Quote:
Originally Posted by Deana509
So, I have to vent.... I went to see my grandparents (and parents) for the first time since I was home for my best friends wedding, over a month ago... I've not changed THAT drastically since then, but NOW they are making a huge deal about it... Im fine with my Grandma making comments, because she has been my support since the start, and has always been there for me... BUT when my grandpa starts making comments about my weight, good OR bad, I get super uncomfortable....
I guess I've still not come to terms with how large I actually was, and I'm not comfortable talking about my body yet... Strange how its easier to talk to a complete stranger about how much weight I lost, but I can't even talk to my own dad about how I feel...
the fact that I have lost this much weight, and still continue to do so....
Sorry this is so long... It's just something that has been weighing on my chest, and I don't want it so show up on the scale (Haha, Just Kidding)
Deanna--- first of all You are an amazing young woman who has made an incredible positive change to your life. Those TWO things ...with out getting in the weeds any more than that... can incite jealousy!!
(Being
young and making
positive change!)
Sooo..do not let anyone else try to bring your success to a level playing field with what ever is going on in their world!!
Somersault .... ALL THE way to the finish line girlfriend!!!!
Now that being said...another poster referred to the body image and acceptance thing most of us deal with. That is called body dysmorphia. This is actually a fear, preoccupation or inability to see reality in one's own body, either overall or a preoccupation focused on a particular feature.
From personal experience and lots of reading, my take is this thing works both ways for those with a weight /body dysmorphia...for both the obese as well as the POWs (Previously Over Weight):
1)Not acknowledging our largess...and then when we do lose...
2)Not being comfortable with the change...as well as the change it invokes in others.
The way you feel...
Take the not accepting or being totally aware with how big you were, and make that a real positive...if you are EVER comfortable with that again...you are be headed for trouble. Be grateful the thought and pictures of the past make you cringe. That is NOT AT ALL BAD!!! Make it work for you...forever. You own it...so USE IT to your advantage!
Now moving on...
The way others make you feel.
There are lots of discussions about this. The only thing that matters is how you feel. End of story. Not anyone else. And that goes for now and tomorrow. I advocate not discussing your weight loss with 99% of people in your life...and that includes family sometimes ...sadly... most of the time. Strangers CAN be more understanding, less hurtful......(or the anonymity makes it easier for you to be honest..) You know their ways (family) better than anyone...so decision making on who to bring on the ride early on is better...but if you change your mind...remember...this is your journey. Not anyone else's. Open the door and throw them out of the car... (gently of course in some cases)...If it's a stranger they deserve a brush-burn as you move away....
It is time to start to shut these convos down when they start...or now that you have some tangible situations to refer to...it may work to do it in a non threatening way at a time you are in control. Sure, it can be done when you are vulnerable...but perhaps in this case, better if you feel in control.
You need to say something like..."You know...My weight loss seems to have some people preoccupied .... (Yep...they have body dysmorphia about you...go figure!!!)...I just want to say these discussions have me extremely uncomfortable and I have decided not to discuss it with anyone any more...so please don't be offended if when you mention it...I am going to change the subject. Love you to death...but this is a painful and difficult journey...and it is
very personal. So I'm not going to stay in the room or participate in any more convos that make me uncomfortable. If you love me...you will let this go....and just be happy for me."
Even though they are older...they should get this. They obviously love you a lot from your previous posts. You could do this with your Gram alone even......and ask her to handle Gramps .... maybe....???
As for others...
no one has the right to make you feel bad or uncomfortable. That is rude, esp if you state they are making you uncomfortable...Change the subject after telling them the topic makes you uncomfortable, and you are no longer sharing your journey. Don't go into an explanation...1 or 2 short sentences should do it nicely. Remember, you are NOT BEING THE RUDE ONE.... Keep your voice soft...and don't smile too much when you say it. Have something ready to talk about at all social events. A backup general topic, simmering on the back burner...always be ready to switch to that other "thing". Weather, sports, local town/church event or the gorgeous table setting, flowers, yard furniture or new car someone ELSE just got!
You will do fine with this Deanna...but advice for the future is your weight is probably something to keep under wraps. As the pounds pile up...it is not bad to be horrified...embarrassed...and really not want to go there with others. You get to drive this car! And congrats on your progress...you look wonderful...and there is a big wonderful world waiting for you!!
Wish I was your age!!!
kathie