...does it ever depress you when you see someone on the forums bemoaning their starting weight, and it's the same (or close) to where you are after a bunch of work? Or less? And at the same or higher height?

I don't wanna bring this up in other sub-groups, because I really do understand that everyone's life is different, that everyone's body is different, and that everyone's experiences are different, and therefore everyone's feelings about their own bodies are A.) totally valid and B.) completely unrelated to my own body. I'm aware that if, say, my naturally-slim-and-much-taller-than-me sister were to suddenly weigh what I currently weigh, she'd freak the heck out, and with good reason, because it'd be a drastic change for her. Really. I get that.

But when I see someone who started where I am--and I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now!--and who bemoans it as being absolutely dreadful and disgusting, I can't help but feel stung. I mean, it's one thing to not be happy with it, but another to use such harsh language.

I don't want anyone to change what they do, 'cause...well, feelings are valid. But does anyone else get ouchy and kind of discouraged when they see that, either here or in a different venue?

I'm didn't hit 300, but I was pretty darn close, so I hope you'll entertain my response...

My answer is YES. I still think that now. My weight after what I've lost is where people START, or say "EWWWW I'm freaking huge!".

It's just blah, but I'll get over it eventually when I hit goal - as I hope we all do.

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That's been hard for me, too. Especially when I visit the 20-somethings forum (I'm about to turn 28, so a little too old for that but not 30-something yet. lol). There is a good number of posts talking about getting "out of the 150s" or numbers even lower than that, and it's hard not to think to myself: "You know, folks, I have to lose YOUR BODY WEIGHT's worth of weight!". I just feel really odd, like I don't fit in with my age bracket.

I try to keep reminding myself that their walk is theirs, and my walk is mine. It's not easy, but I am trying to stay in the now and focus on just doing my best today. Comparisons will only psych me out. But I still understand where you are coming from, Gabe!!

Oh, yeah. It's one of the big reasons I stopped attending WW meetings. I just can't get excited every week over someone reaching goal after 15 or 20 lbs. It's just too depressing.

It saddens me when people of any size, bigger or smaller than my current former self uses harsh language and judgement regarding their weight.

It really bothers me that "fat" (even small amounts of it) has become a social "crime." We're bigger than we want to be, but we're not mass murderers or puppy kickers.

I feel sad when anyone, but especially someone who has a body I'ld gladly trade for, hates on themselves. But I don't hate them for it, I just feel incredibly sad that they can't enjoy a body I'd be flaunting.

I love me. I even like how I look. I even liked how I looked at my highest weight. Sure I think I look better now (except for my upper arms. They've gotten so flappy I feel like a flying squirrel). My hubby loves me and likes how I look. The people important to me, like me at any size.

So I'm not really worried about anyone else. I don't need to "look great" to feel great, I'm in this to get more of my life back, the life gradually stolen from me by the health problems caused or contributed to by my weight.

I do sometimes get annoyed by folks who complain about situations that seem minor in comparison to my own, but I do try to remind myself that whenever I complain there will always be people who might be hurt or annoyed by my complaining, because they have it worse (or think they do) nd who might consider me lucky and ungrateful for complaining about a situation they find enviable.

That being said, I don't hang out or read/post in the featherweights forums, because I have so little in common with those folks.

In my own TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) group, there are a couple "featherweights" who are in situations very similar to mine, so I don't envy either of them. They're much older than me, and they have severe health problems that are aggravated by their extra weight (even though it's much less than mine).

I have more sympathy for those two women, even though they have less than 50 lbs to lose, than I do the very young women in the group who are my size and bigger, but who are much younger and have few or no health issues.

I feel I have more in common with the women who are losing for health sake (even if they only have 20 lbs to lose) than the women who are losing primarily for vanity's sake (even if they have 300 lbs to lose).

What I have the least tolerance for, regardless of the size of the person involved, is self-hatred. Usually I feel pity and sympathy for the person, but sometimes I just want to scream and shake the person and say, "You're not a serial killer, you're just fat. It's not the end of the world, get over it."

