Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew.
Saint Francis de Sales

So I think you gals have gotten the gist. I have struggled. I also have found new strength, love, and determination.

This is my program of living ODAT:
Abstinence-No bingeing, no purging, 6 small meals a day with nothing in between
Food Plan- All foods allowed except my personal triggers (ice cream, take-out, fried food, etc. You gals get the idea)
Excercise- A loving thing that lasts no longer than 60 minutes, 4 days a week I am going to try lifting again. And of course 2 days of Yoga.
Meetings- At a minumum 2 a week
One phone call a day
Step work for 10 min a day
25 point gratitude list
Prayer and daily meditation before bed

So what you think? Am I putting too much on myself? I havetried to make these things small and loving choices.

Here is todays gratitude list:
1. I am thankful for the wat God works in my life
2. I am thankfor for my family
3. I am thankful for my job
4. I am thankful for the dear people who reach out and touch my life daily
5. I am thankful for a full heart
6. I am thankful for the ability to love
7. I am thankful for medications that make chemical imbalances liveable
8. I am thankful to be Chris
9. I am thankful for dreams
10. I am thankful for tears
11. I am thankful that I am not alone
12. I am thankful for knowledge and inspiration
13. I am thankful for music
14. I am thankful for books
15. I am thankful for my car
16. I am thankful for quiet time
17. I am thankful for new days
18. I am thankful for starry nights
19. I am thankful for words and the ability to write and read them
20. I am thankful for teachers
21. I am thankful for recovery
22. I am thankful for program
23. I am thankful for questions
24. I am thankful that I have talents
25. I am thankful for everything.

I love ya'll!
Chris

Chris - I think your steps are all just the right size! Just remember, though - ODAT!

Morning girls! Its almost my bedtime.

I did it. I went to the gym. I thought at first I might just cry, and you should have heard the 8 million excuses before I got there. Everything from "you'll get obsessed" to "I can't find my good lifting gloves, I shouldn't go". I wrote some of my feelings out and got off my booty and went. And I tell you it's alot easier this time to not walk in totally defeated weighing close to my highest weight ever. So wherever you are today, if I can go to the gym I am sure there is one thing that your having fear about that you can get over.

Fear= False evidence appearing real
Fear= Face everything and recover

Now I am going to face this day as it comes one minute at a time. But if I expect to go back to the gym Wednesday I have to work on my nutrition. This purging/starving myself crap has got to stop if I want my muscles back. Plus I think it would just make me happier and less obsessive anyway.

Gratitude List? When I log on this afternoon or evening. I owe you gals it. Love yourselves your totally worth it!


Chris

Ah, Chris, good for you. I think those are very loving goals. I had a good night last night, while writing letters to HP in my journal. I haven't kept up my journal in so long, because it was so depressing, but writing to God adds such a healing dimension to it, and acknowledges that things can only get better with His help. I'm still in the Step 1/2 phase of this journey. I went to bed praying and imagining that Christ held me while I slept, and felt completely at peace. Now if I can keep that feeling and that connection with Him, anything seems possible.

Love to each of you!

Chris Good for you!!!! I'm so happy that you made it to the gym! That was a giant step

I've already been seeing today if I can cut out just one meal so I atleast show that I maintained at my doctors appt. tomorrow. I haven't lost a single pound this last month and I've been boucing between 217 and 221 the whole time, and when I see the higher number I want to say screw it and binge and then when I see the lower number I feel so on track, ughhhh Who ever thought getting healthy was easy lol.

I went and looked at a Maltese puppy yesterday and hubby is going to let me get one!! Of course my pup isn't born yet but sometime soon!! Anyway, I thought I would share that with you all!

I hope that you all had a wonderful weekend. Lets make today a great one as well!
Love to all!
Michelle

Michele - Eat that meal.

Chris - I am the queen of excuses, too! My favorite thing is to wait until 9:15 (my gym closes at 10:00 and it takes me about ten minutes to get there and get in) so that I can say, "Op - too late!" The other day, I finally threw that excuse away when I went to the gym at 9:40 and still got in 20 minutes of cardio.

Chris -- I think your goals are lovely, but the most important thing is what *you* think of them! Congrats on getting to the gym. (I haven't been since we got back from the beach!)

Tracey -- I like your good night thoughts! I need to get back into the habit of journaling. All of mine were "letters to God" as you say and I really miss that.

Michelle -- I soooo could have written your post! Hang in there and good luck at your dr. visit tomorrow.

Jennelle -- Have I already asked you when you start back to work? I checked the calendar today and I have 3 weeks left. Tomorrow is a work day for lead teachers so I'll get a professional day out of the way. Woo-Hoo!

Well, the laundry calls and this thing is probably ready to quit on me anyway!

Have a wonderful day!
Christy

Christy - This is my last week of freedom, and it's not actually a complete week. Tomorrow, I am attending a workshop on setting student goals using test results. My principal picked me to go, so I said yes. After I thought about it for a while, I think I've actually already attended this workshop when I worked for my old district! On Thursday, I'm going to a seminar on hard-to-handle children. I've been to plenty of those, but it never hurts to get more tips! Monday is my first day back at work. Students start that Thursday. I'm excited, but apprehensive, just like every year!

