This is awkward. Even posting about it here is exactly the issue that I'm asking about.

I'm not sure how to talk about the weight loss without seeing like a jerk or at least having people *think* I'm a jerk. Any day now I'm going to hit goal weight (I'm hovering right around goal and weigh in daily). When I make a post about that on facebook as I've been thinking about for a while, it is just going to seem weird to me. For 2 reasons:

1) The amount of weight I've lost is pretty extreme. Some of my friends are relatively recent and I don't exactly want everyone to know that at one time in my life I was extremely morbidly obese.

2) I don't want to "brag" and have people feel bad.

Weight loss has been a big part of my life for the previous 3 years and I'm looking forward to telling people what I've accomplished. Yet I don't know how to go about this without coming off as a jerk.

Does anybody else feel weird about talking about their weight loss?

I totally know where you're coming from. I typically avoid talking about my weight loss when I'm around people who did not know me when I was fat. I also avoid talking about it when I'm around people who are overweight (unless specifically asked). When I hit my goal weight, I posted about it on a blog that only people who knew me when I was fat read, but mostly I limited my celebrating to 3FC.

Nowadays I only really talk about it on 3FC and with my husband. Since I hit goal we moved to another state and the only people here who knew me when I was fat are DH's family. I have mentioned it to my coworkers but I don't think they really know the amount of weight I lost or can really imagine me fat. Recently a friend posted some old photos from college on facebook and I had to ask her to make them private because I didn't want my friends to see pictures from when I was fat. I don't know why it made me so uncomfortable.

Yes, often, because of some of the unspoken conventions that many women live by.

They're meant to create bonding and rapport in social situations.

Often, women complain about their weight, inviting others to do the same, and to commiserate over the difficulty of owning & maintaining an attractive female body.

It's a social convention, almost a ritual, and has nothing to do with the kind of posts & discussions we have on this forum.

In the ritual, women talk about how hard it is to diet (to "cut back" or "watch what you eat" or "make more healthy choices") & exercise, for the same reason, and also to show vulnerability to other women, so that they can be trusted & considered empathic.

One of the conventions in this sort of conversation is that, though everyone tries, we all fail to some degree. We're not perfect. Thus, we're not a threat to other women's self-esteem issues.

It's easy, in that atmosphere, to downplay one's own accomplishments, so as not to stand out too much or to differ from the others. Because then, you know, they wouldn't **like you**, and we want to be liked.

Sometimes deferring all the time to others' sensibilities is maddening.

I just want to stand up & say, "Yeah, I did it. All by myself. I worked hard & I lost the weight."

And I think it's healthy to just come out & own your accomplishment, because when you don't do that, you are not owning your power & your abilities. You are covering up your strength, just to fit in with the convention of being an amiable failure & to be as inoffensive as possible.

But I think this ties in with one's general attitude toward accomplishments & reaching goals. Think of other goals you might set for yourself. I don't mean weight -- I mean running a 5K, winning a bit of cash on a lottery ticket or at a random drawing, completing an evening study program. Would you crow about those in public? Or are you the kind who thinks you ought never to mention any accomplishment at all, because it's somehow rude & pushy?

I think this is an interesting question. I know personally when I have met people who are thin and then someone tells me they used to be very fat I only have a very mild response. It is like oh "that's nice they lost a lot of weight but they are thin now and it doesn't really matter" However when I know someone that was large and then see them later after they lose the weight, I am surprised and always very impressed. I guess it is the initial change that is so fascinating.

Matt, this is very much on my mind lately. I had always planned to make FB announcement when I hit 100 lbs. gone and even have the wording rehearsed in my head. I haven't mentioned I was even trying to lose there but most of my FB friends are friends and family who have seen me intermittenly so it won't be a total suprise. Now that next month's weigh in will very likely make that possible, I am having to talk myself into actually doing it.

