I figure that a lot of us have Kids. That is why I turn to you girls when asking this. My sons biological father is in DEEP trouble. I won't go on to say more than that but he is looking at least 25 years in prison. I never ever want to tell my son what he did because it is that bad. I mean even as an adult.. Some of my family think that I should tell him that he is at least in jail.. I just think I should tell him that I don't know where he is at.. Any advice?

Wow! Tough one.

How old is your son?
Will he find out from others? In other words do you live in the vicinity?


Depending on age, I would tell him he was in jail. I would not tell him "what" he was in for until he is an adult. If he is 9-15 yrs, I would say "your father is in jail for (fill in the blank, felony, misdemeanor) but no details as to what he did. I am very sorry this burden has fallen on you and your son. Stay strong!

Unless NO ONE knows who his biological father is someone will tell him. The world is cruel like that. It may even be unintentional as they may assume he already knows.

He is 7 1/2. He has not been around him for over a year. That is because I moved 800 miles away. I am going for step parent adoption soon.. So legally there will be no concern.. He hardly come up any more.. At first it was every week then twice a month and now maybe every two months.. I plum don't know what to say.. I feel like I shouldn't lie but also don't ever want him to think that is where he comes from if that makes scene.. I don't think that anyone would tell him.. Because so far it has not hit the media. I try not to talk about it around him and I doubt that you could find the info in years to come unless you were digging. He has my last name so that even won't be an issue.

Gosh... that's a tough situation.

I certainly wouldn't judge anyone for deciding either way, but I've always valued honesty. Honesty doesn't mean cruelty, and it doesn't always mean giving out every single detail. It just means age-appropriate honesty. Also, better from your mouth than anyone else.

I'd say to him that his father did something bad against the law (no need to go into detail if it's too much for someone his age to handle), and it means that his father is going to have to suffer the consequences of breaking the law and that means going to prison for some time.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

A friend of mine recently went through this with her 11 year old. Her son was close with his dad and his absence was noted so she told him he went to jail for a while for doing something against the law. Her son ended up having trouble in school afterward and it landed him in therapy. It might be something to consider if you decide to tell your son to alert the school counselors that he has had a big event happen and may need some extra TLC. I'm sorry that you guys are going through this and I'm sure you'll make the right decision for your family. Good luck!

My opinion and you can take it or leave it.
As long as someone else knows there is gonna be a chance he'll find out. I would just tell him that daddy did something he should not of done and had to go away or you can say he had to go to jail. He's gonna wonder eventually and if he finds out later in life and finds out you knew it might give him an reason to not trust you. You never want to jeopardize your trust between him and you. Later on when he's a teenager your gonna need that trust. Without trust the lines of communication close. Good luck with the whole situation.

I would tell him with as little detail as possible. Your father was arrested for doing something wrong and has had to go to jail. I would not give any more information than that unless/until he asks. You can be assured that someway, somehow he will find out, it is a matter of public record.It is better that he hear it from you.

Honesty is best, even at his young age. Dont give him details, explain it to him on his level. Say something like "You know when you do something bad and I have to ground you for a week and you can't play outside? Well daddy did something really bad and he's going to be grounded, in jail, for a long time." It's best to hear it from his mom, someone he trusts rather then finding it on the internet later. And I whole heartedly agree with Cakegirl, your son is 2nd grade? Let the counselors and teacher know, they are your first step to telling you if there's a change in his behavior/grades.

Good luck to you and I'm sorry for your troubles Good luck!

I encourage you to be honest with your son. It will build back the trust, which his father has lost.

Not only is this a good teaching opportunity, but it will strengthen your relationship with him, because he will know you respect him enough to tell him the truth about things, even when those things aren't pretty.

I don't know when you should tell your son, but I do think you should, sometime. My uncle didn't know his biological father while growing up, and although he loved his mother (my grandma), he always suspected that his mother's motivations for keeping information from him were more about her feelings than his. His dad wasn't in jail, but had done, well, a fair number of yucky things. It was a wedge between him and his mother well into adulthood.

I too think you should tell him. There is always going to be that chance of someone telling him. Always. And at some point you have to tell him anyways. He can't go his whole life wondering.

I think you should tell just the basics about what is going on.

There are flip sides to not telling him that I would like to point out. What is your son is wondering all the time when is my father going to show up? Why is he not coming to see me? What have I done wrong? Things like that. Where if he knows his father is somewhere he can not leave, it will cut out these kinds of questions.

Good luck to you. You have a very hard decision to make. Big Hugs to you.

Completely agree with this. Tough situation for you and your son to be in. <3

I would tell him and use it as a learning experience at the same time. I think telling him details probably is not a good idea at his age though. I think finding out now would be best rather than when he is a teen for example and he may even have a harder time processing it down the road knowing it was kept from him.