My friend and I were talking about losing weight the other day. She told me that she knows she needs to lose weight, but she doesn't think she looks all that much overweight. This left me concerned. I made no comment when she said this, because I could not think of any positive or supportive thing to say. She does look very overweight.

We go to the same doctor, and we both have appointments coming up. Would it be unethical of me to mention our conversation to the doctor, and my concern that my friend is denying the seriousness of her situation? I care for her very much. I don't want to see her missing out of the joy of being in good health. I don't want to miss out on this either! But I also want to respect her privacy. She told me that the doctor had never mentioned that she should lose weight.

What do you think?

i'd leave it alone. if she wants or feels like she needs to lose weight, she will. her doctor will also know when to mention this to her.

How overweight are we talking? Vanity pounds? or health issue pounds?

This would be a touchy subject. I think I would be insulted if a friend told me I looked overweight. Maybe ask her if she would like to come exercise with you? Or you could ask her to do your diet with you so you arent doing it alone?

I dont know...

I wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot stick. She knows she should lose weight...that is good enough. Meddling will get you only in trouble...with a capital T

Yes, it would be unethical.

It would be even more unethical, also illegal, for the doctor to discuss one patient with another without prior permission from the patient being discussed.

MYOB.

I called a friends doctor (whom I had never met) once from the parking lot to say she seemed to be going through somesort of manic episode and had not slept in two weeks (amoungst other things). The office staff replied that she was "appearing irratic".

A week later my friend called me and and asked me to drive her to the hospital and sign her on for a Psychotic admission (yes she told me what to put ion the form). The lack of sleep caused her to have a Tonic Clonic (grand mal) seizure while we were waiting in the ER.

...in the end my friend never did quite forgive me for taking her to the hospital. Oh well, I know I did the right thing.

I'd stay out of that situation. Firstly, because it has the possbility of turning ugly. Secondly, people have to want to change lifestyle for themselves, not because of others meddling.

IMHO it is only unethical for the doctor to discuss your friend with you, and it is not unethical for him to listen, if you decide to talk to the doctor and he does not respond or responds curtly, keep this in mind.

She already said she knows she needs to lose weight. I'm sure she's very aware of her image if she can admit that she has weight to lose. No body likes to admit that they don't look their best--I think you'd be adding "insult to injury" if you really did try to talk to her doctor. Not your business, even as a friend.

If she is admitting she needs to lose weight, but doesn't think she looks that overweight, then maybe she just has a healthy body image. For those of us who avoid mirrors and are in agony when we do use them, I desperately wish I could look at myself and find the beauty instead of berating myself. Maybe she just has great self-esteem - and telling her that she looks overweight might start her on a dangerous path of self-consciousness and self-loathing.

I once talked to a friend's doctor because I was concerned for them, and the doctor turned right around and told my friend what I had said. It just about ended our friendship--and we were never as close again. I would strongly recommend that you stay out of it.

Jay

You'd be happier if she felt fatter and uglier?

She says she knows she needs to lose weight - end of story. If she chooses to lose weight or not, her business. If she decides she looks hot, but wants to be healthier, would her weight loss be any less meaningful if it's done for health instead of beauty?

I've almost never minded how I looked - even at nearly 400 lbs. For me, losing weight has always had to be about health, and strength/endurance because appearance just isn't that important to me, and hasn't been since I was a teenager.

So does my weight loss not count, because I think I look good (and think I looked pretty good even 90 lbs ago)?

If you want to keep your freind don't say a word, most people know they need to lose weight and it can be a very touchy subject.

Stay out of it, I say. I don't think it's anyone's business if she sees herself as a little less overweight than she is. I didn't think I looked 'that bad' myself until I really did look that bad. If anybody had told me otherwise, I would have thought it was none of their business to say that to me, much less my doctor. I know you're a concerned friend, but leave well enough alone. It would be like having a friend that smokes and calling their doctor. They already know it's bad, and they probably don't need you to tell them. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I fear you'd lose your friendship over that one.

Also, exactly what Kaplods said.

I wouldn't.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's fine that you are concerned and there is NOTHING wrong with speaking to someone's doctor about your concern - if it's an immediate danger (ie. fatgyrl's friend experiencing a serious mental health episode, or like how my family has reported to my father's doctor about his seriously declining alcoholism).

If it's a lifestyle issue and not an immediate danger, then no, I think that's overstepping.