1. Thank God for humor
2. I am thankful for God (see No. 1)
3. I am thankful for my beautiful son
4. I am thankful for my job
5. I am thankful for this day just as it comes
6. I am thankful for dear sweet friends
7. I am thankful for music
8. I am thankful for my therapist (never tell her though!)
9. I am thankful for the internet
10. I am thankful for telephones
11. I am thankful for feelings
12. I am thankful I can read and write
13. I am thankful for the good times
14. I am grateful for the bad
15. I am grateful for the wonderful men I work with
16. I am grateful for arms to hug with
17. I am grateful for lips to kiss (there are more fun body parts to be grateful for )
18. I am grateful for fresh, healthy, loving food
19. I am grateful for life lessons
20. I am grateful for my car
21. I am grateful for my degrees
22. I am grateful for colours
23. I am grateful for books and authors
24. I am grateful for movies
25. I am grateful for Hollywood Video

Phew just before midnight!
Chris

Just checking in...I've noticed over the past few days that my choice of food hasn't been the greatest. I haven't been bingeing (thank God!), but I've kind of picked up that slippery slope habit of sweets. Now, I am very thankful that it hasn't degenerated into a full-blown pigfest, but I am also smart enough to realize that I am definitely playing Russian roulette here. So, it needs to stop. That's my committment for right now.

I have been exercising, but I'm sort of caught in that same "what if I obsess?" thing that Chris was talking about earlier. Right now, I've just been jotting down in my journal if I exercise, and a very generic description of what I did. I've started lifting again, but I am scared to death to actually keep track of weights and reps. I'm so worried that it's going to degenerate into that stinking thinking of not even bothering to exercise if I can't have at least 1 1/2 uninterrupted hours at the gym every day. So, I guess it's just gonna be baby steps for a while.

Jenelle-

Baby steps are what it takes. My food has been cleaning, but I am absolutely refusing to tell anyone what I eat. I just can't deal with judgement right now. My own head is loud enough.

I got 2 packages off in the mail for you yesterday girlie. So look out!

I will try to get a gratitude list in at 0300 this morning. Its my down time and I am usually a little moony for some reason anyway.

I love you gals. I love Jenelle!
Chris

Mornin' girls!

Chris -- Gotta love your gratitude lists! Especially how flushy toilets end up on so many of them. Tee-hee. I am exactly the same way, but I would add to that my clean bathrooms at home. Public restrooms freak me out!

Jennelle -- Glad to see that you've noticed your slippery slope before you started a freefall down it! Do you think the impending school year has you a bit wound up and driving you toward the sweets?

I had to spend part of the day at meetings for school yesterday. Then I got all signed up for the next class in my Master's program. I fought with myself a little because in my last class I ended up with an A- and the professor didn't raise my grade as he said he was going to do for some people in the class...long story. My little perfectionist demon was telling me for awhile that an A- wasn't good enough, so and so got an A, blah blah blah. But I told that little voice to @#$^ off and got over it relatively quick. Yay me!

Food and exercise...hmmm. I've figured out that writing down my food has become a tool of obssession for me and not doing it makes me feel somewhat *normal*. So for now, I have stopped and I'm just trying to be very sensible and helathy with what I eat. Plenty of fruits and veggies, small meals with good snacks in between. I haven't been exercising because I've been telling myself that all I really want to do is walk right now and what good is that going to do anyway? For my sense of well-being, I need to allow myself to enjoy a good long walk and get over the fact that I'm not lifting or doing intense cardio. So, we've got some baby steps going on over here, too! LOL

Well, I'm off for now. My sister is coming over and we're going to spend the day scrapbooking. Y'all have a great day!

Love and hugs,
Christy

Morning! As soon as I get out of bed my favourite words, "Mom the microwave doesn't work". I love how I am just suppose to take care of this stuff. And I wonder what the boys were doing in it last. I bought this microwave less than 6 months ago after the roll that required 4 minutes to burn inside the last one. I suppose that I should be grateful this morning that kids eventually turn 18.

Christy- do what feels right for you. For me its a two-fold process. Portion control without eating my triggers. So how was scrapbooking today? I have a crap load of pictures in boxes if you ever feel the need. I just don't want a collage of all the many sizes of Chris

Jenelle- How are you doing today girlie?

Todays Gratitude List:
1. I am grateful there is a God, and He works in my life even when I don't feel like listening
2. I am grateful for my family such as it is (Dusty didn't get paid again today )
3. I am grateful for dear friends and all the loved one in my life
4. I am so grateful for flushy toliets
5. I am grateful to be 4 days without purging today
6. I am grateful for hot showers
7. I am grateful for good make-ups
8. I a grateful for my car
8. I am grateful for Olay cleansing cloths
9. I am grateful for my body
10. I am grateful for my job
11. I am grateful that I have the day off
12. I am grateful for sleep
13. I am grateful for books and authors
14. I am grateful for mood stabilizing meds
15. I am grateful for smiles
16. I am grateful for my guys at work, I am truly blessed with a group that loves me
17. I am grateful for pictures
18. I am grateful for memories
19. I am grateful for science
20. I am grateful for math and physics
21. I am grateful for music
22. I am grateful for inspiring women/men
23. I am grateful for program
24. I am grateful for my literature
25. I am grateful for waterproof mascara

So where is everyone?
Love,
Chris

Chris, I'm glad you're grateful for math and physics...they were my two worst subjects in school! Actually, math was. I didn't even take physics. Anyhow, I'm doing very well today. Thanks for asking!

Physics is so easy once you take calculus Its that algebra stuff that makes it hard.

Chris