I just posted my bio in the "bio" thread and it got me thinking about my journey thus far. This will probably be a bit lengthy, but I think I just need some space to work out what's going on in my head Hopefully someone else will be able to relate!
So I started in January of 2010 at 274 lbs. I lost like crazy the first 5 months then decided to slow down a bit for the summer (still lost, just at a slower pace.) Got back on the horse in the fall, got to onederland (big milestone for me) and by year's end I had lost somewhere around 80 lbs. That spring I hit the 180's and left obesity behind me. I was "just" overweight! Hit the 170's later that spring and kind of stalled out. Decided to have another "maintenance" summer, which was actually quite successful, considering I rarely counted calories and just ate intuitively, stayed active and generally enjoyed life. It was really great practice for when I eventually get to my final goal and "real" maintenance, and proof to myself that I CAN keep the weight off.
Labor Day rolled around and it was time to get back on the horse again and start working toward a healthy BMI and my final goal. Then came the dreaded plateau. For the past two months I've been bouncing around between 176-178. I will admit I haven't always been 100% OP. But while maintaining my weight over the summer seemed so effortless, my TRYING to lose again now seems like so much more work, with the same results.
Trying to stay positive through the plateau, I tell myself that not losing every week isn't a failure, that I'm a success for keeping 98 lbs off. While that's true, my fear is that I will eventually just be OK with 176 and lose my motivation to keep going.
It's easy enough to do. Though I know I'm still overweight, I feel relatively "normal" compared to the general population (which as we all know, 2/3rds of us are overweight or obese in the U.S.) I can wear "normal" sizes. I can actually run or jog a few blocks and not feel like I'm going to die. I'm far from perfect, but I'm also far cry from what I used to be. I'm "good enough."
I have 2 more lbs to go until my next big milestone, 100 lbs lost. I feel like if I can just get there, I will be motivated to keep going. But it's been a long time coming....it's like the proverbial carrot that's perpetually just out of reach. In my mind, 2 lbs seems to be the boundary between complacency and the road to success. Two. Lousy. Pounds.
Intellectually, I know these 2 lbs are no different from any other 2 lbs. They're not magical or special. They're another 7000 calories worth of excess fat that I don't need on my body. But oh, how our minds like to attach special meaning to arbitrary numbers.
Though I'm frustrated, I will not give in to complacency. I've come too far to settle for less than what I set out to do. I knew this would take time. Unlike previous weight loss attempts, this time is different because I finally know how to keep the weight OFF. I've lost 98 lbs, there's no reason I can't lose 25 or 30 more. I know I can do this...and I WILL do this. I just have to remind myself why sometimes.