I had a similar problem with my husband and our local warm water pool. I liked having him in the water with me, so we could talk as we worked out in the water.
Bottom-line, I had to suck it up and go alone. He drives me, and he'll sit and read poolside, but he's not comfortable in the water for several reasons. They're his reasons, and I have to respect that (at least if I expect him to respect my issues and comfort zones).
I could probably nag him into it, at least occasionally, but he'd be miserable (and I'd just get angry and blame him for demotivating me).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serval87
I just can't go by myself.
Yes, you really can. By making your exercise contingent on your husband's participation, you've given yourself an excuse (and a way to blame it on him, rather than seeing it as 100% your choice).
Whether or not he is willing to participate, your exercise is 100% within your control and 100% your responsibility if you choose not to.
You have 100% control over your exercise. Your husband has 100% control over his exercise (but 0% over yours). If he doesn't exercise, that's not your fault. And if you don't exercise, that's not his fault. If you choose to exercise together, you also have to respect each other's ability, interest, and limits.
If he's willing to do 20 minutes, complaining about him not doing an hour isn't going to help persuade him to go longer (I'm not saying you are complaining to him, just saying that if you do, it's not going to motivate him to do more. Instead, you'll just seem impossible to please).
Instead, when he does participate - even if it is only 5 minutes. Don't nag about how you want the walk to be longer - or that you had to beg to get him to come. Instead, just praise the heck out of him for participating with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serval87
I guess it's dumb of me to depend so much on another person, but it's the only form of motivation I have.
Don't mistake this for anything other than your choice. This doesn't have to be the only form of motivation you have, you're choosing to reject all other forms of motivation. It's a way to defer responsibility (After all, this way it's not really your choice, it's his.... but that isn't really true. It's always your choice).
I understand. I've been there. After I threw a huge hissy fit (a true tantrum. I refused to speak to him for a couple hours) because my husband wouldn't come into the pool with me, he eventually admitted why he hated pool work outs.
I knew it was my problem, when I realized I didn't really care that he had good reasons for not wanting to be in the water. I still wanted to blame him. I still wanted to believe that his refusal to participate somehow "ruined" it for me. I still wanted to MAKE him get in the water with me, even though he hated it (I didn't want him to hate it, I wanted him to like it because I wanted him to like it - but I can't create a reality that doesn't exist).
There are a bazillion ways you can exercise and enjoy it, but whether you do it alone or with someone else it all boils down to your choice. All the "I can't because" are obstacles you're setting in your own path.
I've told myself 1000 times that I would swim more often if I had a water-proof MP3 player, but really that's just a toy, not a motivation. When I have motivation, I sing in my head (and I sound a lot better in my head than anyone in reality ever could).
I've told myself (and my husband) "...but, I don't know anybody" (in a really whiny voice) at the pool. But I'm not a social dunce. I know how to meet people and make friends (it usually starts with a big ol' smile and me saying "Hi, I'm Colleen do you come here alot?")
If you truly want exercise buddies - go out and find them (and if you instantly think of 10 reasons why you can't, challenge yourself to come up with 20 ways you can).
You can always look (or place an ad) on Craig's List, or meetup.com. You can join a TOPS group (taking off pounds sensibly). To check if there's a group in your area log onto tops.org.
Church groups sometimes have walking clubs.
There are literally thousands of options (alone and in ways to meet and involve other people who are willing to participate). So when you think "I can't" challenge yourself to think of ways you can.
It's not always easy, but entirely possible, and always 100% your choice.