Everything you just said echoes my own feelings EXACTLY. I have a couple of "friends" who if I mention going to the gym, or how excited I am to get into an old dress, they immediately become defensive. "I got into my green dress today! I haven't worn that thing in years," and she responded, "My doctor says my weight is perfect for someone my age and that I'm healthy." My joy is apparently a personal attack.

I just tell myself something like this will sort the wheat from the chaff amongst my friends.

I am also paranoid about anyone besides my mom and husband knowing how much I actually weighed. I carried it well, and if everyone knew I had actually been 364 pounds, I would die of embarrassment for letting myself ever get that bad.

My approach is to just act as though nothing has happened with most people. If they ask, I give very general answers. If they really want to know all the details, they can ask me.

I think it depends on the audience. Here at 3FC, we all celebrate and support each other cause for the most part, we get it. I don't talk about weight loss in real life nearly as much as I do here on 3FC.

Facebook is an interesting thing. If your FB "friends" look anything like mine, it is a mixed audience. I'm at the point where I don't post much of anything cause my "friends" are so varied. I have people I work with, worked with, went to HS with, went to college with, went to grad school with, former/current patients, friends of my kids, people who are way conservative, people who are way liberal....I post innocent things or things I think are funny or whatever, and someone gets their shorts in a wad. I like FB cause it's nice to see pictures and such but I'm not sure I have something to say anymore that is appropriate for each and every person on my page. Anyway, that is a lot of words to say "consider your audience". If all your FB peeps are close friends who would celebrate you and be supportive, then post it. But if there are some people on there who you would rather not bare sensitive parts of your life to, proceed with caution.

You don't sound caustic, bringing something like that up with a casual acquaintance is a bit odd. You should be able to seek encouragement and talk about it to your closest friends and family, though. It is very important to you when you are going through a change like that, and it's only natural to reach out for support from your loved ones.

I can relate. I too have been on a long journey. When I reached goal I wanted to post on FB to let all my college friends know that there really was a healthy person living in me, but on the other had I didn't want to let my high school friends know I had ever been that overweight. So instead I've just been posting recent pics and talking about my training. I really try my best to keep my weight loss discussions to 3FC unless someone else brings it up. I don't want to bore them with the countless details of this journey or start to sound like I think I'm an expert on the subject. I think you just have to do what you feel comfortable with and who cares what anyone thinks. < this is the area I'm working on-trying to stop caring what others think about my weight loss, my new eating habits or my new body for that matter. Good luck!

1.) Your weight loss is extreme, and something to be very proud of. If you don't want people to know what you used to weigh, you could simply say you hit your goal after X months of effort, and you feel great! Or something like that.

2.) I don't think you're bragging. I saw a post by you when I first joined today and I thought, "Wow. He's less that 1 lbs away from hitting his goal- look how far he's come! It made me feel encouraged that maybe I can do the same.

I'm a very open person....my "job" has turned me into one & I live in a really small town everyone knows I have lost a lot of weight (the only confusion is how I did it, blah). As for FB, I have all of my friends in categories & I love the fact I can select which groups or individuals that see my status updates.

Always do what you feel comfortable with....if you've always kept it low key then keep it there, if no one knows then they be totally confused & you'll get a lot of questions :P

It really IS a touchy subject, isn't it??? It's hard to want to tell the world of your accomplishment but, at the same time, not want to sound like you're patting yourself on the back. BUT...why not pat yourself on the back if you deserve it??? How many other people in this world can say that they've lost almost 250 pounds??? I mean, that's a HUGE accomplishment...you've lost an entire obese person!!! But I totally get what you're saying. When I started I didn't mind posting about it on Facebook, hoping it would help w/ accountability...now I try to shy away from it b/c I figure most people aren't interested. *shrugs* At least you know that you've got us here on 3FC.

I guess I still feel like abusing my body for all those years and getting to a normal weight that most people have maintained their whole life is still too much of an embarrassment to brag about.

I couldn't figure out how to limit a status update to just a select group of friends. I totally don't understand the privacy setting on that page. Confusing!