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Old 08-06-2008, 11:12 AM   #1  
Taking life by the horns
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Default Fat-Haters--- Have you ever met someone who didn't like you JUST b/c you're fat?

I'm just curious... my hubby thinks I'm just crazy and paranoid, but you know when you KNOW something...

I work with two people who are just COLD to me... and I just KNOW it's because I'm fat. They're fit and trim and attractive and we have had almost ZERO interaction (meaning that there is no baggage, etc for why they would treat me less friendly).

Have you ever met people who are Fat-Haters? Who simply just don't want to be friendly or smile at you in the hallway simply b/c they are offended by your "Fatness"?

I feel that way...

(and I'm not even disgustingly obese--- I dress professionally and I'm not sloppy/dirty/offensive in any way like, I'm sorry, some "stereotypical" fat people are)

I swear, this one girl is relatively new to the department, I've got a good reputation around here as being a good worker who produces a+ reports... no background of baggage (I've been here less than a year myself, so no time to build up a bad rep yet!) and she just never smiles at me in the hall or greets me... just walks by and doesn't even look. COLD.

I just want to go in her office one day and say, "Listen, are you rude to me just because I'm fat? Because that's really not fair. You are never friendly to me and I just can't figure it out."


Last edited by BrandNewJen; 08-06-2008 at 11:13 AM.
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Old 08-06-2008, 11:36 AM   #2  
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About 7 years ago, before DH and I were married, we hung out with a group of people and some of them were not very nice toward me, but were toward my husband. I never got it, and DH thought I was making things up that weren't really there. One day (after DH and I stopped hanging out with them) I confronted one of them and guess what? I wasn't making things up. I never got a reason for why they didn't like me, but guess what happened after I lost 60 pounds? I ran into some of them who started chatting me up like we were best buds. I remember talking about hockey and how I used to play when I was younger and he said something like "Oh I never knew that" and I replied with "Maybe if you had gotten to know me instead of judging me just by looking at me you would have" and walked away

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Old 08-06-2008, 12:19 PM   #3  
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Nah, I never go there. I figure there are LOTS of reasons to hate people (I've done it myself, just LOOKED at someone and don't like them ~ big small pretty ugly doesn't matter, just the weird feeling ~ I feel that way about Renee Zellwegger and I'm sure she's only said good things about ME heheheh) so don't sweat it ~ the work place is a funny place. Sometimes the most insecure people hide behind a cold exterior - maybe she's just quiet/shy doesn't know how to make friends, OR you remind her of someone who her husband cheated with LOL there's a million reasons!
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Old 08-06-2008, 12:22 PM   #4  
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Default can't judge a book by its cover

I totally agree that people judge fat people and don't talk to them because they are fat. I have always been a chubby girl never skinny skinny because honestly I have a crap metabolism and I do believe that it has something to do with hereditary. When I do get to goal even at 140 I am still going to look thick 1 because I have a large body frame and 2 I have a big chest no matter how much I weigh It just runs in my family stockiness.

Example on how people judge because people are fat:

This is for real:

My fiance is about 6'0 tall and he is about 170lbs and 22yrs old.
I am 5'0 shorty and at 241 at this time and 20 years old

Recently I was at an amusement park and we were standing next to some younger people who were like 18 or so, I actually heard one of the girls say "Why is he with her, she'd probably crush him." My fiance was like your just hearing things, but NO I heard it they were looking right our way and they weren't far and it seemed clear they didn't care if I heard what they said.

Here's what ticks me off though. They don't know me I am actually I really nice person I don't have many enemys if any at all, I get along with pretty much everyone in high school. Our Senior year of High School we went around our sociology class and said where we think each person would be in 10 years and everyone voted me as the soccer mom, because they said I am a sweet person who loves kids and they could just see me being the soccer mom. Also in High School I was only 140lbs it was after a bad break from my fiance now and a baby two years later that I am up to 241lbs. So that girl doesn't know me at all. That I use to be thin and you know what that my fiance he loves me no matter what. He says he doesn't care if I lose weight because he loves me for me not because of my weight. Some people need to realize you can judge a book by it's cover.
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Old 08-06-2008, 12:34 PM   #5  
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I think karma caught up with me -- I was always overweight then thin for like five years. I was "set up" with another woman when I moved out of state by a co-worker so I could have someone to hang out with -- we did a couple of things together and I admit -- I was embarassed to be with her because of her size because people were always making comments about the two of us (calling me "olive oil" and her names ), so I quit hanging out with her. I know now I missed out on a really awesome friendship because of my insecurity.

I would love it if everyone who has issues with overweight people had to spend a day in a "fat suit" -- I think it would change their perspective totally.
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Old 08-06-2008, 12:55 PM   #6  
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I'm with Trazey - I've just looked at people and gotten a bad vibe/sense about them, regardless of reputation or looks. There are so many reasons she might be cold...seems like giving your weight WAY too much power over you to assume that is the reason.
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Old 08-06-2008, 01:03 PM   #7  
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I agree with Jen, I've been on both sides of the fence (fat/thin) and the very same people who knew me both ways have treated me different when I was heavier.

