Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny
Oh no, what happened?
Life.
I'm a severe asthmatic who at one time weighed close to 300 pounds. My kid got sick and gave me Strep B, which later developed into streptococcus pneumoniae and caused 90% blockages in my left lung and 75% blockages in my right lung and brought my O2 saturation levels to a deadly level of 42 (morgues get corpses with higher O2 saturation levels.) My daughter was 3 when she found me passed out, more or less in a coma like state as I was very unresponsive. She tried to wake me for several hours and it was just the two of us at home. I really have no idea how long she tried to wake me, but by the time she managed, she has pulled my massive frame nearly onto the floor from our bed, was screaming bloody murder, and was obviously pretty messed up over the fact she couldn't wake me. That image, that moment plays in my head EVERY second of EVERY day. she came so close to watching me die...if my husband had listened to his gut, he would have taken her to day care that day when he left and they would have come home to a corpse. That kind of knowledge messes you up in ways unimaginable.
Anyways, while in ICU, I had complete lung failure and developed ARDS. While ARDS is acute and is "short termed", short term is relative. Most ARDS patients take anywhere from 1-5 years to make a recovery, and of those, 90% never make a full recovery. I've made a "mostly" recovery, but my upper left lobe is not functional, my O2 saturation still had to be monitored daily, and I still have flare ups more often than I care to admit. My doctors had told me at the time to file for disability and had informed me that I would spend the rest of my life on an O2 tank at the ripe old age of 29.
I guess that is where my discipline really comes in. I cannot handle the thought of my kid finding me like that again. And I know it is a very strong possibility. So, I went against everything the doctors said and started dieting. I lost some weight and decided to throw in exercise. That part was hard. I couldn't even walk from my bedroom to my living room with out passing out due to oxygen drops. But, with enough time and enough persistence, I managed. I would just add 10 seconds at a time to my "workouts". The first time I went for a "walk" I only managed an 1/8 of a mile, and that took me close to 30 minutes. But, the driving force was not allowing my kid to find me so close to death again. And in a little over a year later, I run (although I am currently on a 3-4 week break due to a knee injury) a typical 3-5 miles 3-4 times a week, lift weights, and do a modified HIIT exercise. I have to closely monitor my heart rate when I exercise as anything above 145 can send me into an asthma attack, which can lead to an ARDS flare up.
It's hard. It really is. But having a driving force behind why I do what I do keeps me honest in my efforts and in my discipline levels. I will not go back to August 2012. I live with the memories of that nightmare daily and have suffered some serious PTSD from it. And not just me. My daughter is now 4 and still starts freaking out if I fall asleep while she is awake. I take it as a blessing in disguise. Had all of that not happened, who knows how low I would have gotten before it was too late. Afterall, it almost was.