Hello hello all.
I know, my absenteeism is ridiculous. I haven't got time to go over everyone's posts and for that I am truly sorry. Love to you all anyhow, though.
My Rambling Update:
I went home for reading week-- the equivalent of "Spring Break" for all you American folks. Actually, it's the middle of my reading week, and I'm back at school as of today. I was at home Saturday until today, and today was spent doing schoolwork in the sculpture lab all day long.
At home this weekend I was not good about food.
I was not terrible, either.
But I was most certainly not good.
I think I've gained a pound or two back. It's not ridiculous by any means, it's the middle of the day when I got back to my room and my scale and I'm slightly over 163.5, which I was some days when I'd just eaten, anyhow...
I haven't gone to the gym in a bit over a week, as well, I think. My schoolwork and job interviews and overdue assignments and work shifts have been weighing heavily on my mind and I'm freaking out.. just a little. I feel really terrible that if I'd been really GOOD this weekend I probably could've lost some weight while at home.
What doesn't help is that almost all of the food places on campus are closed right now, or operating under "modified hours" because there are about 100 of the 20,000 students who attend this university actually HERE right now. I was starving at lunch today, but I couldn't get a pita, or a sandwich, the soup bar was closed, as was the "Mom's Kitchen" portion of the caf-- resulting in my eating a greasy slice of pizza for lunch.
I'm starting to go to the gym again tomorrow morning, and hopefully will be able to find healthy(ish) alternatives to pizza tomorrow if I plan-ahead.
I refuse to beat myself up over this weekend, because I ate this weekend the way I intend to eat for the rest of my life. I was cautious, I was conscious of how much I was intaking calorie-wise. I tended to choose healthier snacks (frozen blueberries and natural yogurt with a bit of Splenda or rice crackers or light microwave popcorn), but I also allowed myself to have a pasta dinner out with a friend the one evening as well. I didn't let the knowledge that I'd eaten something fattening totally derail me, or give me permission to eat a ton of extra junk that night either.
Hey, has anyone ever had someone treat them like they have an eating disorder for being calorie-conscious? I love my best friend, but because we're so tight, I basically say whatever's on my mind to her. I mentioned a few times calorie contents of things I might've just eaten, or said once when she was trying to push junk on me that I was fine, and I'd already gone over my official "daily calorie intake" and she got all annoyingly concerned like I'm starving myself or bingeing and purging or something akin to that. I mean, it's great she's concerned about me, but her concern is REALLY unnecessary, you know? And it almost came off less as concern and more as food pushing in general. She kinda scoffed at my choices and was like, "Ohhhhmigod, who CARES? Just go to the gym and work it off," or, "SERIOUSLY, Jess, you can't NEVER HAVE JUNK FOOD AGAIN."
Well d'uh. But I can choose to say "no" sometimes, can't I?
Anyhow, sorry for the ramble, I just haven't had anyone to talk to about my weight loss jazz this past week or so.
Man, I'm busy and stressed.