it in a minute, without hesitation. It would be hard and take sacrifices and determination, but I KNOW that we would do it for them because we love them. It's time for us to love ourselves as much as we love them.

All the excuses in the world do not matter. "I had a bad day." "I had a fight with my husband/kid/boss/mother/mailman/whatever." "I'm sad." "I'm premenstrual/menopausal." "I'm pissed off..."

WHATEVER THE EXCUSE IS, EATING WILL NOT MAKE IT BETTER. IT MAKES US FATTER.

Thanks for the wake up call, Thin. I hope that your rant helped you to refocus your energies on what you need to do. It did for me.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Thin,

I've thought so many thoughts since reading your post. It was wonderful. It was Eff'ing real with yourself. About damn time somebody got real.

The hug part is that I care about you so much and hate to see you backsliding and in the funk.

In case anybody wonders why I do the challenges and when I keep coming back many times with the pep talks....when many times I have thought to walk away because I seem to be alone in the pep talks.....is because I want every one here to be successful in their goals. And to maybe stop hating how they look or hating themselves for what they perceive as their biggest failure in life.

You're not alone in anything you've said.

You have to get sick enough, tired enough, Eff'ing pissed off enough to say..... I'm not doing this anymore. I don't care how long this takes to come off but its coming off. Your body hurts. You huff and puff. You don't feel good. Just how low do you have to sink before you get mad enough to do something about it?

How many times have we, and I use a collective we, post how we've eaten badly, how we've not exercised, and everyone goes....its okay. Well guess what. It really ISN'T OKAY. That just means that we let life be more important than what we HAVE to do for our health. Every time we do that, we are not requiring enough for and of ourselves. We should be asking what that person is planning to do to overcome the over eating next time not being co-dependents. Would we tell an alcoholic that its okay that they had a drink? I don't think so.

I'm not a saint because I do it to myself too so maybe this a$$ chewing is for me too. And I need some help from this group too. I need inspiration. I need motivation some days too. And that has been really lacking. Do we care enough to tell our FRIEND that enough is enough....get off you butt, put the damn food down and do what you have, and know to do? Lately, we're not the best at that.

We all want instant results. But we're not going to get them. And we're not going to get results from fad diets, pills, or anything that doesn't teach us to modify our lifestyles. And it takes freakin' hard work. We're willing to work hard for others, work hard at our jobs but not willing to work hard for our bodies. It takes determination. It takes picking yourself up off the floor, saying that the behavior is NOT OKAY and doing something about it. Time and time until you get healthy and feel great physically. No one cares if you get down to 130 pounds. I won't ever see that number and don't even think about it. But to be down to a physically fit under 200 is realistic for me. What is realistic for you?

I would highly encourage you to sit down and really address WHY you don't want to change your health. As Dr. P would say, you're getting some kind of payoff. And make a plan for just a day at a time. And know that if you keep living that daily plan, you will one day see results. That instant that you see changes in your body....that is instant gratification.

Oh yeah, and not hanging out with this group and not posting, doesn't help. It doesn't help you and it doesn't help anyone else in the group who needs help too. And Kat...this goes for you too.

Anyone who is in a funk, don't run away. Be honest with yourself and be honest with the group and tell us what you're going do to get out. Or tell us what you need from us, as friends, to help get your a$$ out of the funk.

If this makes anyone upset or angry, send me a PM.

First off, as a person who has been fighting lifelong depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and self hate, saying "do not read, do not listen, do not ..." is a cry of "please somebody read, somebody listen, somebody help..." But I am not here to talk about why we say we don't want help when we really need it. I am here to talk about why we keep doing what we do to ourselves. I wish it were as easy as saying "don't do this." But Thin, I know what it is like to hate how you look, hate everything about yourself: the fat, how you feel, not being able to breathe, aching from being in bed too long, or just sitting. And then what do we do, we try diet after diet, and it doesn't work fast enough.

I want to see a difference right away myself. I have dieted and gained weight, talk about your reason to eat real again. If eating healthy isn't doing me any good why bother? One donut isn't going to make a difference, one soda won't affect me, just one. But just one adds up over time. And when we are alone, and these thoughts are going through our heads, it is not easy to say, "I don't need that." or just a simple "no." The self hate is so bad that your hope is gone and the thought is "what's the point?" I may not love myself, but I can love that food, it makes me feel good, it makes me happy for a moment, it comforts me like I need to be comforted and loved.

