I have a good friend who is very bad at choosing gifts. Most of the things she gets me end up being unused or given to charity shops. Now, I know this makes me sound like an ungrateful cow, but I have spent a lot of time and effort in the past, in choosing gifts for her and I am starting to feel that it isn't worth the effort.
For example, for Christmas I went out and found her a ceramic egg-holder that she had mentioned in conversation. She gave me a toiletry bag. Not just a toiletry bag, but a particularly hideous one that would be used by an ancient auntie. I'm 45 - I already have more toiletry bags than I will every used and have never mentioned needing one, so I don't think a lot of thought went into that one.
For her birthday last year, I got her a jewellery roll, as she had mentioned she was looking for a new one. This again took time and effort, as I had to visit a lot of shops before I could find one. For my birthday a few weeks ago, she gave me some body lotion. Not an unwelcome gift in itself, but this one is very strong-smelling, so I can't use it as I have perennial rhinitis and it would set off my sinuses (it takes me forever to choose a new face cream, as I have to take off all the lids and smell them!) I told my friend that, unfortunately, I couldn’t use the gift she gave me because of my sinuses. She said that she didn’t know. This is strange, because I’ve deliberately made a point of mentioning it when we go into a pharmacy or drugstore, specifically to avoid this type of situation happening again (she’s bought me some bath oil in the past that I couldn’t use either). Instead of offering to replace the lotion, as I would have done, she said that she didn’t have the receipt any more and I should give it to someone else! So I’m stuck with something I can’t use, which feels like I didn’t get a present at all. When you add this to the amount of time I’ve put into choosing her gifts, I’m starting to feel very miffed.
I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve tried dropping hints about giving each other gift cards or vouchers, so that we can each choose something for ourselves, but that obviously fell on deaf ears, along with my comments about my sinus problems. I’m starting to wonder whether she’s ‘re-gifting’ things to me that she’s been given by other people, as none of her presents shows any thought. If it was just a one-off, I could ignore it, but this seems to happen every time and I’m feeling more and more resentful – to the point where I’m thinking of buying her chocolates for her next birthday just to make a point (she’s type 1 diabetic).
Having typed this all out, I do feel very selfish and I’m sure that’s what some of you will think. It’s not just the quality of the gifts, it’s also the fact that she doesn’t seem to be hearing anything I tell her or suggest. Another mutual friend has joked to me that she has ‘selective deafness’. So, I guess my question is: ‘What would you do in this situation?’