I just want to sob. I have binged for 4 straight days (probably 4,000-6,000 calories each day), each day with good intentions to not let it carry over to another day. But I just finished another binge, the 4th straight day. I tried on my jeans, and they are no longer loose and baggy -- they fit snugly! I'm so disappointed in myself, and I think the thing that upsets me the MOST is that I'm so ashamed because I only see my boyfriend on weekends, and I'm afraid he will notice that I've gained a few pounds. Do you think it will be noticeable? I'm going to wear other clothes that he has never seen on me before so he doesn't know how they're supposed to fit. I really think the thing that shames me the most is the possibility that he might see that I've gained a few pounds. Are 3-4 pounds noticeable to a person who hasn't seen me in a week? I weighed 128.5 lbs before the bingeing this week. And it's supposed to be 80 degrees this weekend, so I'll have to wear shorts! He loves me no matter how I look (and he has told me so), but I am so ashamed of myself and do not want it to be apparent that I've gained so much weight in such a short period of time.

I am SOOOO upset and sad and mad at myself that I let myself slip 4 days in a row! I am writing this with tears running down my face, and a very heavy heart.

Its okay. We all do it. Don't give up! And you aren't going to look like you've gained weight in that amount of time! You might feel it but you can't see it! You've come this far. Don't let this get you down!

Thanks for the quick response. It makes me feel better to hear some encouraging words! I just feel so sad and disappointed in myself. I guess I need to have the attitude that I can stop the backslide now! I can stop the damage from getting any worse than it is now! It's still frustrating to think that my clothes are fitting tight, and the damage happened in such a short period of time, and it will take me weeks, if not months, to undo the damage I caused in literally just 72 hours. SOOOO sad and mad at myself!

Just because you're clothes are fitting tight doesn't mean you weigh 188 again. You can and will lose the few extras in no time! I get mad at myself too but if we continue to beat ourselves up that could cause us to eat even more because we're mad or depressed! So think of it as, "I enjoyed the food but now it's back to being on track"!

No one is that observant!!!!! I would never notice a 3-4 lb gain on ANYONE unless they were an infant or severely anorexic. If you're feeling self-conscious just wear a loose top with some shorts.
Also I did some math, if you subtract what you would have burned calorically in those days and then add it up, divide by 3500 (the amount of calories in 1lb) it only equals 2.85.
So basically if you did ZERO exercise (no walking, nothing) the most you could have gained in actual fat is 2.85lbs.
If your binge included salty foods you are probably retaining water and are feeling bloated. It isn't 'real' weight. Just keep hydrated and avoid salty food and by the weekend the bloat will be gone and NO ONE could detect such a small gain of a pound or two!

Thanks everyone, so much, for your kind responses! I did manage to not overeat at all today! It was SOOOO HARD to get back on track, but I did it! That's always the problem for me -- once I get off track, it's so hard to get back on track! It's funny, for me, good habits take so long to build and are so easy to break! I can be eating on plan for a month, and binge for one day, and that binge turns into 2 days, which turns into 3 days, which turns into 4 days...it's so easy for me to get into the habit of bingeing after I just do it for one day! Whereas, a month of staying on plan doesn't have the same effect of habit-building!

Now, I feel like I'm going to be constantly tempted to binge again. In the past, once I got back on track (back on my food plan), I felt like I was back on track and the bingeing wouldn't happen again, at least not for awhile. Now, even though I got through today successfully, the temptation to binge and go off track is still going to be strong tomorrow. I need to remind myself that my pants are getting tight, but that's little deterrent when the prospect of eating whatever I want, in unlimited quantities, looms over me so temptingly! I wish food weren't my master, but lately it really has had control over me! How I wish I could go back to my old habits and eat whatever I want, when I want, and still keep my new slim body!!!!!!!!!!!

Your post had me wondering whether your maintenance plan is too restrictive. I find it essential to include treats, splurges and even the occasional pigout (usually at all-you-can-eat sushi places) in my eating plan. Otherwise I would rebel and binge myself back to fatness.

F.

I do include treats daily. I think my problems that caused this binge were: 1) buying refridgerated cookie dough (it's just too tempting to eat all of it; I can't save some for tomorrow; I feel like I HAVE to finish it because it's so delicious), 2) not including enough yummy main dishes in my weekly plan (I usually save my splurges/extra calories for desserts b/c I have a major sweet tooth), and 3) simply wanting to be able to eat anything I want in unlimited quantities. I GREATLY MISS being unrestricted and eating whatever I want! (Before my weight loss, I literally would eat ANYTHING I wanted, WHEN I wanted. No restrictions. That's how I ballooned to 188 pounds.)

To illustrate how I've been feeling lately, I went to Panera the other day and became very sad when I looked at a whole french baguette that I used to eat 2/3 or 5/6 of the whole thing in one evening. I actually became sad and had a feeling of longing and loss. I am still mourning the loss of my old eating habits. I want to eat like that again, but I simply cannot if I want to maintain my weight. I can get around #1 and #2 but can't really do much about #3 -- I simply can't eat unlimited quantities of any and all food, and maintain my new weight.

I think it's important to face this loss head-on. It IS a loss for most of us. The truth is, unbridled eating is enjoyable (even if it makes us feel bloated and guilty). As a poster put it in another thread, we're replacing the intense but short-lived high of unrestrained eating with the more moderate but more deeply satisfying highs of feeling healthy, in tune with our bodies, and good in our skin.

That idea/imagery helps keep me on track when the urge to let loose threatens to overwhelm me. It might be helpful for you to consciously "grieve" the loss -- and then keep reminding yourself what you're gaining in return.

F.

AWESOME!

It is incredibly hard to accept I can't stay the weight I want and eat everything I want, too. Anyone who says Little Debbies Oatmeal Creme Pies don't taste good is a liar. I do find that by being lenient in what I'm "allowed" to eat (e.g. dessert several times a week, relaxing on weekends, NOT COUNTING calories), I avoid binging all together. I can't remember the last time I had a really bad binge day - the worst I've had in recent memory was no more than 3000 calories in a single 24 hour period.

I can totolly relate to you.I'll do really good for a while and than go on a really bad binge that lasts for weeks at times and a giant weight gain with it

Wow, I've never seen it put that way before, and it's actually quite powerful. The thing is, you cannot un-learn what you've learned; I will NEVER be able to go into a store and pick out food without looking at the labels and thinking about what purpose it would serve in my diet. I'll never be able to fully enjoy a "cheat meal" without having to first justify it to myself and negotiate with myself. The ability to be ignorant about my food choices is something I lost years ago, and I'm hyper aware of all of those things now.

I think that really, I'll be mourning the loss of my carefree ways forever. I cannot begin to count the benefits of my new lifestyle and how much happier I am MOST of the time, but sometimes I do find myself jealous of other's ignorance when it comes to such matters.

The question now is; how do you deal with that "loss", mourn, and move on? I suppose my way is just to push it aside and wait for it to fade, which it always does.

When I have those moments I try to think of how crappy I felt after over-doing it, and how that pattern led to me being overweight. I'm trying to replace that with new feelings of happiness at clothes fitting, and eating to live, not living to eat...but it isnt always as easy as it sounds.

No one can notice a few pounds gain, but in the end what matters is how you feel about yourself. Don't be too harsh on yourself, yes you binged, but you're accepting it, taking responsibility for it and you're ready to get back on track. That's a great attitude!

Such a good point.

It does feel like mourning!! What helps me, is focusing on how badly I feel afterwards... both physically and mentally. That feeling just isn't worth it. It's so hard to focus on that when you're in the moment, though!

You've come so far, get back up and continue on .