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Next time your buddy says "I don't like the fat one," remind him that "No one likes the rude one."
This and this...
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I never let them hide behind the boys will be boys though. It says something to their character.
And this!
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Even though your friend didn't direct his comment at you, I feel like the others in that it shows his character and it's uglier than he thought the heavier waitress was.
We're not all attracted to the same types of people. Which is totally fine. He doesn't have to be attracted to the one lady.
But thoughtless comments are more than just thoughtless. I'm SOOO glad you spoke up. Shine a light on that kind of ugh behaviour! You are right to be bothered by it!
I don't buy the "just being guys." So what? That doesn't give them license to act like rude jerks. I find it insulting to the truly nice men I know. "Just guys" implies men are animals of some kind who can't be civilized?
Worse, even if they ARE generally nice guys but needing more social skills -- letting junk like that slide because "they are just guys -- he's really nice deep down?" Doesn't help the first guy learn better social skills.
Worse, it just means the nasty guys get room to work their nasty in with a pass and the people they are mean to don't get that they are being targeted. They keep excusing unacceptable behavior because "He's just being a guy."
Or if the targets speak up and seek help other people dismiss subtle abuse as imagined because they too have been conditioned to think "Oh, really he's a nice guy. He's just being a goofball...."
The verbal abusers who ARE NOT being "just guys" and who are predators slippin' in the zingers and when busted go "Oh, we're just being guys. You are too sensitive" can keep up their nasty and keep on slippin' by and messing with their target's heads.
You'd think the ones who are "actually nice guys" would
just not do it and call EACH OTHER on that BS if they spot it in others. I know nice men who don't engage in that kind of talk. So... what's so hard about being polite then?
Politeness never hurt anyone. Giving it a pass might. Silence might.
A.
(Sorry if I hijacked a bit - very frustrated for a friend who is enduring abuse.
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