I think because I am older, and I'm starting to see things differently I don't let people like that bother me anymore, its just not worth my energy ......... besides, its their loss

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Old 08-06-2008, 01:06 PM   #8  
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I've definitely met people who have not liked me just because I was overweight. I know if for sure. Zero doubt in my mind.

Thing was, I didn't need them to like me, because they weren't worth my time, effort or energy. Their loss.
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Old 08-06-2008, 01:24 PM   #9  
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There was this guy once. I met him online. He was a local guy, and we were just chatting online for a couple weeks. There was some MAJOR chemistry there. We had so much in common, he was a writer and was sending me chapters of his book he was writing, asking me to critique them, and then we would have amazing discussions about his writing. Online was great, phone was great. We never traded pictures. He was talking about how he had been looking for years for someone like me that he could relate to. He talked about some big gala ball he was going to in a couple months and how he had been looking for someone to take with him. (We were not teenagers, by the way. We were in our 30's-40's).

So we set up our first date. We met. As soon as he saw me, his face just fell. He was casual with me on our date, just barely friendly. After that he cut me off. When I asked him why, he sent a short message about me not being "what he was looking for."

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Old 08-06-2008, 01:24 PM   #10  
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It could be your weight - BUT - maybe she's just got her panties in a bind over something else.

I'm temping at a law firm and have been here three months now. I get along great with everyone here and have been told they are going to make me an offer to stay on permanently when my assignment is up in two weeks. But there are two attorneys here that absolulety WILL NOT look me in the eye or give me the time of day. One gal is about 35-40, may age, my size, no different from me whatsoever, other than she has a law degree and I don't. The other is an older guy (okay, older than dirt) - and I don't know what the heck I did to him- the other day I said, "Good morning, Ken." He stopped, turned, looked straight at me, turned his nose up in the air, and turned around and walked away. I was SHOCKED! I just about opened my mouth and said What the f.... did I do to you, old bat? And if they don't hire me permanently, I just might!
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Old 08-06-2008, 01:29 PM   #11  
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Default Part of the issue is how we project

I will say, I've definitely gotten some bad vibes from people that were clearly because of my weight. For example, walking into a business function and seeing a woman look directly at my thighs and make a disgusted face.

On the other hand, we often don't feel very good about ourselves when we're overweight. We often put on this "fat suit" to insulate us from the world and if we're in hiding people recognize that. I think it's the same way for a thin person who's depressed (for example) and just wants to avoid notice. People "don't see" them.

I know there's a huge difference for me from one day to the next, depending on my mood. When I'm feeling good, people look at me and talk to me. If I'm feeling crummy about myself, I feel like nobody gives me a second glance.

When I've been closer to a good weight before, I've been much more outgoing and "alive." And people respond to that.

Not saying this is the whole story but I definitely think it's part of it.

Not only can you not judge by appearances, you can't even always judge what's behind other people's behavior.
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Old 08-06-2008, 01:30 PM   #12  
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Default oh ya it happens

I have even had a husband treat me differently. When I got fat and we would have an argument, he would get fed up quick and go out. But after I lost the weight, you couldn't get rid of him for nothing. He was all of a sudden like oh honey, oh baby and buying me things. He was all caring bla bla bla. By then my feelings were irrepairably hurt and I lost all love for him over the nights I stayed home crying. I dumped him and he cried the blues for a change ( and alot longer than I did)
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Old 08-06-2008, 01:32 PM   #13  
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if that's you in your avatar i think it's not that your fat. I think it's that those people are just nasty in general to things outside of their comfort zone and a beautiful, talented competent woman threatens them.

you'll threaten them more and more as you get thin so don't be surprised if this behavior continues.
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Old 08-06-2008, 01:39 PM   #14  
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Someone in my small unit at work openly dislikes overweight people. Several years ago I shared an office with her, and was losing a lot of weight on Atkins, so she was fairly nice to me. But oh lordy, she always complained about her overweight son, and talked about how she always sent him weight-loss articles and lectured her daughter-in-law about doing something about her son. I always wanted to tell her "You know, there's a REASON he lives several states away and doesn't keep in touch with you very often!" She now works with someone who is also plus-sized, and is always complaining about her.

Several months ago, she had a student (we're a GED lab) who was extremely large, and she said she couldn't have the student in her classes because (I SWEAR she said this!) "if he collapses from the strain, I won't be able to pick him up, and if he falls on me I'll be severely injured." Hello...can you say blatenly discriminatory?
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Old 08-06-2008, 02:16 PM   #15  
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I teach adults computers for a living. So on any given day I could encounter up to 12 people who have not met me before. Keep in mind that I am bigger than most of you. Most of the time people are very friendly and very receptive. Sometimes even more so after they realize I know my stuff.

On occasion, I do run into someone who is not very responsive and even on the cool side. I always think it's my weight. A good part of the time, by the end of the class, I realize that it's not me, it's them. They are intimidated or just shy and quiet (this is a totally foreign concept to me because I am so outgoing). BUT... sometimes, you can just tell they just don't like my weight, it just puts them off.

But it always surprises me how often it isn't my weight.

No matter what, every day I am me and if you don't like me, then that's too bad for you.

Last edited by Sandi; 08-06-2008 at 02:19 PM.
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