So I am back again, to recommit myself before the ubiquitous "New Year's Resolution". I really need just a few seconds to whine about "poor me" and then I'll suck it up and re-dedicate myself to getting healthy.
I used to come here every day and had a nominal success. I loved the camraderie and support! I am a very emotional eater, over eater, etc. Food has been my best friend for the last 20 years of bad relationships, flirtation with drugs, alcohol and sexual acting out. Like a lot of people I come from a family of dysfunctional people. I have overcome a lot and am really on a path to a much better life (great job, healthy friendships, a man that treats me like a queen, a new shih tzu puppy, 8 overnights a month with my son) but can't seem to get the grip on the overeating.
When I stopped posting here in Feb, I had just got fired from my job, lost custody of my son(didn't see him for 3 months) in a years long custody fight, ended a bad relationship, found a new better job....etc. Blah. One big excuse to eat! Eating to celebrate, eating to fill the void in my heart, eating for something to do, eating just because the clock says breakfast, lunch, dinner.
And eat I did. I haven't checked to see what weight I was when I left here but I am sure I was around 240. I was in snug size 20 jeans and now graduated to 24's. I am now over 270 and at this moment so ridiculously overstuffed from Christmas that I really wish momentarily for bulimia (no disrespect intended). I way overdid it at my co-worker's multi-ethnic Christmas party, eating Pakistani, Puerto Rican and Filipino food. I ate so much that I feel like I can't take a deep breath. Darnit!
I can't do this anymore. I want to stop and get a grip on this one last weird part of my life. I've often felt smug when I'm around "addicts". I used to drink A LOT, use drugs quite a bit and found validation in fairly anonymous sex and have stopped ALL of that. I felt smug that atleast I wasn't an addict. I could control myself unlike true addicts. I guess I really didn't so much heal from the other mini-addictions I 've had, I've just traded one for the others. (I call them mini-addictions because I've never lost a days work, crashed my car, got a dui, been arrested, am able to hold down a Professional type job etc..probably just a form of denial)
I am hopeful after checking in on Onderchick and CFmama. I know if regular girls like you can do it, I can to. Thanks for listening.
I'm back and now re-dedicated.