I think it's also a matter of self-deprecation being the "social norm" for women. It's considered not only acceptable, but even humble for women to put themselves down, and I think they often do it without consideration for those around them. While it's true they may be fishing for a compliment by whining about how fat/ugly they supposedly are, I think more often than not women are simply conditioned to hate their own bodies and have an uncontrollable need to share.
I recall a conversation a coworker and I had several years ago. My weight loss of 20 pounds at the time (from 360 to 340) had prompted her to complain about the 20 pounds she had gained since she'd been in high school (not sure of her weight but we were about the the same height and she was by no means obese). I pointed out how she was a lot smaller than me and had so much less to lose, and she quickly pointed out that I carried my weight "well" and that, unlike me, she wasn't "used" to being fat! She also complimented me for having the stamina to lose the 20 pounds that she herself was struggling with; it was hurtful at the time and really hard to wrap my head around, but eventually made me realize we all have different standards for ourselves that we don't even think about applying to others when we discuss weight loss and how we fell about our own bodies.
Last edited by Elladorine; 05-25-2012 at 04:11 PM.
On here, I don't tend to look at the figures of people's weights. Makes it easier to focus on their problem/situation of how they are feeling and behaviours, not weight, for me.
Sometimes in life, conversation turns to weight/diets. I always feel very uncomfortable and hope it ends soon. Because I hate being reminded how everyone sees fat as very bad and ugly.
I find it harder in real life, I actually get really sensitive about it. Most of my friends, for some reason, are slim, attractive ladies, and I often feel like their big fat guy friend who does not fit in. When they call themselves fat and be negative, I feel bad that they feel that, but to be honest I also feel like, what must they think of ME?? They too kind and sweet to mention my weight but it is indirect comments which hurt. I think sometimes they forget. Example one time I was working with a woman who was laughing about a fat person in an outfit they considered unflattering. I did not feel comfortable with the conversation. She is being negative about a fat person- if she never knew me, maybe she'd be laughing equally at me??
... to be honest I also feel like, what must they think of ME ??
^THIS^ is what crosses my mind too. I just think it's so sad that they ~ 1) judge themselves so harshly; 2) don't realize how blessed they are; 3) don't appreciate that they don't have that far to go; 4) don't realize that they actually look pretty good right now; 5) aren't enjoying their lives as much as they could be.
I work in customer service on the phone and sometimes a customer will be a small and just go overboard with disgust that they "ordered a small and got a 3x, shoot me if I ever was that big" those comments make me ill since I wear that size.
I agree, it is hard to see someone on the boards who is trying to lose weight when their starting weight is your GOAL weight! Everyone has their own battles to fight. Good thread, I can soo relate!!
I tend to stick in forums where people know what being 300+ is like. I used to feel resentful, but as I've aged, I've stopped: now I feel sorry for people who feel such disgust for their own bodies, at any size. I feel sad about my own disgust for my own body, too, when I feel, and so I try to work on healing that.
We only get one life on this planet, as far as I can tell, so I don't believe in wasting time on negative feelings if I can help it.
Sometimes I get frustrated by seeing posts from people in the 100's or low 200's who feel gigantic. It's especially disheartening when they relate experiences of people picking on them because of their weight...makes me think that I am going to experience the same thing even though I have lost over a hundred pounds.
But the posts usually don't bother me because we're all here to lose weight. Sure, I wish they could be a bit more sensitive in what they post, but I don't think they are intentionally trying to make people feel bad.
I like to look at posts on several boards, but I do admit that I find the stories of 300+ people who lost a lot to be more inspirational than those where the poster went from 150 to 120. It's still an accomplishment and I applaud them, but I can't relate. I also pay special attention to the advice of those who have gone what I'm going through more than those of the featherweights because I can identify more with the challenges of those who have lived life over 300.