But I know that a lot of people can't get over it, because our culture has brainwashed them into thinking they are obligated to self-punish and self-hate.

If we didn't make obesity such a social crime, I don't think any of us would complain so much, we'd just work on making the improvements and changes we wanted to make in our lives, without comparing them to the one's everyone else is making and without judging ourselves and each other for our successes and failures.

I do think it's harder for me to visit those posts just because I know my goal is a lot further away and lot more pounds to lose.

There's this girl at work that I'm easily 200 lbs heavier than...always talking about how fat she is and she can't believe she let herself get to the weight she is. She told me one time that she is a size 9 and had never worn that size before (always being smaller). Um...excuse you! I've never worn that size either because I could never fit that size! Lolol...

I do know that we all have image issues, and weight gain is hard for everyone, but it's hard to hear that from people who are so much smaller than me. ****, I'm trying to get to the weight you are RIGHT NOW! And you're trying to lose it...jeez.

YES! It frankly irritates me that people that only have 15 lbs to lose talk about themselves so harshley. I can imagine what goes through their minds when they see me......

Yes, it can depress me. For that reason, I hang out more in the 100 pound club. If I visit the other forums, I often look at the poster's weight before even reading their post. Sometimes a poster's starting weight is my goal weight. I generally won't even read the post then.

I still read the posts that people make, even if they haven't been where I've been--I mean, on some level, we're all doing the same thing, and just about everyone here is really supportive, featherweight or not.

But, yeah, it's. . .I guess kaplods is right (I often find myself thinking that!). It's mostly just depressing that people would be so down about their body. And I guess there's a visceral reaction when I see someone who weighs less than me think that they look huge. 'Cause then I look huge by extension. At least, that's how my mind works.

Still, I don't think it's really good to discount the posts out of hand, because there's still a lot of good advice and support. Though I do use the weights for a lot of context.

Never topped 300, but got pretty close.

That type of talk doesn't usually bother me, because it's always about the other person, and I don't think it's usually reflective of a person's views about anyone but herself. Even when people get really upset about a relatively small (to people like us) weight gain or looking a little flabby, I think that it's usually because of their perceptions about how it will affect them - their love life, their wardrobe, their sense of normalcy and fitness. I don't think they're passing judgement on me, anymore than I think that a person who gets upset and calls herself ugly and decrepit after spotting her first gray hairs is actually passing judgement on the millions of people of varying degrees of attractiveness and physical ability who have heads full of gray, silver, or white hair.

And the people who actually do think that really fat people are disgusting and horrible? That's their problem, and I suspect it's easier to lose weight than it is to acquire emotional depth and empathy. Also, if they live in a Western industrialized nation, they're probably either hypocrites or outnumbered (and possibly surrounded by) "disgusting" fatties. Either way, they can have fun tying themselves up in self-righteous knots.

As far as people complaining about feeling and looking disgusting (or whatever) who weigh what I didn't weigh until losing or haven't weighed yet - I don't generally feel huge amounts of sympathy for their usually valid complaints, but I do respect their awareness and effort. Also, I sometimes find it helpful to be reminded that I will probably feel and look even better as I continue to lose weight, and that actually achieving a clinically "healthy" weight (not just being "smaller"), will likely help me make the most of my modest physical charms and maximize my sense of physical comfort and physical fitness. I'm all for that, although at the same time I reserve the right to not view myself as disgusting, and to consider people who call fat people "disgusting" major twits. Sometimes people phrase ideas harshly, but regardless of what they meant or how they meant it, there's no reason we can't turn their words to highlight facets of their ideas that are useful and ring true for us.

I had a housemate in graduate school who was bulimic. I would have loved to have her body. She was GORGEOUS, and just about perfect physically (to everyone but her). She did have enough body fat to have pretty boobs and a shapely, but thin body, but she managed her weight by way of fasting, using laxatives, and syrup of ipecac.

