I work in a city, and yes this does happen. I know it happens and I'm not imagining it because I've heard people talking about those that are on the larger side. Some of the people I work with have actually said things to their face, "Go on a diet..." or "You need to lay off the brownies." These are towards women that are larger than myself, but for some reason I don't get that same treatment. Probably because they know I couldn't handle it.

That being said, some part of you may be using this as justification to give up. If you believe that it's wrong for people to only like you for the way you look, it would be a natural consequence to want to sabotage that - the inner rebel dying to make a stand against the shallowness of others. But, when you think about it...you're shallow, too, because you WANT to look good. So what? Go ahead and be "shallow". And let them be shallow. It may hurt, but that's ok. You can hurt sometimes. We're all on a different path going to the same place, and that place IS a healthy, trim body with a healthy, happy active mind, and a generous heaping of opinions and standards. Some of us can have a little more tact, and others...well...put them in their place.

I've been blonde all (most) of my life with the exception of a few times that I tried to go purple or red. On the recommendation of a friend who recommended that I go brunette so that my green eyes stand out more I colored my hair darkish brown. That year was the worst! I never felt more invisible in my life! Once I went back to blonde I immediately got the whoosh of compliments that had been silenced by the brown hair. In my experience blondes truly do have more fun. But maybe it's because my skin color didn't work with the hair color, I doubt this is true for all brunettes lol.

Over the years I've come up with lots of justifications for giving up, not just this one lol. It does bug me that I hate being judged for how I look and yet I want to look better. It's hard to reconcile those 2 opposite feelings. I hate the judgement people place on women's look yet at the same time I wish I could fit the ideal beauty. It's nuts.

It can be irritating to be judged on our appearance, but we can't control what other people think. What's the sense in worrying about it? If your colleagues and fellow NYers choose to view others through a lens of ignorance and arrogance, that's their problem. And you never know, some of them might be more accepting than you think. Is the only reason you want to look "better" because you think people will be more accepting of you? 'Cause that doesn't sound like a very healthy motivation. OTOH, if you want to lose weight to attain things that you have more control over (e.g., clothing selection, personal satisfaction when you look in the mirror, moving closer to your vision of ideal beauty in a safe and sane manner while realizing that no human being can actually achieve that type of perfection (and anyone who did would still grow old and die, anyway)), that sounds healthier. I think the feelings you're describing are only really oppositional if other people's opinions (real or imagined) are the primary reason you want to lose weight.

I've known several quite heavy people whose opinions and participation are valued at work and/or in their social circles. Given, most of them lived in places with higher obesity rates and less neurotic (although not necessarily less dysfunctional! ) attitudes about the human body than are apparently present in NYC. I don't know what these folks' feelings about their weight were. I know some of them tried to lose (with varying levels of success), while others seemed pretty content. In general, they were hard workers who spoke up when they had contributions to make, let their personalities show, and didn't put up with poor treatment at the hands of colleagues, "friends," or random jerks.

Personally, I've felt ignored because of my weight many times, although it seems to happen much less often now than it did when I was in my early 20s and at a lower weight. In fact, for the past few years I have hardly ever felt like I've been ignored or put down because of my weight (or for any other reason). Learning not to doubt my worth as a human being and becoming more comfortable and confident in who I am has been tremendously helpful. Learning not to get hung up on the actions of others and having a sane and functional work environment has been helpful, too.


On an unrelated note, I'm not sure that fat guys have it too much easier than fat women. Some guys really seem not to give a flip and live in environments where their weight isn't a social or economic handicap, but my impression is that a lot of overweight/obese men and boys do have negative experiences and feelings related to their weight.