But it doesn't love me. That is the problem, it is only temporary. Then I hate myself more for letting myself be decieved by it's promise of satifaction and comfort once again. Food is like heroin or alcohol, it's addictive, and destructive if you can't control it. Which is why just one doesn't work for me. Once you've tasted that sweetness, your body remembers and craves more.

Yet nothing will change, not for me, not for you, not for anyone, unless we take those first steps and love ourselves. I'm not sure but I think it was Kat who said something to the effect of that if we love our family enough that we could do if for them. But can we really love someone if we really don't love ourselves. Because if we don't love ourselves enough to take care of ourselves to be there for them, then we can't truly love them. We can't give enough of ourselves for them. (got that from my dad)

We need to make changes, we need to take charge. And I agree that we can't say "it's okay" when one of us screws up. We need to say, "I love you, and I know how hard it is to stay on track, but you need to stay focused." We need to say our daily affirmations. We need to wake up and want to eat well. We need to exercise; we need to live life like we are suppose to.
We need to "Eat to live, not live to eat."

This is a wake up call for all of us. We are not perfect, we are human. I have learned after a lifetime to recognize my destructive behavior, and I am now just learning how to control it. It is not easy, maybe it never will be. But it is something that must be done. We are the best people we can be. All special, all unique, and we bring so much to others in this world. We are all connected. We don't know how much we affect the lives of others, even those that we just see on the street. But we are all here for a reason, so we need to make sure that we are here to touch someone everyday.

Ok, well that was my rambling for the morning. Gee that felt good. I feel better. How bout ya'll? Ya'll feeling better now that we are getting this negativity out of our system? Ranting is a good system cleanser. Here is a prayer I say on a daily basis, usually in the shower and it has helped me to be conscious of what I am doing sometimes. I don't get as angry when I am driving and I don't get as teed off at people at work as easily.

"Dear Mother & Father God,
Surround me with the White Light of the Holy Spirit.
A Gold Light of God Centeredness.
A Purple Light of Spirituality.
And a Silver Light of Higher Consciousness.
Cement my intellect to my emotion.
Release all negativity from within.
And prevent all negativity from entering.
These things I ask in your name.
Amen."

Bless you all, you are lights in my life.
Skittles

Well, I gotta say....Your guys' post really motivated me. For the last couple of days, I have always had an excuse to not do my walking. I was like "I didn't get enough sleep last night", or "it's too hot outside". Maybe even "my friend cancelled on me and I don't want to walk by myself". Today I had it all planned out. My excuse was going to be "I stayed out too late last night". Then, I got on and read ya'lls posts. I decided to stop making excuses and get out there and DO IT!!!!!!! I decided that every morning I am going to get on here and read those, just to make sure that I am not making excuses for myself.
Sam

undefinedundefinedEvery day I make excuses, or say I'll start tomorrow. I absolutely agree with everyone response. I am going to return to this tread sooooo many mornings for a big ole' kick in the a_ _. Thank you everyone

Hang in tthere to everyone who is going thru a funk and too all that know what it is like.

It's Monday!

Time to snap out of it and start again! We've done our venting and our whining and made our vows and resolutions...

TIME TO PUT YOUR WORDS TO WORK!

I don't care what kind of plan you are on, but it should include the following:

At least 5 fruits and veggies per day, if not more! Not hard when you consider that 1/2 cup of a veggie, or one piece of fruit is a serving.

At least 8 eight oz. glasses of water a day! I have read that whatever your weight is, divide that in half and drink that number of ounces a day! (and keep a clear path to the bathroom!)

Have some kind of protein with each meal. This helps to rev the metabolism and will keep you fuller, longer.

Increase your activity level. MOVE THAT BODY!

Any more suggestions?

How about this? Instead of posting what we've done WRONG, let's turn that into posting about WHAT WE'VE DONE RIGHT.

With that in mind, I'm going to start a thread where we can brag about the good stuff we're doing to improve our lives...Let's put more time in over there!!!

Kat, where did you put the new thread????