Only a few weeks after I moved into the house, I met her when she knocked on my door and asked me if I would drive her to the hospital (I was the only person home with a car). She had used syrup of ipecac and didn't throw up (this actually is common with chronic use, and ipecac is toxic so if you use it and don't throw up, it's very important to get to the emergenc room).

The ipecac did "kick in" while I was getting dressed, so she told me "never mind." We sat and talked and became good friends, and I just couldn't "get" how she could believe she looked so horrible.

I did even say, "what do you think of women my size?" when she said that "getting fat" was her worst fear. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it really amounted to her thinking she looked far, far worse than I did. Her exact words were such that I could have taken offense something like, "you're so funny and confident and have sucha pretty face and dress so nicely that all everyone sees is your personality and inner beauty" (I remember at the time thinking, "Oh great, the pretty face and inner beauty thing again") but I was struck at how this girl was so much more miserable than I was. She didn't date because she couldn't believe that anyone interested in her was worth having. If a guy asked her out, she was CONVINCED that it was a practical joke or that the guy had to be a nutcase to be interested in her.

It was so so sad to realize that she really did think she had nothing going for her. She didn't see her cute face and figure or her quirky sense of humor, she only saw the huge rolls of fat (that no one else could see).

To this day I feel bad for losing touch with her. Even though it was also a relief (when I moved away, I was no longer the go-to person for the late-night drives to the emergency room). I do wonder if she's coping better, and if she's even still alive.

So now, whether it's a person bigger or smaller than me who is self-hating themselves for their weight, I always think of this girl. How much sadder is it to be a thin, pretty girl who always feels fat and ugly, than a fat girl like me who has always thought she looks pretty hot for a fat girl.

It's just so sad that weight is such a cultural obsession that even very beautiful women often think of themselves as hideously ugly. Sometimes (through plastic surgery) MAKING themselves ugly to fix the imagined flaws.

Self-hatred is their problem, not mine. I find it interesting that other people's self-loathing can bring you down. Even when I weighed 386, I didn't berate my body in the mirror. It's just not how I'm made. I mean, if I was that way maybe i wouldn't have gotten as big as I did...lol At my weight now, I still don't insult myself. Jesus, the world is tough enough. Just love yourself, crazy people!!!

This is MY journey, MY body, MY personal business. Who cares what other people think about weighing 300 lbs?

I do try really hard to have empathy for anyone trying to deal with a body they're not happy with, but sometimes I just sorta grin and bear it whenever I see anyone under 200 whining about how "gross and disgusting" they feel for being such a "fat*ss."

I haven't been under 200 pounds since junior high school. Not once.

I also remember being angry at myself several years ago for feeling so fat in high school when I was 250-275, since it was a lot lower than the 360 I'd somehow climbed up to. So I try to remind myself it's all relative, and that it's sort of a selfish thing. Most people are only thinking about themselves when they complain about a certain size being "gross," completely oblivious to those still struggling around them.

Which is why I don't ever try to complain about being "gross" or whatever since I know there's always someone in a more difficult position than me, trying to cope. Because hey, I've been there too.

Yes it does irritate me especially when the person I'm talking to 'FACE TO FACE' says something about needing to lose weight and how they are so disgusting blah blah blah. The person I have in mind while writing this post probably weighs 140lbs if that. I almost want to smack them and tell them how i would love to be the size they are. Then I remember that they battle their own demons and I battle mine.

When I hear people complaining, (people like my size 6 sister who obsesses over a quarter sized bunch of cellulite on the back of her thighs), I try to keep things in perspective. Like Kaplods I had a roommate with an eating disorder, (anorexia), and what I learned from her is that *usually* people are so wrapped up in the skewed image of their own body that they aren't really paying attention or passing judgement on the people around them. Self-absorption is a powerful blinder. But I do know there are people out there who can be malicious and judging in their comments, (for instance my mother-in-law always pointing out to me how small she is when she talks about herself being so big with thinner people in our family), but I have just decided to roll with it. It's all about being happy with yourself, no matter the size. Don't be discouraged, just remember how far you have come.