My food issues. What keeps pissing me off is 1) in my heart of hearts I know what is right and what it takes for me to get well (I KNOW WHAT ABSTINENCE FEELS LIKE!!!!!!) 2) I am back doing more Step 1 work since I can't seem to go into action mode 3) I find my food issues so freaking embarrasing I don't want to tell anyone. Basically my truth is I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to stomp my feet like a little girl and say, "Everyone else gets ice cream why can't I have ice cream!" Everytime I have it I feel half insane and the demons are louder, and the other night when my DH wanted to talk about the state of the toliet, "I just don't want to talk about that" I want to be thin with none of the work, I want a relationship with God with none of the work, I want to just be perfect and the best with none of the work. You know what a dear program friend said to this, "If nothing changes, nothing changes" Plus I have had all these old memories flooding back and if I pay any attention to them my disease tells me the lie that I can't cope There is hope because I know there is. It is up to me to do the foot work to get it, and get healthy. Writing and supporting you all helps me so much. Last night was one of the best nights I have had with the food in a while and it was rereading what I wrote about WLS. My words ring so true to myself. Going back through all the Step work I have done, its true, its all true. Tonight its Chapter 5 of the Big Book. Baby steps, us addicts think we can change our whole lives in a day, and its just not true. For every day I indulge in the disease I need 30 days to pull myself out another friend told me. The back to basics without the promises, the failure, or the blame. I am a food addict, this is what I do, and this is where I am today.
Tracy- Food is a ODAT thing. Just think of the connections we forge with our children when we concentrate on them and not the food
Michelle- Your foraging your own path. Your taking alot of steps in a short period of time. Go gently and know that you are a loved daughter of God.
Jenelle- I am just a wee bit jealous of your lazy day. Post on body image.I am slow learner, continue to pound away Your another one who tends to nurture when you need to talk so don't forget you can too
Christy- Its okay to be jealous. In fact all of our sick wishes our okay as long as we aren't acting on them. The acceptance of things and then pushing on to the next right thing. I wrote out of my turtle shell I love and miss you when you don't post.
Skippy- Quit hiding
Chris