So, maybe I'm whiny, but I feel lonely today. I have no friends. Literally. I have acquaintances, but none to go spend time with. I recently broke off a friendship with someone that was my only friend. We were "friends" for a long time, but it wasn't a healthy relationship. I was always there when she needed someone, but I was only good enough for her when her other friends were making her mad. She would criticize me for EVERYTHING. My mothering skills, what I was wearing, what I ate, how I felt, how clean my house is (I have 4 kids 2-12. She has 1 10 year old and has piles of dishes and laundry everywhere all the time. My house is "lived in" but not filthy), how much I weigh (she weighs almost 200lbs more than me), how big my stomach is, how small my boobs are compared to hers, the list goes on. She was just always so mean and crushing my already low self esteem. 10 years I was her friend and I hung on because she's all I had. But I started believing her about how pathetic I am and I have no idea how to make new ones. I try. I guess I'm just a bit odd. I never fit in. My last job everyone avoided me cause I didn't have any fun drunk stories. Sorry I'd rather be with my kids than out drinking and driving. I do drink once in a while, maybe once a year, but not much interest. But I decided enough was enough. I don't want to feel worthless and pathetic, so I dropped the friendship and the job had to go because we had to move. Funny thing is, I still feel that way some days. I don't regret cutting the ties with the friend. Not a bit. But I just want someone to talk to. Sure I have my husband, but some things he doesn't understand. I have social anxiety. I hate being in large crowds of people don't know. Sometimes people I do know. I just want to hide. I know I need to overcome that, but I don't know how.

Anyway. I guess maybe I should start a blog or journal to get things out instead of whining to a bunch of people on a forum.

Are you currently working? I'm not much of a go out after work kind of person, but maybe you can invite someone to go to lunch with you, or out for a walk at lunch.

If you're not working, maybe volunteering for your kids' activities would be a good way to meet other parents.

Just a few suggestions to maybe get you started in finding new healthy friendships with people. Best of luck!

YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME! I am a very shy person, I never fit in with groups of people.. Im very awkward with conversations. I have children, and I go to college full time. Message me and maybe we can work on our diets together.

Look, I know it really sucks when it feels like you have no friends or close friends. That being said, it is better that you got out of a friendship that was toxic for you. That is a big step and especially with a friendship that lasted so long, can be super difficult. So good job.

I don't drink at all. Believe me, even if it doesn't seem like it, there are other things you can find in common with others. What do you like to do? Talk about your interests!

Also, meeting new people and friends can be tough. Find a local group that focuses on an interest of yours (book club, running group, sewing bee, yoga class, etc), you will meet people there and you will already know that you share an interest! If you have social anxiety, sometimes exercise classes are perfect because you don't have to directly interact right off the bat but after a while the people will become familiar to you and might become friends!

Also, I liked PreciousMissy's suggestion, VOLUNTEER!!!! I love volunteering because usually people are super jolly when doing so and we are all doing something we want to be doing!

Good luck and I hope you feel better!

Try meetup.com to find local groups that may be of interest to you.

I'm currently a stay at home mom. I've tried to volunteer for kids' school stuff but they always "already have it covered". I did try parents as teachers as well, but it's a very small clicky town and the woman that runs it gave me the dirt on everyone else there and even told me who's husbands are lazy. Not something I'm willing to get myself involved in.
The church we went to before moving always had volunteer sign up sheets to pick up people who could not drive themselves and nursery duty. I always signed up but never was chosen. I have been looking into other volunteer opportunities though. That is a great idea! Thanks for your suggestions

I'm very shy too. I think maybe sometimes that comes across as stuck up. I just sometimes don't know what to say. But there are times I'll carry a conversation with a stranger waiting in line at the store. I think I have to be here for 20 days before I can message. But I will definitely message as soon as I can!

Oh my gosh, I have gotten the stuck up thing before! It is because I am really quiet when I first meet people, it takes me a little bit before I warm up and can open my mouth to chat (especially in large groups, smaller ones I am better in).

Advice, never underestimate the power of a friendly smile (not to be confused with a forced smile as those sometimes end up as jeers and only make matters worse). It helps strangers realize that you are friendly but, a bit shy and not judging them!

Also, I am sorry you live in a small cliquey town. That really can suck (I have been there) but, I think it was probably a good idea to keep out of the town's social political drama.

Maybe there are other stay at home mom's in town that you could get together with and hang out with while your kid's have playdates?

I'm a nice person and once I warm up I show my crazy sense of humor. I still laugh at the word "poop" and you never know what weird thing I might say. I'm a loyal friend (obvious enough in my op? Lol) and I'm always doing whatever I can to help however I can. I just need to get past the point of actually making friends. I told my husband I'm just going to go around knocking on doors asking people to be my friend. Doesn't sound weird at all does it?

The small cliquey town is bad being we are fairly new. Most people here grew up here.

So sorry you are feeling lonley. I too have that problem. I agree with the others about volunteering. Volunteering at your children's school would be great. If the office says they have it covered, approach your children's teachers. I did that and she put me to work cutting things out and doing a lot of prep work for my son's kindergarten class.(18 years ago! Time flies!)

We just moved to a very small town and I am having a hard time finding my place. I am thinking of joining a Zumba class offered through the community center. I will be the oldest, but so what!

A poem I heard in my teens years has aways stuck with me.

He drew a circle that shut me out,
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had wit to win,
We drew a circle that took him in.


It may take time. Be sure to enjoy the moments with your children and husband. You will find strength through them.

First, good for you for dumping that "friend!"

I completely understand how you feel. I don't know how to make friends anymore. The thought of making a friend brings back the horrors of dating. I have three young kids so I definitely don't have time for that!

So where are you in Kansas? You can pm me the answer if you'd like. I'm also from Kansas and I see in your profile that you crochet. I do too! Maybe we can get together and crochet or something!

I would be completely messed up if I was in the dating scene. I don't think I can message yet since I'm still fairly new but the biggest town I'm closest to is Salina. How awesome is that to find a Kansan, mom, and crochet geek all in one?!

I'm in Manhattan, so that's not too far! Oh and I also have a black thumb. So we have a lot in common.

Nope, not too far. I'm on the Manhattan side of Salina. My mom always grows an awesome garden and pretty house plants. I just didn't inherit her gift. She does share though.

I was told I have to be here 20 days to message, I've been here 2 weeks I think, so as soon as I get the message thing going I will message you. I did add you to my buddy list since I'm horrible remembering names.

I read this thread and then literally smiled and said "yay" when I read this!! lol.

I just wanted to say, it takes a HUGE amount of courage and strength to cut a toxic person out of your life. That feeling of empty space is sometimes very painful when you cut that person out, because they literally filled up SO MUCH of your body and mind and soul with their toxic energy.

You are left with a wide open empty space and it feels very disconcerting for a while, but what it does is create space for something new and positive to fill it up.

When you are feeling that emptiness and loneliness, just breathe into that space and figure out some sort of mantra like "this space will be filled with positive healthy loving energy" or something to that effect. This way, you are acknowledging it, but also manifesting good things to come. I do this - it works wonders!