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Old 07-29-2013, 01:22 AM   #16  
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If you are fat and over 40, best options is to use online dating. You are exposed to more people that are not as judgmental and you can be somewhat deceiving with your picture because everyone does it.
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Old 07-30-2013, 01:56 AM   #17  
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You should visit It's a site that helps you find people in your area who share your hobbies. People post group activities. It's not a dating site. Though there are singles groups. Even if you don't meet a guy, you can make new friends. I met two of my dearest friends this way.
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Old 08-17-2013, 03:57 AM   #18  
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I'm 46.
I've been at least 100 pounds over weight since I was around 19.
Last year I was 343, 218 today. Still have about 40 to go. I have bad self esteem and shyness issues. Online dating is brutal.
I've got to say this thread is a real eye opener for me. I've had to reread this thread a few times in fact before posting. Also almost all of what you guys say applies to me. Especially the rejection parts. I'm going out on a limb here to show how dumb I am in saying I had no idea women felt like this too. Please don't flame me, its sincere. I'm just saying it's nice to know I'm not alone in this.
I get from zero to a couple replies and I email everyone that sounds interesting regardless of looks.

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Old 08-23-2013, 01:55 AM   #19  
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Just don't judge yourself or your looks too harshly. Dress nice and stop beating yourself up. Your confidence will help you look beautiful. Your date has every right to see you as beautiful too. Its his choice.
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Old 08-24-2013, 08:36 AM   #20  
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I think until you feel good about yourself and get your self-confidence back any kind of dating is going to be a problem. You don't have to be a Size 2 but it sounds like the fact that you have gained the weight back is making you feel a little self-conscious. I would forget about the online dating right now and spend more time taking care of yourself. Start walking every day. I started this 5 weeks ago and I feel great. My body feels so much better even if I am not losing a ton of weight. Just start taking care of your body in a health way and that will help rebuild your confidence, get your nails done, have a professional do your make up. Start taking care of yourself and build that confidence back up and then you'll do much better in the online dating but I can sense a little insecurity in your post. My husband told me when we met that the thing he loved about me was my self-confidence and now I've gained 32 lbs and that's gone. He doesn't care about how much I weigh as long as I feel good about myself but I have to get the weight off and get in shape to do that. Since I've started pampering myself, it's help remind me what a great person I really am and how much I have to offer and it shows on the outside too. I think you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. Might be a little off topic but I hope it helps.
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Old 08-24-2013, 11:42 AM   #21  
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How you present yourself in your profile is very important. Do you come across as confident, interesting, and authentic? Or do you seem insecure, needy, and boring? Have a friend read your profile. Do they think it accurately conveys who you are? Do they think you sound datable? And give people something to comment on in a message - mention specific local hotspots that you hang out at, list some favorite bands or authors or sports teams, obliquely reference something that only someone who is into the same thing would recognize. If you don't have personality, all your potential dates can rely on is pics. And if the pic doesn't grab their attention, you've lost them before they can even discover how awesome you are.

I spent hours working on my profile on OKCupid, and as a result I was getting about 20 responses a day. (Not bragging, just proving my point.) A few of those were dudes looking for a hook-up but most of them led to actual conversations. And one of those conversations led to what is seeming like a major serious connection. (It's early days, but am I smitten? Indeed, I am.)

So, my advice is to tweak your profile before giving up on the online dating scene. If it's still not happening, maybe it's not the right time for you. (Or maybe it's not the right time for "him" and he's not out there yet.) Online dating can work, and I know there's more than a few folks on 3FC who will testify to that because I've heard them mention it elsewhere. Best of luck to you!
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Old 08-27-2013, 11:37 AM   #22  
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Originally Posted by Novus View Post
So, my advice is to tweak your profile before giving up on the online dating scene. If it's still not happening, maybe it's not the right time for you. (Or maybe it's not the right time for "him" and he's not out there yet.) Online dating can work, and I know there's more than a few folks on 3FC who will testify to that because I've heard them mention it elsewhere. Best of luck to you!
This! Really look at your profile: not just the pictures but especially the content. Having a friend read your profile is important. The other thing to remember about online dating is it's like dieting: there are ups and downs and if you really want it to work out, you need to work at it. I tend to be a pretty funny person (according to friends and my boyfriend) and I'm fairly independent. That definitely comes across in my profile.

The other thing I did was do lots of searching based on commonality, not pictures. On OKCupid (where I met my current boyfriend), I found that guys that had a high match percentage with me, tended to respond. Of course there are always things that you look at to see if you're compatible and everyone is different with what is most important to them.

You also can't just wait for someone to message you. You should take the time to send out messages. It's sort of like applying for a job! I usually sent out something that said, "Hi, I really enjoyed your profile. Please send me a message if you're interested." If there was something rather silly or something in his profile that I connected with, I would mention that. Were there a fair amount of guys who never responded? Sure, but there were also quite a few who did, and most of them weren't creepy in the slightest.

Regarding eHarmony, I did it several years ago and did not go on a single date. Frankly, I found most of the guys there creepier than on the free sites (like OKCupid).

Dating is hard, regardless of whether it's meeting someone at a club or online. Make sure that you personally are at a point where you are comfortable with yourself, no matter what your size is, before you jump in the water.
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Old 08-28-2013, 05:55 PM   #23  
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Thumbs up Been there, done that, doing it again

I just finished a divorce a few months ago. During that period, my stress levels went through the roof, lost a job, lost a house, found a job, found a house, and now things are getting much better. However, the 60 pounds I had lost prior to ex going through mid-life crisis and putting the foot on the accelator (and ironically all of his mistresses have been very overweight and older than both of us!) have ended up putting 45 back.

Now, with a solid job for at least 16 months, a home to look forward to, just felt the time was right to lose again - and so far so good.

As for dating sights... I'm just staying away from them. The ex has gotten all his "sugar momma's" from them, and quite frankly, I have friends/relatives who honestly do know what I'm looking for in a man and are now setting me up on dates. I trust their "pre-screening" alot better than those dating sights and the double standards I've heard are in place with most folks. Looking forward to just going forward.

My advice, take a step back - there is a reason the weight came on, just like there was a reason it came off. Once you are solid with yourself, have the stress under control, you'll know the time is right to start the weight loss process, and nothing will sway the course.

BTW, My relatives tried to get me back on the program that was so successful with getting the weight off when they noticed the weight coming back on, but it didn't have a chance at that time... I was still battling the hurt from the betrayal, trying to find a job, trying to keep my home and keep things status quo for the kids since their father wouldn't.

It will get better... just have faith.
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