Hi All,
This is my first foray into the 40's forum. I turned 40 in March.
I wanted to see if other women my age and size find dating to be a self-esteem crushing endeavor. Mind you, when I got divorced about 2 years ago, I was feeling great. I'd lost 70 lbs. ( not to mention the 180 lbs of deadbeat ex-husband ). Everyone told me how beautiful I looked even though I still had about 40 lbs to lose. I actually felt beautiful, too.
Fast forward about a year to when I felt the time was right to start dating. I'd been through therapy. My self-esteem was coming back after years of an abusive relationship. I signed up for online dating. Suddenly, the pounds started to pile back on. Now I'm only 10 lbs away from my starting weight.
If you've done online dating, you know it's like shopping at Amazon.Your picture is surrounded by younger, thinner, prettier women with no kids. Everyone is looking for thin and athletic. Some of them say it nicely and some of them rant about how fat girls are gross.
You'd think maybe a big girl would feel the love from the big guys. I mean, I think I'm at least cute, heavy or not. And I'm willing to get to know a guy before I decide whether I'm attracted, because sometimes people grow on you when you give them a chance.
Nope. Even the fat bald guys expect a 10. The guys that are interested seem to think fat girls are easy to control.
I went into this excited about finally finding someone to treat me right. Now I wonder if I shouldn't just give up to preserve what's left of my self-esteem. I know self-esteem doesn't come from others, but it's hard not to feel down when 9 out of 10 guys you look at couldn't care less what a great gal you are because they don't like the packaging.
Do you think I should keep sifting through the losers in the hopes of finding someone to love me for me, or should I just forget about it and try to learn to enjoy my life as it is, not the way I wish it was?
* Sorry if this rant is depressing. I just needed to get it off my chest. *