So, I have a secret.
It's not a huge secret, but it's there.
For the past... couple months, I've been living off of 1,000 cal/day average.
I DO NOT believe in the 'starvation mode' myth. I do not believe I'd gain weight or my body will shut down on 1,000 calories. That's not my issue, and I'm not interested in hearing lectures that reflect this.
Heck, I even support 1,000 calorie diets for certain people. Do I get to qualify? I thought so before... But now I don't. My BMR is about 1,400... so I figured 1,000 was a good number for a person who was ~135 and never goes to the gym. Heh. Maybe it was. But... NOT the way I was eating. It was PURE junk. Sugary 100 calorie treats. No chicken, no eggs, no meat even. No beans. No nuts, and rarely any fruit. No veggies (unless you count pickles). No yogurt... fiber from popcorn only.
The thing is, I don't FEEL any worse than when I ate healthy and went to the gym all summer. I worked out like crazy, and ate the healthiest things possible. I was just as lethargic then, as I am now. I wasn't any more motivated than, than now. I didn't feel any better. I didn't feel more satisfied (despite eating crap now, I'm never hungry). I poop a lot less now, but I don't feel bad.
I kind of hate it, actually. I should feel GREAT when I'm eating healthy and working out! I should feel like Super Woman! But no. I feel the EXACT SAME. I don't feel like I have any more energy. None. So what's the point? You could say I'm healthier, but if I don't see it or feel it, it's hard to believe its even there.
And weight loss? The same. Heck, for a month or two, it was actually FASTER than when I ate well and exercised.
(And yes, I always counted my calories, even when I ate healthy.)
I'm so discouraged. I feel guilty about my eating habits, yet I can't convince myself that I should change them. And I CAN'T find the middle ground between the two eating extremes, which is what I really need.
I'm starting to go to the gym again, which means that I need to eat more, but I have no idea how much. I'm guessing 1,200 plus whatever I burn at the gym, but I really don't know. SIGH. This is so hard sometimes.