This forum is new to me, but this story isn't. It's mine. "Hang in there" becomes a phrase you loathe, you can feel your friends' eyes
beginning to roll and you can do nothing but spew vile thoughts about yourself and your body.
THIS IS NOT YOU. THIS IS A STORY YOU'RE TELLING YOURSELF OVER AND OVER. YOU ARE ADDICTED TO TELLING IT AND IT IS POISONING YOU. YOU HAVE TO BREAK IT SOMEHOW.
I myself haven't completely accomplished this, but simply becoming self-aware made a huge difference. This only happened with therapy. If you're not ready for that, here are some of the things that may help...
Hula hoop in your living room. (Seriously. You'll laugh at how stupid you feel.)
Volunteer, it's a great distraction to care about others.
Keep a journal. Each day write about things you did right and things you'll do better tomorrow. Find at least 10 for each column, even if it's "I brushed my teeth."
TaiChi (if you can find a group) It is the most infuriating thing I've ever studied. You must be still, listen to your body and follow directions. If you stay with it, it will reward you in patience, flexibility and calm. It has definitely taken me from a type A+++ personality to an A-.
I hope some small piece of this helps you. You just need to know that you are not alone friend. Keep reaching out. xxx