I am struggling so... I got on the scale today and weighed 218 - this is so depressing. My big plans of getting to onederland at the first of the year are figuratively and literally down the toilet.

A big wave of depression hit when I got back from visiting family in Michigan. It was a let down after performing at the grandson's school. I love being there. Was sad when it was over.

I got the reminder call from the surgeons office about my appointment in Monday. I had an anxiety attack. My foot feels the best it has in years. Of course, it's wraapped, padded, I wear a brace and I don't work or do much. But.... do I think it's OK enough.. I don't know. Probably not in the long run.

I am so mad about all this - my foot recovery should be over instead of starting again. Damn all the delays. I just can't get attached to a surgery date. Too many things have stopped it the past nine monthes... staff infection, injuring good foot and stomach flu. I am glad that I got to go to Disney, however.

I am getting all these calls about summer perfoming which I must turn down. I can hardly bear it.

I go in waves of huge binges with a few days of food sanity thrown in.

I don't ever know if I can have a sane relationship with food. People do it... I've done it before, then I relapse.

Each journey starts with a small step. I've got my journal out and I'll plan for a good day.

I am so sorry that you are struggling, but you are exactly right that you have to keep trying. The only way we can fail is to give up. If I give up, I gain weight back so rapidly. Even with when struggling, trying helps keep us from large amounts of weight gain.

I am struggling too, ever since the holidays, so I do know how hard this is. However, I know that I have been in the grove before and I will get back there again. So will you. Just keep working at it.

You are planning for a good day. Just keep taking it one day at a time. I know that you can do this.

You took the first step by stepping on the scale. When I'm depressed, I avoid it because if I don't see the damage, then no damage is done. I know that it feels like a huge set back, but it's not. You've come too far to let an 8lb gain stop you from progressing. Hang in there, drink water before you feel like binging and just keep going!

I feel ya. But... look how far you've come!! Look at what all YOU HAVE DONE!! When I get that way (which is how I was over the holidays!)... I always have to stop and take a step back and be all 'I know how to do this, I just need to DO IT!'... I I committed to doing one thing at a time. I got my water intake back under control, then I got my eating back under control, and now? I'm right back to loosing 2lbs a week and we're good to go!

You already did the hard part by finding out what you weigh. Only thing left is to go back to doing what you were doing before!

NO SWEAT!!

BeverlyJoy, hold your head up high, girlfriend. Life does get tough sometimes. Ride it out and know that there are better days coming.

Be proud of yourself, BeverlyJoy, for staying engaged in the war even if you've lost a few little battles. RomaineLettuce is right, just stepping on the scale, and facing up to the backslides is a huge victory. You'll find your footing again soon (no pun intended) and will be back on track to ONEderland before you know it!

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and support. It means alot to me.

Cheryl - you are so, so right... we've done it before, we can do it again. Never give up. Thanks.

romainelettuce - yes...it's the getting back on the scale... the very willingness to do this that can flip the switch for me back to healthy eating. It comes with willingness to do so, however. Thanks!

katie - yes.... sometimes coming back to it in 'bits' is helpful rather than every little thing. Thanks for your thoughts.

Rhonda - good reminder... I should hold my head up. I can do this. Thanks.

jamiesue - thanks for reminding me about the battles and the war!

Thanks again.