Well it is almost a year since I had Drake and I'm feeling kind of down. Probably a lot of it is related to the fact that things are going to be changing in the next couple of weeks. Drake starts daycare next week and I go back to work on the 18th and I"m taking a couple of college courses which is going to keep me busy. I think though I am mostly down about not losing the weight I wanted to lose. I figured that if I had a year off work and all I had to do was look after Drake that I would have time to exercise and eat better. Initially it took me a long time to get into the swing of looking after a baby but really I can't say that he takes up all my time and energy. I've just been lazy and haven't accomplished any of my weight loss goals. Frankly I would have been happy even losing 10-20 lbs, even just to get under 200 would have been spectacular.
I really can't figure why I am not losing weight. I walk practically every day. I don't drink as much water as I should but I've been drinking more than before. My eating hasn't been that horrible. I've had some slips but still I think I should have lost even a few pounds. I didn't weigh in this morning, I'll do it tomorrow for sure but I think I've gained a couple of pounds. And I can't blame it on TOM now.
I've been doing so well in our points challenge and yet I'm not losing weight. I must really be eating a zillion calories on those days that I stray outside my points.
So anyway I've been thinking about this for awhile and I think I am going to do it. There is a diet clinic here in Canada where you go on a very low calorie diet. You go to the clinic several times a week for check-ups and vitamin supplements. I know what some of you think of these kind of diets but I know this place really works. I have a friend who lost 95 lbs at this clinic and also there was a woman here, canadianchick I think was her user name who lost a lot of weight with this clinic. It is really expensive, I think $400 or so a month. I don't know for sure as I haven't gone for a consultation yet. I'm starting to feel really desperate though. I just need a good kick start, then maybe I could do the rest on my own. If you want to look at the web site it is www.drbdiet.com
I guess that is the place I am in right now. It has really just come over me the past couple of days feeling really low that is but I think I've been feeling really bad about my weight for the past year or so. I fooled myself or was in denial for a very long time. I told myself for a long time that I didn't look that bad, that I was still athletic and I felt attractive. Well I sure don't feel those things anymore. I feel like a giagantic lump. It's reality time here, when I look in the mirror or look at a picture, that is how I really look. I used to say that I just wasn't photogenic. No, that is how I really look.
And it isn't just about how I look, it is about how I feel. Generally I feel okay but I still get winded walking upstairs carrying Drake and then it feels like my body is one big piece of jello the way it jiggles and shakes.
I'm sorry to sound so depressed. I hope I'm not bringing anyone down.
Take care all, talk to you next week.