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Originally Posted by Perfection Obsession
Since I was sixteen I have always had issues with food. I can't even go past three days without binge eating! When I say binge eating, I don't mean that I eat until I am really full and maybe it hurts a little. I mean, I think I am gonna have to go to the hospital because I am about to rip my stomach open. How does someone do that to themselves....and consistently no less? I see a lot on these forums about how acknowledging it is the first step but I've been acknowledging it for the past ten years and it has made no difference. It has gotten to the point where I don't even care about weight anymore but just want to be able to treat my body with a little respect! Is that so much to ask!?! No one deserves the kind of punishment I put on myself, yet I keep doing it. I've tried everything!!! I feel beyond hopeless!
I have done the same thing my entire life - and have never been able to control the behavior as well. I too was at the point where I didn't care about my weight and have recently realized that I was committing a form of suicide.
I've always dealt with anxiety issues and am working my way through the depression that coincides with decades of panic - and, along the way, realized that my binging was the only control I felt I had over my life. I felt (sometimes still feel) that I will never be able to overcome my panic or even be able to get through the day without these feelings controlling every aspect of my life. Eating seemed to make me feel better - and became my drug of choice. I have come to realize that eating (or any form of compensatory coping) was only prolonging my suffering. I started to see a therapist who helped me see all these things - and that I was capable of controlling my thoughts and behavior. With help, I am slowly gaining control over the panic. I still fight everyday with the panic, but don't feel as though there is no hope for me.
Long story short - maybe eating is your drug of choice and is just a symptom of something larger. Maybe acknowledging the "something larger" will allow you to gain control of your eating?
Just my opinion. If nothing else, please know that you're not alone with this.