Saef, thank you so much.
You really made feel a sense of friendship through your post. The internet is so weird, isn't it? This
has been a long time coming and I appreciate so much that you see that. As always, you are absolutely spot on. It's funny you mention that I made changes to my body in order to be stronger for this moment. I had a similar thought yesterday. My body changes have absolutely nothing to do with what is going on. I started this process ten years ago and needed it done for me. But isn't the timing impeccable? It finally worked now? I had the thought that his slip up with the ex girlfriend was a sign to me, the last straw, the one thing I could really hang my hat on as the final solid reason for leaving. I have many, many reasons for leaving, but they're all small. This one thing he has done may or may not be bad enough to leave him over, but when combined with everything else, this is my moment. And I thought, my goodness, how lucky I am to have made the changes I have. I don't have to be the woman to say, "I'll lose weight and show him." I actually have the self-confidence to say "Wow, he wants to leave me for her? Really?" I don't feel inferior in any way, and that's a precious gift. I'm really proud of myself right now.
EZ, I do actually see having exactly that kind of relationship with him. He really is generally a very good man, with a very not-so-good man slip up.
What he did is very unlike him. He kindly asked where I wanted him to sleep and I laughed and said our bed is the size of Africa, it doesn't bother me a bit to share a bed. Perhaps that gets weird? But it's not weird right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HartLover23
I have to ask, Eliana, how long as he been depressed for? Why have four doctors said that he's untreatable? And if you don't mind me asking, why have you wanted out for a long time?
He's been depressed our entire marriage, but he's been severe for about five years. As I said, he's suicidal. He's considered "untreatable" because so far we can not find meds that work and because he just endured 12 rounds of shock therapy that did not work. There's a small percentage of people for whom that doesn't work and he's it. I feel for him. I hate this for him. And that's why I have wanted out for so long. I have been trapped due to his illness. Who leaves a man who is this sick? What kind of person would that make me? This is why this is my opportunity. He did something that he can not blame on his depression, though guess what...he's trying to. He said he went to her because he was that sad.
Thanks for making me write that out.
He has a way of sucking me back in.