Some people like the overweight look. Some people LOVE curves. If she's not unhealthy overweight, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with her having a strong body image about herself. More power to her to like how she looks.
She could also be in denial and tells herself she's good looking to help with her esteem.
Either way, I'd just leave it alone. You can't force someone to want to change, and telling them they look fat is hurtful. She knows how she looks. If you're worried about it, invite her on runs just saying you need a jogging buddy. Or say you need a gym partner. Don't bully her into going, just see if she will.
Leave it alone if you want to keep your friend. She knows she needs to lose weight, so my impression is that even tho she knows this she thinks she looks good. I gotta tell you, I have days like that too. I'm over 200 lbs, but I have days where I feel so good about myself I'd tell you I didn't look fat at all. Her confidence is great and not something you need to discuss with the doctor. And if it is denial about how she looks? That's also her business.
I agree with what everyone else is saying -- don't try to talk to her doctor.
If definitely would not help your friendship. Believe me, if you talked to her doctor and she found out, do you think she would throw her arms around your neck and say Thank You for agreeing I was fat!!!! We all know our own bodies - to lose weight the desire has to come from within herself. It's like cigarette smoking - people who give up cigarettes do so because they've made the decision. How many parents have stopped smoking because their child asked them to??
The group consensus is don't say anything. If I were her mother or sister, I would be willing to risk our relationship to express my deep concern for her health. We have been friend's for 20 years, and I don't want to lose that. My friend has been overweight for as long as I've know her, but I never cared what size she was. Now that she is 100 pounds overweight, I am scared. I don't want to lose her from either offending her or to a health related problem.
I want to say, I understand your concern. You fear that because she doesn't see herself as overweight, she will continue doing nothing. The best thing you can do is have candid and honest discussions with your friend about how you feel and the items you and she do agree on.
1. Tell her how much you care about her and remind her how long you have been friends.
2. Tell her about your decision to be/eat healthier. The suggestions to request she go along due to you wanting company to make it nicer are great suggestions!
3. ANYTHING she says about KNOWING that she should lose weight is an opportunity you can take to discuss this with her. You definitely need to approach your friend as someone you care about and want to have around for a long time.
If someone I had been friends with for 20 years did the above for me, I would not be offended and it would not hinder our relationship.
I hate it that you have had so many seemingly negative replies. I do not understand this at all.
L
Last edited by LoriAS; 06-27-2011 at 03:47 PM.
Reason: to say, You can be my friend anytime! It is very admirable, your concern!
I think your concern for your friend is admirable and your love for her is obvious. You are both lucky to have each other!
But, take this from someone who has been overweight for her whole life. She knows. She lives in that body every single day. She might currently have a good self image, and that's great for her - but on some level, she knows that she needs to lose. She just isn't ready.
For years I have dealt with this from my mother. It has never been about cheering me on because I was successful, smart, etc. It's always about that, "If only..." that ends so many of her sentences, and we both know that the sentence ends with "...you would lose weight."
No one can make another person want to lose - and if you say something, you will probably make her feel shamed and that could even trigger more eating depending on how she deals with things. She will get there on her own.
I have a friend that has a very big food addiction. My brother and other friends tell me that i should be the one to say something to her. I said, first of all why would I get involved in that (she had a trainer and lost 90 lbs. for her wedding so clearly she knows she can lose). And the other night she said she could never diet, she loves food too much. She's very overweight but it's none of my business.
If i were you, and it sounds like you made the right decision, i wouldn't touch that one! If she's confident in her shape than all the better for her. I wish at 195 i could be happy, but i'm not, have the body image problems
I think not talking to her Dr. is the right move. I completely agree with what LoriAS said. You guys have been friends for so long that I highly doubt she would be offended if you express concern directly to her. I've talked with a few of my long time friends about weightloss and we've been able to motivate and support each other with getting healthier.
I probably wouldnt talk to the dr, mostly because he also has eyes and I would like to think he discusses important issues like weight when required.
I do think there are many ways you could continue the conversation with your friend.
In the actual moment she said it (or in similar future moments), you could ask your friend how she "feels" as opposed to looks. While we all want to think we "dont look so bad" to everyone else....asking how she feels allows the conversation to continue if she wants it to...maybe she wont.
But definitely let her know that YOU have struggled and that if she feels the same and wants a friend to discuss without judgment you are there for her.
Just on a sidenote: You mentioned the DR hadn't told her she was obese; the DR has likely told her, it's just that no one want to broadcast to an audience that their DR think they need to lose weight. I certainly haven't told anyone that I was told to lose weight by my DR, because I'm too embarassed about it.
Last edited by IsabellaOlivia; 06-27-2011 at 05:36 PM.
Hmm meet her for lunch and bring your digital camera along. Take some pictures and post them on your facebook page and tag her in them! (assuming you have facebook, I think I'm the only person in the world who happily closed a FB acct).
But seriously PICTURES!! Umm I didn't feel too fat either, but what you see in pictures is often enough to end that "i'm not that big." fairy tale.
If the subject of weight loss comes up again, I'd ask her to maybe ask her doctor if he has any advice on weight loss so that she could share it with you....sort of like you're asking for advice, but that way, it would open the door for the doctor to discuss weight loss with her. See what I mean? I've never ever had a doctor say anything to me about my weight, even though I was obese. Some doctors just don't bring it up for whatever reason.
